Search the Community

(WARNING: None of what you're about to read is meant to be taken seriously.) Hello, and welcome to Firaga’s Latest Scheme To Get Attent-uh, I mean, welcome to my newest random story-fanfic-forum game-whatever-you-wanna-call-it, and this time around, things are going to get heated and poop is going to hit the fan. Now you might be wondering what this little shindig is actually about, and I’m gonna tell you what it is, but first, let me bring out our three vict-contestants, Sora, Riku, and Kairi!! Kairi: Why are we even here? We already know we’re going to be tortured. Riku: At this point, we might as well accept it. We don’t have much of a choice in the matter anyway. Really, asking why we’re here and why we need to go through this is like asking why the sun rises in the morning. Sora: Why does the sun rise in the morning? Does it have to be pulled up by the Man On The Cloud? Riku: … I’m not even going to respond to that one. As you can see, they’re very excited to be here. All: No we’re not. Aaaaanyways, the aim of the game is simply… battle. Straight up, knock ‘em up, drag ‘em out brawling, ladies and gentlemen. We’re gonna see action out the whazoo! Riku: Oh, so we’re just going to be fighting people. That doesn’t sound too arduous… Kairi: You’re probably going to regret making that statement. Riku: I just did. Sora: So who are going to be fighting? Heartless? Nobodies? Dream Eaters? A giant koala bear?! Kairi: Why would you want to fight a giant koala bear? Sora: Why wouldn’t you want to fight a giant koala bear? Kairi: Good point. I’m sorry, my spiky haired friend, but the answer is none of the above. Sora: Aww… No, instead, you three are going to fight these people. Sora: What people? Theeeeese people… that’s right, I’m looking at you, KH13. If you’ve ever had the desire to beat the holy hell out of Sora, Riku, or Kairi (As well as beat the holy hell out of other people from KH, but I’ll wait to see how far I can ride this schtick before bringing out more punching ba-options) then this is the chance for you to do just that! Kairi: But I thought everybody loved us? Why would that do something like that? Well, I can’t deny that you guys have fans, but see, here on KH13, things are a little different. We’re comprised of unique and different individuals, with aspects ranging from the hilarious right down to the obnoxious, who are able to form perspectives on things that other “fans” might find questionable, laughable, or even insane, and can turn those perspectives into something great… or at times… something monstrous… Riku: What the hell are you even on about…? Okay fine, the basic version is there’s people on here who are not only willing to kick your ass, but enjoy it as well, even if they don’t even hate you as characters. Riku: Oh… well, since you bring it up, I’m starting to think you hate us. Kairi: Yeah, why else is this our third time of being tortured by your sick ideas? Hey now, I don’t hate you three… I like Riku a lot, if I can be honest. Riku: Oh really? Well, thank you. Sora: What about me and Kairi? … Eh. You’re okay. Sora: What? “Okay”?! But I’m the main character! You’re also a spotlight stealer and have the personality of a block of wood. Sora: I-Is that what you really think of me? No, but you are compared to Master Riku over here. Riku: Oh wow, two in a row. Kairi: So what do I fall under? Eh, same as Sora, ‘cept you don’t really do anything. Kairi: Hey, I do things! … Sometimes… “Sometimes” being almost never. Kairi: … Y-you’re mean. And you’re useless, we’ve established this. Riku: Okay, I think you’re going a bit too far. Sora: Yeah, quit picking on Kairi! Easy, easy, I’m just messing with you guys. Plus, I’m trying to hype you up for your first battle. Sora: Oh. Well, who are we fighting anyway? Me. All: Wait, what? Yes!! Ha-ha! I, Firaga Sensei, will be your first in what will hopefully be a long string of opponents that you will face in his beautiful disaster I have created! Sora: Well, this’ll be easy. You may be annoying, but you’re not as all-powerful as you might think! That’s where you wrong, for you see, I’ve laid down some rules. Rule number one: