Made a letter and would like feedback..

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

New letter to K. V.

 

 

Hey Kimb___. I was wondering for awhile now, that I can not only tell how I feel but what I think about you. I know I my come off as weird or uncomfortable and maybe awkward, but I hope you like to hear this. This is not much, but it's also enough. Kimberly when I first saw you last year, I was scared to talk to you. Over time I develop a longing crush on you. But only this year I get to talk to you. Sadly I was also scared because of what I thought you be. But then I found out you are an amazing girl. A girl with a beautiful smile, nice friends, and possibly a nice future. The only reasons never talked as much is because I wanted to respect your personal space, in hopes of not annoying you, and not to be rude while you talking to your friends. The reason I apologize for my feelings was because my heart got it hopes up to soon. And the time I told you I couldn't get, I meant that. Because we are in different social circle's. I admit, I have been awkward and uncomfortable. That too is neither of us to blame. That was me not handling the conversation right. I hope you know that I wish you good luck and nothing bad. You probably will think I’m weird, or even uncomfortable just by me reading this to you, but as I tell you, I just wish I could have known you just a bit longer than before. To get to know the real you and you know the real me. But as I’m almost done reading the letter, I wanna share a motivational quote that you should keep, “ So what if it seems hopeless? If it were me, I still wouldn't give up. Embrace your dreams.” Hope you like it. Well this is all I got from not my heart but from who I am. The real me. Also it's OK if you think this is uncomfortable. Well that's all I got to say. I hope one day we can me again and start all over. Have big dreams, and chase your future.

 

 

By Javarus ( Geeky Guy)

[Shimmy 458]

I see nothing wrong with it. It seems genuine enough and I'm sure she won't be too intimidated or anything. 

Do whatever you think is the right choice friend.

[Javelin434 3,164]

Um... I see several errors. But before I do anything, I need to ask:

 

What tone are you going for with this letter? Farewell? Formal? Informal? etc.

What is the purpose of this letter?

Are you giving this to the person? Or are you reading this out loud to said person?

Edited April 28, 2016 by Javelin434

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

  On 4/28/2016 at 11:53 PM, Javelin434 said:

Um... I see several errors. But before I do anything, I need to ask: What is the purpose of this letter?Are you giving this to the person? Or are you reading this out loud to said person?

reading it. Maybe gibe it to herAnd it's a farewell letter

[Javelin434 3,164]

  On 4/28/2016 at 11:56 PM, xXMikey1stXx said:

reading it. Maybe gibe it to herAnd it's a farewell letter

Ok so a farewell letter that you sorta intend to read out loud. is it supposed to be speech-y or sorta personal? and on that note, how is it supposed to sound?

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

It's supposed to sound normal. And it's a one on one letter.

[Javelin434 3,164]

  On 4/28/2016 at 11:32 PM, xXMikey1stXx said:

New letter to K. V.

 

 

>I was wondering for awhile now, that I can not only tell how I feel but what I think about you. What are you trying to say?

>but I hope you like to hear this. If you're gonna read this to her, consider changing it to something that doesn't sound like a no choice decision.

>This is not much, but it's also enough. What are you trying to say?

>Sadly I was also scared because of what I thought you be. Did you mean to say "Sadly I was also scared because of who I thought you are?"

>And the time I told you I couldn't get, I meant that. I don't understand what this is trying to say.

>That too is neither of us to blame. Is this really necessary? Also an unwarranted, almost baseless attack.

>You probably will think I’m weird, or even uncomfortable just by me reading this to you Not necessary to call out on your reading unless you're going for comedy...

>But as I’m almost done reading the letter Not necessary

I wanna share a motivational quote that you should keep, “ So what if it seems hopeless? If it were me, I still wouldn't give up. Embrace your dreams.” No lead in. There's no obvious reason why you are sharing this to the other person

>Hope you like it. Very impolite.

There's not much anyone can do unless you address/clarify these issues...

Edited April 29, 2016 by Javelin434

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

I see what you mean. I get right on it.

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Aw, a farewell letter?  That's so sad!  But well, I don't think the letter is weird!  In fact, I think that it's a respectable letter!  You should give it to her, but in all honesty, you should also talk to her face to face, ya know?  See her eye to eye and tell her everything that you feel!

