Kingdom Hearts: BullSHIT HD ReMIX

[Firaga 5,947]

Live from the twisted imagination of yours truly, it’s BullSHIT HD ReMix!

 

You know, I’ve said this before a bunch of times already on the site and in private, you guys really wanted to see the option that was voted the most go up. I was a bit surprised, not going to lie.

 

Still, I asked and you responded, so let’s get things underway!

 

= Episode 5: Racetrack Mishap =

 

Even after our heroes had dealt with the problem instigated by Pete, they weren’t through with dealing with baddies just yet.

 

“Oh, come on, don’t we at least get a break?” Riku whined. And no, you don’t get a break. There’s no rest for the wicked, and neither is there for the… not wicked. “That was terrible wordplay.” Shut it!

 

Anyways, there was still trouble left on the horizon.

 

“What trouble?” Sora asked. “Everybody in Disney Town is doing fine for themselves. What could possibly—“

 

“HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!”

 

“ITS HORRIBLE! THEY’RE OUT OF CONTROL!”

 

“Owww!” everybody cried, as the shrieking high-pitched voices of two chipmunks running towards the trio filled the air… geez, those two rats need a volume switch.

 

“Chip and Dale? What’s going on?” Sora asked, the ringing in his ears finally conceded.

 

“There’s these two weird guys causing mayhem down at the race after they starting flipping out over a bet they lost!”

 

“Yeah! It’s some creepy blue guy with fire hair and an even creepier lion!”

 

“Oh great, Hades and Scar. I thought we were done with those two! Come on, guys, let’s check things out.”

 

“Ugh, it never ends…” Riku groaned.

 

“You don’t have to sulk, Riku. We already beat them at Fruitball, I’m sure taking care of them again won’t be too hard,” Kairi said.

 

“Don’t jinx us, Melon-For-Brains.” Ooooh, sick burn.

 

The trio followed Chip and Dale towards the racetrack (as Kairi took the time to apply ointment to the sweet burn she received, get rekt, roasted, 420 blaze it, WHOOP), and eventually, the got themselves to the stands located near the track grounds, where various denizens of Disney Town were either running away or cowering in fear. From what, you might ask?

 

“EVERYTHING BURNS! EVERYTHING!!!” That. Hades was throwing fireballs in every direction possible: sideways, slantways, longways, and backways.

 

“Ah yes, throw a tantrum, I’m sure that will win back all the money we lost. I told you should we should have bet on Flying Dark Avenger to win. I mean, just listen to that name, it’s completely evil and foreboding,” Scar said.

 

“You know what, kitty cat, I got half a mind to put you on the barbeque too if you don’t keep your fangs shut!” Hades said, making Scar roll his eyes.

 

“At the very least, all these fools running about will make excellent prey,” Scar said.

 

“Hey, you two! That’s enough!” Sora cried as he, Riku, Kairi, and the chimpmunks arrived on the scene.

 

“Oh great, now the Keybrat and his sidekicks are here. More target practice,” Hades hissed.

 

“This is going to end exactly like it did on the Frutiball court. With you getting your butts kicked!”

 

“Oh, I don’t think that’s going to work, dear boy, not when we can settle this another way…”

 

“Another way?”

 

“Why, yes…” Scar said, creeping up closer to the trio. “After all, it’d be a shame if we wasted the opportunity to use this fine racetrack for another one of our sportsman like competitions.”

 

“Oh great, first fruit-based tennis, now you want us to play Mario Kart?” Riku referenced.

 

“NOPE!” Scar roared, pouncing onto Sora as the two rolled backwards with Scar pinning Sora’s body to the ground.

 

“What the-I thought you were going to challenge us to a race!”

 

“I lied, you imbecile, we’re just going to kill you instead!”

 

“But why would you do that?”

 

“Simple: I’m evil!” Scar snarled, he and Sora now wrestling around on the ground, Sora trying his best to avoid Scar’s giant jaws.

 

Meanwhile, Hades was already shooting his flames at Riku and Kairi. The two did their best to battle his firey might, and even got some help from Chip & Dale after they… well…

 

Crunch! “YOOOOOOW! WHY, YOU LITTLE--!” You get the idea. But even after they did that, Hades expunged them from his robes and shot a fireball directly at them, carrying them back into town in a firey crash.

 

“WE BARELY GOT ANY SCREEENTIIIIIIIME!!” You barely deserved the time you got, you twits!

 

Well anyways, back to Riku and Kairi fighting Hades: the former was holding his own fairly well against the onslaught, while the latter…

 

“AGH, MY BUNS ARE ON FIRE!”

 

… Yeah.

 

After a few minutes of squabbling with one another, Sora, Riku, and Kairi regrouped with one another to form a strategy. All were very worn-torn from their battles. Meanwhile, Hades and Scar simply waited off in the distance, confident that, eventually, they would just kill off their meddlesome foes.

