Unsure about college...

[DragonMaster 1,166]

It's getting to the point where I'll have to choose a college soon, and there's one uncertainty that's really starting to nag at me now that high school graduation is a couple months away. One of the few colleges I'm heavily considering is about 10 minutes away from my current home. If I choose to go there, I'll obviously live at home and commute so I can save the $10,000 (and I get to keep my sweet bedroom). But I'm worried that I'll have a harder time making friends if I don't live in a dorm on campus.

 

I don't know how other people think stuff like this through, so my worry here might seem a bit insignificant, I guess. But I've really had to work hard to overcome personality challenges and social anxiety to make the friends I have now. There was a period of about 5 years where I was absolutely alone and had no friends whatsoever. I don't want to go back to that ever again. But as confident as I feel while alone and with my friends, it all goes away when I'm with new people. Now that graduation is eminent, most of my good friends are going to be moving away (my best friends is looking at a college 7 hours away, for example ). I'm worried that if I have the crutch of living with my family, I'll rely on it too much and miss out on connecting with people at college...

 

At the same time, I could be worrying for nothing and find that I'm able to maintain the courage I built up. But even then, I worry that the very fact that I'm not living with the rest of the students will put me at a disadvantage...

 

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

[TheFriedPopsicle 36]

It's a really tough decision to make.  A lot of decisions about college are tough to make, and I totally understand where you're coming from.  I go to a university that's only 20 minutes away from home, but I personally made the decision to live on campus, and I haven't regretted it at all since I've come here.  You really get to meet people you wouldn't otherwise, and no matter what kind of person you are (even someone obsessed with Kingdom Hearts like a lot of people here!), you can find your niche and meet awesome people from all kinds of different places.  In all honesty, it was easier for me to make friends in college than in high school because of all the cliques and pressures to fit in during high school, a lot of which are gone now.

 

Then again, being in a dorm does cost so much more so you gotta take that into consideration.  But I really feel like being in a dorm is part of the college experience, and I wouldn't change my decision to do it in a hundred years.  Do what your gut tells you

[Shulk 8,623]

I'm actually in the same situation (Going to be living at home and going to a college that's less than an hour from my home, too expensive to live there). I'm a little worried about the same thing, although I figured there will probably be enough going on at the campus that I probably won't need to live there, anyway. I'd suggest trying to find a club or something like that that interests you. You won't be on campus as often, but you'll still get to meet people with similar interests.

[Exilra 393]

I suggest that you maybe try and join some clubs at the college. You can make friends through them. I'm also planning on commuting to my college I'm going to next year and another thing I suggest that I am going to do is wear clothes that show off what I like. I have some shirts with artwork of some of my favorite games, TV shows, etc and people sometimes come up and say "Hey nice shirt" and a conversation starts.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Exilra

[Javelin434 3,164]

I'm currently doing just that [living at home, commute to college] and my advice is this: 

 

Don't worry too much about not being able to connect with people. Talk to classmates after class and see what happens there. Other social things to do would be joining a fraternity, or participate in clubs/organizations. 

[VisitJoan 2,713]

I know some schools require you to live in a dorm (or residence hall) for the first year or so, but that might be wavered if you are living with your parents like you are.  I know how you feel about making friends - I spent a whole trimester in 6th grade with no friends as my friends were younger than me.  I do think this is a legit concern.  The first semester I spent at my current school I mostly watched Kingdom Hearts let's plays on Youtube.  But I signed up for Japanese class and that's where I found not only a friend but a group where I belonged.  I also joined a STEM sorority and that keeps me interacting with people too.  Try taking a class in something you're interested in or joining a club or organization.

[Shuy 110]

We have different kind of universities here in italy but I can assure you one thing:Living at home will not compromise you in any way. I do that and I still have lots of friends and a social life. You will join clubs and you will study togheter with friends (possibly in your university) so you won't miss any opportunity to bond with other people.

[143436611Xxcc 1,105]

Are there any other colleges you're considering? Also depending on your major, you may need those connections in a job. To be honest, $10,000 a year for connections is a lot... However if you feel you really would be better off as a human to escape and branch out, go for it full fledged.

[143436611Xxcc 1,105]

I'm actually in the same situation (Going to be living at home and going to a college that's less than an hour from my home, too expensive to live there). I'm a little worried about the same thing, although I figured there will probably be enough going on at the campus that I probably won't need to live there, anyway. I'd suggest trying to find a club or something like that that interests you. You won't be on campus as often, but you'll still get to meet people with similar interests.

