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ObsidianEagle

Text Xemnas's Adventures In Real Life

By ObsidianEagle, in Creative Media

Do You Want Me To Write Some Prose As Well?  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Do You Want Me To Write Some Prose As Well?

    • Yeah! it would be good to see what you could do
      2
    • nah, your best with script
      0
    • i don't care as long as you keep writing!
      3
    • O.o
      2

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

hi! you've probably seen me in the other forums. i thought it would be fun to write a group of mini-stories! obviously based on xemnas since the organisation are the best part of kingdom hearts for me :D

 

for any of you who are thinking these are going to be proper stories, they won't. they're just going to be short, fun script stories

 

hope you like them! and i'll keep a list of them here

 

STORIES:

1) Xemnas On The Dating Site

2) Xemnas Gets A Migraine

3) Xemnas Works At Burger King

4) Xemnas Joins A Rock Band

5) Xemnas Fixes A Lightbulb

6) Xemnas Goes To Jail

 

I decided to make a Feature-Length Story!

Click Here to see 'Xemnas Gets Exiled From TWTNW'

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

STORY 1: XEMNAS ON THE DATING SITE

 

In The Meeting Room

 

Xemnas: i need a woman to fill the spot where my heart would be... what can i do?

Vexen: i can make one for you :angel:

Xemnas: oh god, girl riku copy, bad idea. anything else?

Marluxia: i know! i have a regular poster pass for a dating site, you could try that?

Xemnas: nice idea, you get moved up to number 10

Luxord: WTF???

Xemnas: ok then, do you have a better idea?

Luxord: er... get a girl drunk then-

Xemnas: number 11! now i'll go look at that dating site

 

girl #1: hi honey

Xemnas: hey, are you new to this site too?

girl #1: yeah, it rules, you wanna go out on a date?

Xemnas: sure! let me just see your pic so i can recognise you

*looks at pic*

Xemnas: ZOMG your a man!

 

girl #2: hey

Xemnas: how ya doin?

girl #2: good

Xemnas: gee, the girl i just tried turned out to be a man

girl #2: err... yeah... it's wierd when that happens... so do you wanna go out sometime

Xemnas: sure, i'll check your pic

*checks pic*

Xemnas: wtf? marluxia?!?!

Girl #2 (marluxia): s**t! it's xemnas! run away!

Xemnas: O.o..... ok, marluxia's going back to number 11

 

girl #3: hi! good to see you!

Xemnas: your not a man or marluxia are you?

girl #3: of course not!

Xemnas: i'll check your pic anyway

*checks pic*

Xemnas: wow, your smokin!

girl #3: what did you say

Xemnas: i said i'm provoking.... myself...

girl #3: so as long as you have a big loving heart! i'm happy with you :heart:

Xemnas: the heart is born in darkness and will always return to darkness, light pink blinds the hearts true essence

girl #3: :-/ ok... i'm gonna go now

Xemnas: catch you later honey

Girl #3: yeah (no)

 

Back In The Meeting Room

 

Demyx: so did you have any luck?

Xemnas: yeah i met this really hot girl!

Axel: cool, you must be proud marluxia!

Marluxia: errr...yeah...

roxas: your not saying as much as usual

Demyx: ZOMG! YOU ASKED OUT XEMNAS DIDN'T YOU! HAHAHAHA!

marluxia :@

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

STORY 1: XEMNAS GETS A MIGRAINE

 

Xemnas: urgh! i have the worst headache ever! does anyone know what i could do?

Vexen: i've been do some experimental treatments...

Xemnas: no! last time you did experimental treatment on someone you turned them into a girl!

Larxene: yeah vexen, you owe me

Xemnas: not so loud! anyone else?

Xaldin: i found these pills on the floor *O.O* i mean i got them from a doctors and they could help.

