Alagoth

Hey, you there!

Now that I got your attention,

continue to read to learn an ultimate secret. 

Your probably curious about that secret aren't you? After I tell you about myself I promise I will tell you. It will be like the dessert after garbling a large chicken breast.

But first let’s start with some stuff you may not know about me.

I shall begin by telling you my real name. But I beg of you people, not to tell anybody. My real name is Tyjekial Me Snieggleloo. Simply call me Alagoth. I don't want the scary people in suits to realize my actual whereabouts, so it will be much safer if we simply just kept my name secluded to the public. Just between you and I, ya’ know?

My life isn’t just average like most of you, you see. It all started a long time ago, when I met the elderly man who forever changed my life. My history is an unforgettable tale of sacrifice, love, justice, and a sprinkle of irony…

Your probably thinking right now, “Just shut up! I want to know that uber secret already!"

Please. I’m getting there. Just hand in there a little longer, okay?

At the age of 25, (yes, I understand I am only 16. Have you not heard of time travel you moron?) I approached a figure at the local McDonalds. I was intrigued by this figures odd choice of sauce for his chicken nuggets. I approached and sat down across from him, the curiosity building up inside of me.

“Why? What monster chooses ranch with their nuggets!” I cried.

The man looked up, with a scar crawling between his eyes, and down his nose. Of course, he simply looked at me, and then continued to devour his nuggets with the infamous sauce. I sat there, completely stunned by this phenomenon.

As he took his last nugget and pushed it into the container, soaking up all the remaining ranch into his now tainted nugget, I cringed.

The man simply chuckled as he watched me, and he said a simple three words to me, that forever changed my outlook on life.

“I’m lovin’ it.”

I never saw the man again; I had gained the knowledge in that instant of a thousand wizards. I can no longer contain the knowledge as a lone individual, it is too much of a burden on my shoulders alone. But I trust you, and I know that you deserve to know my greatest secret. It is time, are you ready...? 

The ultimate secret in which forever changed my life that night is...

<Spoiler> Ranch is actually not that bad. <Spoiler>

And that concludes two minutes of your life.