Sora not Roxas 0 Posted August 7, 2010 This is a work of fiction (of course). The story and characters that are mention in the story have been created by me. Thanks in advance for reading. If you have a comment positive or negative please leave it below. If you guys hate the story, just tell me and I will not post the rest of the story to waste anymore of your time. This story was already pre done (in my head) so it wasn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Naminé15 0 Posted August 8, 2010 The story reminds me a bit Domo Chronicles: Adventures of Vinx Poisenberry -http://kh13.com/mybb/showthread.php?tid=3509 - . The title "Beleive" plus Loothor's phrase: "all you need to do is ...beleive in yourself" makes me think the entire story will be about Faith tryoing to inprove his skills to become a king. Maybe a more mysterious title would make the reader expect more. Anyway, I'll waiting for more. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cellar Door 652 Posted August 10, 2010 honestly, that was terrible. =/ i cant really understand whats going on, and its structured like a screenplay but written like a story. you have to make up your mind there or else i cant really begin to help you out because idk what im supposed to say. for starters, work on grammar & spelling. dont just give up when someone gives you a comment thats not entirely positive, work on it to make it better. (: dont stop writing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted August 15, 2010 [quote='Namin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Naminé15 0 Posted August 16, 2010 If the story won't change so soon, you could try to describe feelings to make the reader feel what Faith is feeling, that would keep us reading the parts when the the climax hasn't arrived yet. :D ---- ]I'll be waiting the "Aladdin" part - sounds cool somehow. :D:D:D: ---- It truely reminds Domo Chronicles, but I'm not saying you've copied, it's just the fact that a "non-human" prince appears training in the 1st chapter. Anyway, this can be just concidence. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted August 20, 2010 Just to let you guys know a few things. Anything in these brackets [] will describe a small action that the character does or description about that certain moment in time. [laughs], [smiles], etc. In these brackets {} I will mostly use for introducing new things or describe an action. Like {Zing!}, or {slash} if they land a hit. {finish!} if the finishing move was landed, {miss} if the move wasn't successful you know etc. And I will explain more later got to go! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted August 26, 2010 I have come to terms with how I will end this story. So lets get to it lol. Here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted August 26, 2010 Chapter 3/Hiro Faith escorts them down the path that leads from the castle to the town were the residents live. Including the market place, bakery, and homes to furries and humans alike. It was always busy in the village. The townsfolk lived happily as the castle stood on top of a small hill {slope} so all can see and admire their king. And it made it easy for public speaking. They walked a few ways down the path getting closer to town. The path to town wasn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Naminé15 0 Posted August 30, 2010 Sorry it took quite long for me coment. We - readers - are no longer seeing Faith as a poor confused boy but as a decided adventurous person. Thi chapter -Hiro - seems to be realy the beggining of the adventure. Is this chapter the point where you said things would really change? It' seems so. I got a good feeling about this story's future. Write more 'cause i'm waiting for it.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted September 12, 2010 This story is coming along nicely, and its already done, but the thing is that school keeps getting in the way so it has become difficult to post stuff now. No matter I will finish it. (hopefully by December or even earlier. Most likely earlier. I was joking about the December thing lol) I also have to good to work which also takes time as well. So much to do. And one of my pets died, so I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted October 17, 2010 Chapter 4/Crystal Dom: What? You want to go there? Faith: Hmm, how come you said it like that? Come on it will be fun. And it will be an excellent test for my blade. Dom: You want to test it already? Isn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted October 17, 2010 Beginning the Hero profiles now. These profiles will give a short description of characters good and bad. I will list all the good guys for now, and I will say when it ends and I start the enemy profiles. Hero Profiles! Faith-A twelve year old boy hybrid. (which means a cross form of two species Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted October 17, 2010 Loothor-A wolf furry who has a strong bond with Faith and the royal family. Enough to even call them by their first names. He mostly spends his time training on the training grounds or training Faith. He is 25 years old and his fur color is brown. Unlike the other knights, he doesn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted October 29, 2010 Dom-A human male of brown skin. He is the village best blacksmith and is trusted with all weapons, from the royal knights, to the royal family. He is in his early thirties and is very popular with every one. He is even known in the feline and human kingdoms. He is Faith and Loothor friend and a universal weapon user. He is able to use weapons in either hand, very skillfully. Moves Whirlwind-Spins with weapon pointed outward, pushing enemies away by the power of wind while they take damage. Almighty push-Uses wind to make a shield around himself. And if attacked, the wind pushes outward with a powerful thrust. Ultima-Rains down small comets (meteors) that continues for about 8 hits, until a giant meteor comes down and slams the enemy right into the ground. Chapter 7/First fight! Capturer vs. captive ?????: Hmph-why aren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted November 13, 2010 Steel-An eleven year old red fox boy who is nothing but a thief. But don Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Naminé15 0 Posted November 16, 2010 Now I'm realy liking he story, that introductory air defnilty left all your words. -lol, I quite liked Jack as soon as he appeared, he's one fo those chacaters i like for no reason as soon as I see them lol that's typical of me - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted December 27, 2010 Jack-A sixteen year-old human boy with a strong fighting spirit! Actually it seems fighting is his favorite thing to do even though he doesn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luckey charm 0 Posted January 28, 2011 plz write more Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted January 30, 2011 plz write more What!? You like it? Really? Don't be pulling my leg now lol....yeah that was corny. But don't worry I will right more. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora not Roxas 0 Posted February 11, 2011 Gen-An eleven year old girl who Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