 

“Okay… so… just so we have an update: I think Scar was about 95% close to tearing out my throat,” Sora said, his clothes ripped and his body covered with claw marks.

 

“I got a little signed by Hade’s flames, but other that, I managed to get off better than I expected,” Riku said, his state of being true to his words, as he only hat slight tears in his clothes and a couple of burnt spots. “How about you Kairi?”

 

Kairi was the diametric opposite of Riku: she was black from head to toe, having taken a giant surge of flame to her body. All she could say in response was burp out a small cloud of smoke.

 

“… Uh… okay then.” Sora then put on his thinking face. “What else do have left?”

 

“Hey, kiddies, can we hurry this up? I gotta take a dump!” Hades said.

 

“Really now, Hades?” Scar.

 

“Don’t give me that, I’ve been holding in it since we’ve got here, and if these little snots weren’t so hard to kill, I’d be back in the Underworld now taking my dump in the comforts of my own throne by now.”

 

“What? That’s digusting!”

 

“No no no, the other throne…”

 

“Oh. My mistake.”

 

“Wait… dump. That’s it! That’s what we need to use!” Sora said.

 

“What? What are you talking about?” Riku said.

 

“Remember that whole thing that the fire guy made us do with Kairi?” Hey, it’s Firaga Sensei to you, ya dolt…. but yeah, just to clarify, he he is talking about something I made you guys do on BSC…

 

“Wait… you mean…”

 

“Ohhhh yeah…. Kairi?”

 

“Uh… d-do I have to?” Kairi asked, having finally rubbed off all the soot from her body.

 

“It’s the only way for us to get rid of Hades and Scar,” Sora said.

 

“Unless you want to try your hand at getting flambéed again.”

 

“Hey! … Ugh… fine. I’ll do it. But make it quick, it’s embarrassing.”

 

“Alrighty then! First we’ll need… uh…” A rainbow colored fruit then drops from the sky and into Sora’s hand. “Oh yeah! Here, eat this!”

 

“Okaaaay…” Kairi then eats the fruit, and suddenly, she feels a small rumbling in her stomach… one that grows louder, and then even louder by the second…

 

“Uh oh…”

 

“Alright Riku, let’s get her into position!”

 

“Right!” The two boys then prop Kairi onto their shoulders, her butt lined up with Hades and Scar.

 

“Okay, what… I’ve seen you and your pals cook up some schemes before, but this takes the cake,” Hades said.

 

“Seems as though we’ve driven them to their lowest point of desperation… how delectable.”

 

“Condescend all you want. The second the shit hits the fan… literally… you’ll be cover in it! All of it!” That was a very… colorful metaphor, Riku. The sound of a rimshot was then heard. “… Really?” Leave me alone, you had it coming.

 

“Oh please. What could you possibly be planning that cou—“

 

“Oh no… it’s coming!” Kairi said, her stomach becoming most queasy.

 

“Ready…!” Sora cried.

 

“Aim…!” Riku cried.

 

“Ha ha, look at how serious they are,” Hades mocked, him and Scar then breaking out in a fit of arrogant laughter. Oh boy, you two are gonna get it now…

 

“Aaaaagh!” Kairi cried as a giant ball of rainbow colored energy shot from her behind and straight at Hades and Scar.

 

“… Oh…” Hades started.

 

“Shit.” Scar ended.

 

Boom.

 

Ah yes, folks, it is the the return of the Rainbow Runs Gun! The infamous weapon created specifically for the last series I made, Bullshit Chronicles. It makes its glorious return in this new series, but all is not won yet. Are Hades and Scar too powerful for the Rainbow Runs Gun to work? We’ll have to find out next time, but until then, here are your choices to help shape what happens next:

 

A) Hades & Scar make up their own weird power

 

B) The Rainbow Runs Gun goes out of control

 

C) Chip & Dale do another thing

 

D) Insert your own scenario

 

Now then, vote! Or make up your own thing! Which ever! Either way, MAY THE LIGHT OF BULLSHIT SHINE BRIGHTLY UPON THY PATH! *digs underground like a Sandslash*

[Ultimus Grid 546]

Going with A.  I wonder what they can possibly do to counter the Rainbow Runs Gun.

[Shulk 8,623]

B. Nothing can stand against the might of the Rainbow Runs, and Chip and Dale got enough screentime.

[Firaga 5,947]

Well…. Uh…. This is awkward.

 

I say this because it’s been two weeks since the last episode and barely anybody has contributed to the bullshit for the next installment. So… this episode might be a little weird because I’m just going to make due with what I have and roll with it. But hey, that’s pretty much how BSHDR works anyway, so no worries!

 

Enough intro babble, roll the clip-er, text!

 

= Episode 6: The Episode Without A Funny Title =

 

When we last left our heroes: GIANT RAINBOW EXPLOSION.