Xemnas: thanks xaldin! your number 2 now

Xigbar: :@

 

IN XEMNAS'S ROOM OF ETERNAL SLEEP

 

Xemnas: let me read the dosage

 

'2-3 pills. WARNING: if you value your life, don't take these pills. side affects include: nausea, coughing up blood, flautilence and possibly sudden death.'

 

Xemnas: so 2-3 pills!

 

*takes the pills*

*throws up, coughs up blood, farts*

 

Xemnas: dammit xaldin! your number 3. dammit i still have my migraine!

 

*a leech falls out of the back of his head*

 

Xemnas: hey! i feel better! thanks xaldin (your still number 3 :dodgy:)

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

STORY 3 - XEMNAS WORKS AT BURGER KING

 

Xemnas: i've had a new idea. i will go into business for a food good for the hearts to capture peoples souls, any ideas?

Demyx: the flora factory?

Xemnas: too slippery...

Xaldin: Fish?

Xemnas: xaldin... that's a dude...

Luxord: i've got the greatest idea! BURGER KING!!!

Xemnas: perfect! luxord, i give you permission to get your own pet creeper from the moogle shop

Luxord: w0000!!!!!!!

 

IN THE OFFICE OF THE MANAGER OF BURGER KING

 

Manager: can i help you?

Xemnas: i want to be part of your eating establishment to capture the hearts of your loyal customers so we can release kingdom hearts so me and my organisation can be whole!

Manager: i like your work ethic, your in!

Xemnas: w00! i'll make a poster!

 

(5 minutes later)

 

Xemnas: just listen to this! i'll blow you away: (reading aloud) the new heartless burger! garunteed to capture your heart and turn you into a little black thing

Manager: not bad, needs one thing though... (writes on the poster)

Xemnas: (reading aloud) contains 100% brittish beef

random person walking by: OMG! BEEF!!!!

 

(tries the burger)

(turns into a beefy cow heartless)

 

Xemnas: wow... that was unexpected...

Manager: that was my son! you're fired!!!!

Xemnas: ok sir alan :(

 

BACK IN THE ROUND ROOM

 

Xemnas: oh well... at least i get a free burger! what to do with this thing...

Demyx: hey xemnas! i hope you don't mind, but i got a pet creeper too!

Xemnas; (you needeed my permission!!!) awwww, i heard that they love burgers

Demyx: really?

Xemnas: yeah! lemme give it to him

 

(feeds the creeper)

(creeper turns into a cow nobody and crushes xemnas)

 

Demyx: HA HA HA!

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

STORY 4: XEMNAS JOINS A ROCK BAND

 

Xemnas: as you know, we have a pressing matter i wish to discuss with you

Luxord: Is it the fact i gambled away all your betting tokens?

Xemnas: WHAT?!?! i'll find you some excrutiatingly painful to wear gloves in a minute, but first i need to tell you what this meeting is about. i have found a crucial aspect of capturing the heart, music.

Demyx: :D

Xemnas: so i hunted on the internet to look for rock bands, and each one seems to want a different instrument, so i'm going to try them all!

Demyx: how about you let me?

Xemnas: no, don't forget that i banned you from your guitar for a month for filling my pajamas with custard

Demyx: he he, that was hillarious!

Xemnas: anyway, i'm off

 

AT THE AUDITIONS

 

Auditioner #1: hi! so you're here to auditon for the drums? start whenever your ready

-2 minutes later-

Auditioner #1: you're meant to hit the drums, NOT THE BASSIST!!!!

Xemnas: well who cares, no-ones going to notice he's missing anyway

Auditioner #1: get out of here!!!!!

 

Auditioner #2: your here for bass?

Xemnas: pffffft, nice joke. i'm out

 

Auditioner #3: hey, here for guitar? go ahead and start

-2 Minutes Later-

Auditioner #3: you broke every string ?! and you didn't even touch it!

Xemnas: i know! it's so cool, it's like i have heat vision!

Auditioner #3: get out!