Clubs are AMAZING! I`m currently in high school (Sophomore) and through classes I took I found people with similar interests and then joined various clubs with even more people with the same interests and it`s just amazing, I second this to the max!

[Dracozombie 4,554]

Don't worry, universities usually offer like a gazillion ways to be social that don't necessarily involve living there. If you feel like staying at home might take away your incentive to be social, join a club. Keep an eye out for events to go to, either with friends or by yourself to at least be with other people. If peers or your own willpower can't strong-arm you into spending time with people, ask your parents to annoy you if they see you haven't been getting out much.

[khdude214 40]

For the longest time I said that I really wanted to go to a college that was far away from home. However, when it came down to it I chose a college that is around 20 min away from home. I contemplated staying at home and saving money but decided against it, at least for the first year. I'm technically not even in a dorm, it's an on campus apartment. Regarding making friends, I found that i made quite a few new "acquaintances" through classes but more friends through extracurricular such as student radio and running club. Although I did make some friends through class those people were mostly just going to class and doing nothing else.

 

One of my best friends, who is a senior is high school, is having some of the same dilemmas and I told him to do what feels right. I recommended that he tried something out of his comfort zone if he was up for it, like living in a dorm with some random roommate. Because, at most universities, you can book only 1 semester of room at a time. Then I told him if he didnt like the first semester then he could change after that and the next year we could get a place together. 

 

My advice to you, as cheesy as it is, is to follow what your heart says. And not to push anything. The right thing will come along.

[DragonMaster 1,166]

It's a really tough decision to make.  A lot of decisions about college are tough to make, and I totally understand where you're coming from.  I go to a university that's only 20 minutes away from home, but I personally made the decision to live on campus, and I haven't regretted it at all since I've come here.  You really get to meet people you wouldn't otherwise, and no matter what kind of person you are (even someone obsessed with Kingdom Hearts like a lot of people here!), you can find your niche and meet awesome people from all kinds of different places.  In all honesty, it was easier for me to make friends in college than in high school because of all the cliques and pressures to fit in during high school, a lot of which are gone now.

 

Then again, being in a dorm does cost so much more so you gotta take that into consideration.  But I really feel like being in a dorm is part of the college experience, and I wouldn't change my decision to do it in a hundred years.  Do what your gut tells you

Yeah, the college experience is something I forgot to mention the opening post. Currently, I'm not sure how important the "college experience" is to me. It doesn't really have much appeal to me one way or the other, but I also don't want to feel like I'm missing out (plus, once I'm living it I'll probably start to like it more than I thought I would). I'll definitely have to think about it more, but thanks so much for this perspective.

 

 

I'm actually in the same situation (Going to be living at home and going to a college that's less than an hour from my home, too expensive to live there). I'm a little worried about the same thing, although I figured there will probably be enough going on at the campus that I probably won't need to live there, anyway. I'd suggest trying to find a club or something like that that interests you. You won't be on campus as often, but you'll still get to meet people with similar interests.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who worries about this stuff (well, obviously I can't be the only one, but it's nice to actually know somebody who feels the same). I think I'll definitely consider joining some clubs (that's something that has been a bit lacking in my high school life). Thanks.

 

I suggest that you maybe try and join some clubs at the college. You can make friends through them. I'm also planning on commuting to my college I'm going to next year and another thing I suggest that I am going to do is wear clothes that show off what I like. I have some shirts with artwork of some of my favorite games, TV shows, etc and people sometimes come up and say "Hey nice shirt" and a conversation starts.

I do have some Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon shirts, I've been a bit too self conscious to wear them to my current school though... Oh what the heck, I can't be self conscious about my interests if I want to meet people. I think I may try this. I mean, any one who'd judge me for it wouldn't be someone I'd want to be friends with anyway.

 

 

I'm currently doing just that [living at home, commute to college] and my advice is this: 

 

Don't worry too much about not being able to connect with people. Talk to classmates after class and see what happens there. Other social things to do would be joining a fraternity, or participate in clubs/organizations. 

Glad to hear from someone who's actually doing it, thanks. And it seems that pretty much everyone is telling me that clubs are the way to go, so I'm definitely going to join one/some, whether I live at home or not. I figure that the people in my classes will have some of the same interests, at least, so hopefully I can start a conversation without being too awkward.

 

I know some schools require you to live in a dorm (or residence hall) for the first year or so, but that might be wavered if you are living with your parents like you are.  I know how you feel about making friends - I spent a whole trimester in 6th grade with no friends as my friends were younger than me.  I do think this is a legit concern.  The first semester I spent at my current school I mostly watched Kingdom Hearts let's plays on Youtube.  But I signed up for Japanese class and that's where I found not only a friend but a group where I belonged.  I also joined a STEM sorority and that keeps me interacting with people too.  Try taking a class in something you're interested in or joining a club or organization.