 

But, of course, if you feel too nervous or unsure of what to say, then it's understandable if you only want to say farewell with a letter.  But well, in the end, it's your choice! I wish you good luck!

[Veemon 1,540]

  On 4/28/2016 at 11:32 PM, xXMikey1stXx said:

New letter to K. V.

Hey Kimb___. I was wondering for awhile now, that I can not only tell how I feel but what I think about you. I know I my come off as weird or uncomfortable and maybe awkward, but I hope you like to hear this. This is not much, but it's also enough. Kimberly when I first saw you last year, I was scared to talk to you. Over time I develop a longing crush on you. But only this year I get to talk to you. Sadly I was also scared because of what I thought you be. But then I found out you are an amazing girl. A girl with a beautiful smile, nice friends, and possibly a nice future. The only reasons never talked as much is because I wanted to respect your personal space, in hopes of not annoying you, and not to be rude while you talking to your friends. The reason I apologize for my feelings was because my heart got it hopes up to soon. And the time I told you I couldn't get, I meant that. Because we are in different social circle's. I admit, I have been awkward and uncomfortable. That too is neither of us to blame. That was me not handling the conversation right. I hope you know that I wish you good luck and nothing bad. You probably will think I’m weird, or even uncomfortable just by me reading this to you, but as I tell you, I just wish I could have known you just a bit longer than before. To get to know the real you and you know the real me. But as I’m almost done reading the letter, I wanna share a motivational quote that you should keep, “ So what if it seems hopeless? If it were me, I still wouldn't give up. Embrace your dreams.” Hope you like it. Well this is all I got from not my heart but from who I am. The real me. Also it's OK if you think this is uncomfortable. Well that's all I got to say. I hope one day we can me again and start all over. Have big dreams, and chase your future.

By Javarus ( Geeky Guy)

Aww, man... Buddy, you know exactly how I feel around basically everyone I meet. I wanted to talk to this one girl for a long time, but she was always around her friends, and I didn't want to be seen as a rude guy, you know?

 

The only adjustment I reccomend is this: Check your spelling. Unless you're texting her this letter, you'll want to spell everything you can correctly, ESPECIALLY if it's for a girl around your age. And use the right grammar, too. I see a few "to"s that should be "too"s.

 

Good luck, sir.

 

 

Rock on!

[EricBwn 86]

Do not give her a letter, if you really like her then man up and say what you need to say in person. 

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

Thanks for the amazing feedback. Really like my kh13 family.

[Mystics Apprentice 2,397]

I think a farewell would be done much better in person rather than in the form of a letter.  If in a letter it could be taken the wrong way and more hurt feelings may come out of it than telling her in person.  However, the letter has a lot of sincerity to it, and I can tell you are trying to express how you feel and are trying to wish her the very best.

 

The letter, as a whole, is very good, though I see a few grammatical errors throughout the letter (I saw a "my" instead of "may," as well as a few typos and lack of needed transitions) that you may want to address before presenting it to her.  I also saw a few redundancies.  It seemed that you were stating the same thing several times, and overall in the letter you have a negative tone and seem too apologetic.  I'm not sure if you've done anything wrong or if you're just worried that you're weird, but personally I think you could remove a lot of that uncertainty and worry and replace it with positive things about the two of you. : )  I wouldn't mention too many times about seeming weird or awkward, but rather put an emphasis on how wonderful she made you feel and that you really enjoyed your time around her.  You could mention something about nerves or awkwardness once, but I wouldn't mention it several times, and I definitely wouldn't make yourself feel bad.  Unless you've done something wrong, I think it would not be necessary and might instead make her look at the letter and think you're too insecure, there were things about you that were bad, or that she should actually be upset when there was no reason to be upset with to begin with.

 

I hope that helps some, and I really hope that you have much success in this farewell letter!  Your letter is very kind and genuine and I'm sure it'll mean so much to her regardless of your choice of words. : )  Each of us would say things differently because we're different people, but ultimately you know yourself and Kimberly best to know how you should write it.  Good luck!

[xXMikey1stXx 206]

Thanks. Actually i have it on Google docs. So helping on it will be highly grateful.I just want the same message but told differently. Haha i'm asking to much.