 

Auditioner #4: here for vocals? ready when you are

-2 minutes later-

Auditioner #4: argh! i can't hear anything!!!

Xemnas: wow, my voice is so amazing it deafened you!

Auditioner #4: say what?

Xemnas: i can read your mind as well, i'll go...

 

Auditioner #5: trying the keyboards, go for it!

-2 minutes later-

Auditioner #5: all you had to press was C!!!!!

Xemnas: but the keyboard doesn't have letters on!

Auditioner #5: :-/

Xemnas: i'm gonna show you all, i'm gonna be the biggest musician you've ever seen! and i'm going to beat you all by mastering the...

 

BACK AT THE ROUND ROOM, TELLING THE ORG WHAT HAPPENED

 

Larxene: you told them you'd be the top of the charts using a kazoo?

Xemnas: yes, they all laughed

Larxene: why didn't you try to get to the charts

Xemnas: they wanted to see what happens if i used the kazoo... it blew up

Axel: :blush:

Xemnas: axel... you blew up the kazoo??

Axel: sorry, but Demyx said he'd put gravy in your pajamas if i did!

Xemnas: :@

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ObsidianEagle    103

ObsidianEagle
Posted

STORY 5: XEMNAS FIXES A LIGHTBULB

 

ON THE BRINK OF DESPAIR

 

Roxas: err, sir?

Xemnas: yes random blonde boy?

Roxas: It's roxas sir

Xemnas: ok blondie

Roxas: you know the big lightbuld at the top of the mission de-briefing room?

Xemnas; he he, de-brief yes, what about it?

Roxas: i was wondering, how about we take it out, the moon is pretty bright and would be bright enough to light the room

Xemnas; no way, thats my prize light bulb, so rare.

Roxas: fine, i'll just tell you. i smashed... i mean xigbar shot the light bulb and it smashed

Xemnas: thanks for telling me roxas, here's a voucher for our local krispy kreme donut store

Roxas: thanks!

Xemnas: and give this dud one to xigbar, it gives him a donut made out of fish skeletons. also tell marluxia to meet me at the de-briefing tee hee room in 10 minutes

Roxas: :shy: will do!

 

AT THE DE-BRIEFING tee hee ROOM

Marluxia: so why do you want me here?

Xemnas: xigbar broke the light bulb

Marluxia: i swear that was roxas...

Xemnas: no no no, roxas told me it was xigbar

Marluxia: okaaaaaay. anyway, what do you want me to do?

Xemnas: go and get some creepers from the pen so i can stand on them to reach the bulb

Marluxia: ok

*5 minutes later*

Marluxia (Shouting): how you doing up there?

Xemnas (muffled): well. pass up the screwdriver will you?

Marluxia: sure thing, pass it up

Creeper #1: Pass it up

Creeper #2: Pass it up

Creeper #3: Pass it up

Creeper #4: Pass it- oh damn i dropped it!

 

Marluxia:... try again...

Creeper #1: Pass it up

Creeper #2: Pass it up

Creeper #3: Pass it up

Creeper #4: Pass it up

Creeper #5: Pass it up

Creeper #6: Pass it up

Xemnas: spank you!

Marluxia: what did you say???

Xemnas: nothing...

Marluxia: retorical question... SPANK YOU TOO!!

*takes away the bottom creeper*

Marluxia: JENGA!!!!

Creeper #1: put me down!

*tower falls*

Xemnas: owies!!

*gets spanked several times by marluxia*

Marluxia: spank you!!! spank you!!! spank you!!! spank you!!!

 

IN THE HOSPITAL THAT NEVER WAS

Xemnas: bl... blon.... blondie...

Roxas: yes sir?

Xemnas: give... mar... luxia... another... dud... voucher...

Roxas: will do :rolleyes:

*5 minutes later*

Marluxia (from far away): omg! this taste horrible, bleh!

Roxas (from far away): what? kirspy kremes rule! mine tastes fine xD

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