Yeah, this school shouldn't have a problem with me commuting. And if it did, well my decision would be made for me, since the money I'd save by living at home is what makes it affordable compared to the other schools I've applied to. Being part of a fraternity/sorority (well, just fraternity in my case) doesn't really appeal to me (though I also don't know that much about them...), but with all the advice to join clubs so far I'll definitely give that a try. Thanks.

 

We have different kind of universities here in italy but I can assure you one thing:Living at home will not compromise you in any way. I do that and I still have lots of friends and a social life. You will join clubs and you will study togheter with friends (possibly in your university) so you won't miss any opportunity to bond with other people.

Thanks for this. Makes me feel more secure in my consideration.

 

Are there any other colleges you're considering? Also depending on your major, you may need those connections in a job. To be honest, $10,000 a year for connections is a lot... However if you feel you really would be better off as a human to escape and branch out, go for it full fledged.

 

Clubs are AMAZING! I`m currently in high school (Sophomore) and through classes I took I found people with similar interests and then joined various clubs with even more people with the same interests and it`s just amazing, I second this to the max!

There are a couple other colleges I'm considering, but this is the one that I've liked the most so far (the students I met were really kind, the campus is nice, not too many people, and great food that I could get for lunch). My major is going to be Computer Science and... I'm not really sure how much in the way of connections I'd need to get a starting job in the field, actually... I should really look into that. And even more advice to join clubs. You all have certainly convinced me. Thanks for replying.

 

Don't worry, universities usually offer like a gazillion ways to be social that don't necessarily involve living there. If you feel like staying at home might take away your incentive to be social, join a club. Keep an eye out for events to go to, either with friends or by yourself to at least be with other people. If peers or your own willpower can't strong-arm you into spending time with people, ask your parents to annoy you if they see you haven't been getting out much.

My parents wouldn't even need to be told to do that. I think I'll look into the kind of events they hold on campus, that sounds like a good way to meet people. It's a pretty small school, so I'm not sure how much they have, though. Thanks for the ideas.

 

 

For the longest time I said that I really wanted to go to a college that was far away from home. However, when it came down to it I chose a college that is around 20 min away from home. I contemplated staying at home and saving money but decided against it, at least for the first year. I'm technically not even in a dorm, it's an on campus apartment. Regarding making friends, I found that i made quite a few new "acquaintances" through classes but more friends through extracurricular such as student radio and running club. Although I did make some friends through class those people were mostly just going to class and doing nothing else.

 

One of my best friends, who is a senior is high school, is having some of the same dilemmas and I told him to do what feels right. I recommended that he tried something out of his comfort zone if he was up for it, like living in a dorm with some random roommate. Because, at most universities, you can book only 1 semester of room at a time. Then I told him if he didnt like the first semester then he could change after that and the next year we could get a place together. 

 

My advice to you, as cheesy as it is, is to follow what your heart says. And not to push anything. The right thing will come along.

I didn't know that about dorms, actually. o_o I figured you were at least stuck in the same one for the entire year. I also kinda figured classes would've been less conducive to making friends, actually that's where some of my worry comes from. And I think cheesy advice is sometimes the advice that's needed. I'll have to think on it more, but I'll choose what I feel is best when the time comes. Thank-you for replying.

[Awesomeness12 6]

Okay, my reply to this topic is relatively belated, as a lot of people have answered this and you've replied to those comments. You've probably made your decision anyway, but I thought I'd like to comment on this, just to give my opinion. In summary, you're faced with the problem of deciding whether to pay to be at the college or live at home so you can save money, right? I understand that you want to make friends, and that your best friend has decided to go to a college which is quite a ways away. I am also in this kind of dilemma, but at a much smaller ratio. Regardless, I have decided to go to a community college, and my older pal is transferring over to a university. Now, enough with my petty problems, this is about you. Please disregard everything said previously and focus your attention to what I'm about to [type]. You see, whether you take liking to the perspective or not, I hold a colder point of view and say that you should save money rather than focus your attention on trying to make friends. Not to be harsh, but when you're done with college or they are, they're just another person to say good-bye to. Friends are cool, but they're just baggage. And don't worry about not making friends, you'll meet friends in places like the classroom or the hallways. If you stay at the college to work on your schoolwork, you're bound to make friends when you ask for help or are giving it. If you're really worried, participate in something like a study group or extra-curricular activities.