 

… And now back to the action.

 

Sora, Riku, and Kairi rested on their laurels after firing the shot from Kairi’s bum. While all three were ecstatic about their apparent victory, Kairi on the other hand was dealing with the after-effects of said blast, namely the whole experience of—

 

“Uh, I know you’re a bit of twisted guy, but I don’t think we need any more detail involving Kairi’s ass,” Riku said, bringing up a fair point. I’m not going back to jail again. “Again?” Never mind.

 

Anyways, the colored smoke cleared from where Hades and Scar were standing, and sure enough… they were still standing.

 

“WHAT?!” The trio cried.

 

Although, they were standing they were clearing heavily impacted by the Rainbow Runs blast as they were singed from head to toe, although instead of a deep smoke black, their colors were of that of a rainbow, naturally.

 

“Oh, okay, good” The trio responded in unison.

 

But then, the villains shook off their residue and stood tall against the heroes once more.

 

“OH, COME ON!” Would you shut up already? Geez.

 

“Okay, so that was probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire undead life,” Hades said.

 

“That’s a bold statement coming from you,” Scar said.

 

“I know, right? Still, these three tykes are starting to bug me. A lot.”

 

“You haven’t been ‘bugged’ by them any time before?”

 

“I don’t mean like bugged as in ‘these brats are annoying as sin’, I mean bugged as in ‘oh man, they might actually kick our collective butts’.”

 

“Fair point. But do not fret… I have an idea for an attack that is sure to take all of them down in one fell swoop. It might even be more powerful than their silly rainbow theatrics as well.”

 

“Really? What do you have in mind?”

 

“Well, you see…” Scar then began whispering his plan into Hades’ ear. His explanation took several moments… which then turned into minutes… and then into several minutes… and it just went on… and on… and on… the trio was getting impatient, so much to a point where they just sat in a circle and started playing cards.

 

And even then, Scar just kept whispering and whispering… making sure every… e-every detail… was in full… and…. Zzzzzzzzz…… zzzzzzzzzz…. Zzzzzzzzzzz…..

 

== Two Hours Later ==

 

Gah! I’m awake! What happened?

 

“Oh, there he is. Now we can finally get things rolling again,” Riku said.

 

I must have overslept. Anyways, Scar finished his… wait… this isn’t where we left off. Sora, Riku, and Kairi aren’t in Disney Town anymore, they’re in a Gummi Ship in the the Ocean Between. Why? How?

 

“We got bored of waiting for Hades and Scar, so we just left. Chip and Dale gave us this Gummi Ship to ride in--”

 

“CAN WE GET MORE SCREENTIME NOW?” Chip and Dale shouted through the ship’s communication system.

 

“Go away!” Riku said, disconnecting their feed. “Anyways: they told us that everything is fine now, so yeah, here we are.”

 

Well… that was…. anti-climatic. I figured you guys might have more to deal with during that sequence.

 

“I guess somebody isn’t as smart as they think they are.” Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? “Hey, you’re the one who put us on this crazy train, so what’s the problem with your conducting?”

 

Okay, so I hit a brick wall. But who cares? It happens. But I assure you that this is just a stop on the tracks and I really can’t think of any more clever train wordplay…

 

“Clearly.” Shut up.

 

Look, you’re in a Gummi Ship, you have access to any location or world you want to travel to. We’ll work from there. Deal?

“Fair enough.”

 

“Yeah, this is going to be fun!” Kairi said.

 

“Sure is! There are a lot of places I haven’t been to in a while, and it’d be great for me to revisit them. Plus, I can introduced Riku and Kairi to all of my friends from the other worlds,” Sora said.

 

And so, the trio made their decision to venture to the nearest world for the simple thrill of exploration, and that nearest world waaaaas…

 

A WORLD THAT WILL BE DECIDED NEXT EPISODE! … Yeah, I’m sure you saw that coming.

 

So then, that was my compromise for the episode: … just nix everything basically. Not only because it was the funniest thing I could think of but also because, well… I’m just kind of getting tired of this storyline and I needed something new to work with, if you can’t tell.

 

That being said, please please PLEASE make sure to leave a vote on what you want to happen next on the continuing journey of hilarity for our three heroes! Here are your choices:

 

A) Radiant Garden

 

B) Neverland

 

C) A brand new world

 

D) Insert your own scenario here

 

Good luck, and may the bullshit be with you. *Fazes out of reality*

Edited June 18, 2016 by Firaga Sensei

[Ultimus Grid 546]

B

[Kanohi Keyblade 3]

B. Why not, Right?

[Firaga 5,947]

In case you someone don't know already: BS HD ReMix might not be active anymore, but in the spirit of the holidays, I decided I've give this series and by extension the entirety of KH13 a present in a form of a brand new Christmas themed one-off installment. Check it out here!