the KH13 user, this case being me, is allowed to have three powers; these powers can be anything that the person desires, as long as they’re not too OP. The powers I’ll be using will be the power to teleport, the power of flight, and last but not least, and of course I’d have this one: the power to control fire. Kairi: You’re so original, Firaga. And you’re still useless, pipe down Red. Kairi: *blows raspberry* Sora: So wait, do you we get powers? Of course. You can use any of the powers you have gained in any of your past adventures. And so can Riku. And Kairi... well, you'll just have to improvise. Kairi: T-that's not fair! Life isn't fair. Now then, rule number two: the user has a choice of fighting either one versus one, one versus two, or one versus three, with any combination of Sora, Riku, and/or Kairi, meaning that one choice would be to fight Kairi mano a mano, and another one would be to fight Sora and Riku as a team. Sora: Hey wait, no way! I’d never let Kairi fight by herself! Kairi: Really, Sora? Sora: Of course, Kairi! So you admit that she’s useless on her own. Kairi: What?! Sora: T-that’s not what I meant! Firaga’s just trying to be condesating! Riku: Seriously, did you hit your head before you came here? I know for a fact that you’re not this dumb. Sora: Just because I make a whoopsie now and again doesn’t mean I’m a dum-dum, Riku. Riku: … I can’t even process what you just said. If you two ladies are done chit-chatting, there’s one more rule I need to go over. Sora & Riku: Heeey! Rule number three: I, nor you three, can’t actually kill each other. This one should be obvious, but I have a feeling that I just need to say it because as I pointed out earlier, a lot of people are willing to kick your asses even if they don’t hate you, and I think for some people, that might stretch into “trying to obliterate you” territory. Considering the scope and magnitude of what we’re gonna be dealing with, I figured it was the right thing to do. Sora: If you’re trying to scare us, then it’s not working! I’m not actually, I’m trying to do you a favor, moron. Sora: Hey, I’m not dumb! Kairi: Yeah, you’re the dumb one! Riku: Alright guys, I think we’ve thrown enough insults at each other. Sora: I say we haven’t thrown enough! Kairi: I say we keep throwing more!! I say “Three, two, one, let’s jam”. All: What? *sets ground on fire* All: Ahhh! Aaaaaand we’re off, ladies and germs! *battles will be in spoiler tags to avoid these posts from getting any longer* -- BATTLE START -- Later! *teleports away* Sora: Ah, ah! Hot hot hot! Quick, Riku, Kairi, grab on! Kairi: Why?! Sora: Because... I can fly! Riku: ... No you can't. Sora: Now isn't a time to argue!! Riku: Okay, okay! *Riku and Kairi grab on, Sora uses Superglide to lift them off the ground* Sora: Whew that was close. Riku: Yeah... but where did Firaga go? *teleports behind* I'm right here. *kicks Sora across the air* Sora: Agh! Darn it! *teleports behind again, punches Sora in the back, causing him to drop Riku and Kairi* Sora: Oh no! Kairi: Ahh! Riku: Hold on! *summons Way to Dawn* Freeze! *freezes part of ground with Blizzaga, Kairi lands on top* Kairi: It's f-f-freezing... Riku: Better than scorching hot. Sora! Sora: Gotcha! *flies over and catches Riku* Riku: Thanks. Sora: No problem. *ascends down towards the two* Don't be so casual, you two... this is only the beginning... heh heh heh... Will Sora, Riku and Kairi survive the onslaught of Firaga?! Will Kairi be able to help her two friends?! Will Firaga ever stop picking on her?! Most likely not. Kairi: Aw... In any case, ahem, I'll finish our first battle after we get some volunteers to go next for next episode. Remember to follow the three rules that I explained earlier, and remember to have fun too! By the way, since I'm going to be personally writing for the people who participate in this fun little game, feel free to PM me about certain details about yourself that I should follow so I don't end up making you look like a dork... which I have clearly done for Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Anyways, bye for now and I'll see you all on the next installment on the KH13 Slobberknocker!