 

So, yeah and . . . yeah. Just keep a cool head, don't freak out about it and you'll make friends in no time. Besides, could you imagine what would happen if you bought a dorm at the college and you didn't like your roommate?

[decisivesora123 39]

It's getting to the point where I'll have to choose a college soon, and there's one uncertainty that's really starting to nag at me now that high school graduation is a couple months away. One of the few colleges I'm heavily considering is about 10 minutes away from my current home. If I choose to go there, I'll obviously live at home and commute so I can save the $10,000 (and I get to keep my sweet bedroom). But I'm worried that I'll have a harder time making friends if I don't live in a dorm on campus.

 

I don't know how other people think stuff like this through, so my worry here might seem a bit insignificant, I guess. But I've really had to work hard to overcome personality challenges and social anxiety to make the friends I have now. There was a period of about 5 years where I was absolutely alone and had no friends whatsoever. I don't want to go back to that ever again. But as confident as I feel while alone and with my friends, it all goes away when I'm with new people. Now that graduation is eminent, most of my good friends are going to be moving away (my best friends is looking at a college 7 hours away, for example ). I'm worried that if I have the crutch of living with my family, I'll rely on it too much and miss out on connecting with people at college...

 

At the same time, I could be worrying for nothing and find that I'm able to maintain the courage I built up. But even then, I worry that the very fact that I'm not living with the rest of the students will put me at a disadvantage...

 

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Just because you live 10 minutes away that shouldn't stop you from living in a dorm if you want too. that being said undergrad doesn't really matter towards your major you can go to any college all you have to do is get the grade, i would say the choice is your's. I live 10 minutes away from my campus but i still dorm, for the experience.

From my experience don't worry about making friends, if don't stay in your room all the time and you were to go to you floor lounge or study lounge you will be able to make friends really fast. what i am trying to say is if you are in an exposed area and you don't want to talk first, i can guarantee that they will talk first. When you go to college the farthest thing from you mind should be your old friends if you see them great, and if they become a part of your new group that's also great, but don't keep on depending on your old friends, the ones you make now are the ones you keep forever. Of course there are some exceptions to that, but you will figure that out yourself.

[Fates Chance XIII 307]

Your first priority when choosing a college should be the academics. What school has the best program for what you want. Are you looking at a 2 yr or 4 yr degree, or just getting your gen eds out of the way while working? Full time student, part time student which are you looking for? And yes, while friends in college are important don't forget why you're there: to prepare for your future. Especially if you're going on to get even higher education.

 

With that said, if your finances are stable, and you can afford to live on campus, I say do it. It is valuable life exp, and it really could help with your anxiety. I would recommend while your there, join any study groups or maybe a club if they have any. That is an awesome way to make friends in a new place. I would stay away from sororities or frats. And if you don't see a club or group you want, make your own! Its not that hard. Maybe you're big into anime or video games, or books or something. Hang some fliers (check that there isn't anything you have to do with the school) find a place to meet, and boom you have a club. And you're joined by a shared interest so you already will have something to talk about and connect with. But again, remember why you're there. Your studies need to come first before anything else. There'll be plenty of time to party and hang out later. You really only get one chance this semester when it comes to your grades. If you screw up, you'll have to pay for those classes again. Plus, having all your school work squared away, makes the having fun times even better! You have nothing to worry about so you can truly be carefree and have fun!

 

Hope that helped And remember to break out of your shell and try new things. Stay outta trouble, and have fun! Best of luck!

[DragonMaster 1,166]

Okay, my reply to this topic is relatively belated, as a lot of people have answered this and you've replied to those comments. You've probably made your decision anyway, but I thought I'd like to comment on this, just to give my opinion. In summary, you're faced with the problem of deciding whether to pay to be at the college or live at home so you can save money, right? I understand that you want to make friends, and that your best friend has decided to go to a college which is quite a ways away. I am also in this kind of dilemma, but at a much smaller ratio. Regardless, I have decided to go to a community college, and my older pal is transferring over to a university. Now, enough with my petty problems, this is about you. Please disregard everything said previously and focus your attention to what I'm about to [type]. You see, whether you take liking to the perspective or not, I hold a colder point of view and say that you should save money rather than focus your attention on trying to make friends. Not to be harsh, but when you're done with college or they are, they're just another person to say good-bye to. Friends are cool, but they're just baggage. And don't worry about not making friends, you'll meet friends in places like the classroom or the hallways. If you stay at the college to work on your schoolwork, you're bound to make friends when you ask for help or are giving it. If you're really worried, participate in something like a study group or extra-curricular activities.

 

So, yeah and . . . yeah. Just keep a cool head, don't freak out about it and you'll make friends in no time. Besides, could you imagine what would happen if you bought a dorm at the college and you didn't like your roommate?

Heh, I don't think your response is too cold, it is certainly based in sound logic. With the scholarships and grants I've gotten, the total for most of the schools I've applied to will be about $10-20 thousand for the first year. Still a lot of money, but also way better than the $40-50 thousand they are at base price. It's mostly a matter of choosing based on academics and how much I like the campus/people/students. I guess a lot of my hesitation is with the fact that I had a particularly bad middle school experience, but I was also far different then from what I am now. Hmm... the only thing I can really say is that I need to think on this longer, I don't think I'm ready to make the decision yet (luckily I've got about a month...).

 

And yes, that possibility frightens me to no end. X_X

 

 

Just because you live 10 minutes away that shouldn't stop you from living in a dorm if you want too. that being said undergrad doesn't really matter towards your major you can go to any college all you have to do is get the grade, i would say the choice is your's. I live 10 minutes away from my campus but i still dorm, for the experience.

From my experience don't worry about making friends, if don't stay in your room all the time and you were to go to you floor lounge or study lounge you will be able to make friends really fast. what i am trying to say is if you are in an exposed area and you don't want to talk first, i can guarantee that they will talk first. When you go to college the farthest thing from you mind should be your old friends if you see them great, and if they become a part of your new group that's also great, but don't keep on depending on your old friends, the ones you make now are the ones you keep forever. Of course there are some exceptions to that, but you will figure that out yourself.

It's more the fact that I'd be saving a lot of money by living at home. Plus, if I'm going to be honest with myself, I'd probably spend most of my off time at home. And it's hard to let go of people I've spent years knowing, y'know? But I do see the reasoning behind what you're saying, it's mostly just sentimentality that's making me resist. I guess part of being prepared for college is being prepared for change, both good and bad...

 

 

Your first priority when choosing a college should be the academics. What school has the best program for what you want. Are you looking at a 2 yr or 4 yr degree, or just getting your gen eds out of the way while working? Full time student, part time student which are you looking for? And yes, while friends in college are important don't forget why you're there: to prepare for your future. Especially if you're going on to get even higher education.

 

With that said, if your finances are stable, and you can afford to live on campus, I say do it. It is valuable life exp, and it really could help with your anxiety. I would recommend while your there, join any study groups or maybe a club if they have any. That is an awesome way to make friends in a new place. I would stay away from sororities or frats. And if you don't see a club or group you want, make your own! Its not that hard. Maybe you're big into anime or video games, or books or something. Hang some fliers (check that there isn't anything you have to do with the school) find a place to meet, and boom you have a club. And you're joined by a shared interest so you already will have something to talk about and connect with. But again, remember why you're there. Your studies need to come first before anything else. There'll be plenty of time to party and hang out later. You really only get one chance this semester when it comes to your grades. If you screw up, you'll have to pay for those classes again. Plus, having all your school work squared away, makes the having fun times even better! You have nothing to worry about so you can truly be carefree and have fun!

 

Hope that helped And remember to break out of your shell and try new things. Stay outta trouble, and have fun! Best of luck!

Heh, trust me I've got my academics covered. All of the schools I've applied to range from good to great, and unless I really drop the ball I doubt my grades will be anything close to bad. I could probably put more thought to the future, however, 'cause I've always been someone who was mostly focused on the present. To answer your questions; they all have pretty good Computer Science programs (like in 80-90 some odd percent of graduates go on to higher education or get a job in the field within the first year), 4 year degree (will probably end up going for a Master's), and full-time student but might get a small side job if schedule allows. I could certainly make the financials work with living on campus, but I won't deny that it would be much easier to manage by not doing so.

 

The life experience is what get's me. I'm not sure how much I actually want this experience. Do I want to do it because I'd feel left out? Or do I think it would be fun, and its just one doubting part of me that's holding me back? I guess I should've asked myself some of these questions before making this thread, because I'm kinda at a loss on how to respond. But anyway, again I see the logic behind your words. I think at this point I'm just realizing that I'm not taking as mature a viewpoint on this whole thing as I thought I was. You were helpful, thank you.

 

That extends to all of you. You've all given me new things to consider and dispelled some of my worries. Which ever school I choose, I'll definitely join some clubs and make the most of it (whether living on campus or off), while also not loosing sight of academics. So thanks everyone.