Don't know if I feel bad or not..?

[Taeyeon 1,137]

So something as of late has been stressing me out a lot. When I was young I never really had anybody to look up to as a "role model" the reason being was because me and 4 other older brothers were separated from each other when I was only about 2 years old due to personal family trouble problems; due to this I really never had anyone to look up to, not even parents either since my Mom used to work 3rd night shifts all the time, and she would come home and sleep during the day, while my dad was away on his jobs or with my other brothers. The things I know how to do now was because I learned on my own by myself no one within my family taught me how to do anything much.

 

Fast forward around 07-10 my brothers finally came back into my life and our relationship was decent to say the least as I was growing up through middle school I learned a lot about life through my brothers and such since 2 of them finished high school and the other 2 were still in their senior year. So I looked up to them for a while; soon after I realized my brothers weren't all perfect, one of them was a drug attic he kept it away from my parents for a long time till they finally caught on; after almost losing his life one time he said he finally quit but after accidentally opening Facebook on the family tablet I found out he was still doing drugs. My other brother turned out to be alcoholic he would always go out drinking and doesn't come home to late, some times even the cops would have to bring him home due to the craziness he cause's.

 

 

Fast forward to present day; So long story short I bonded with my brothers for a good amount of time through out high school, and now I feel like the bond isn't there anymore since all the bad they have cause to me and the family. I honestly don't like dealing with them anymore, whenever we all go out as a family I usually put a happy mask face on;  that's how disconnected I am to them now. I feel guilty for not trying to bond more with them now, but at the same time all they do is drink and do drugs and whenever I try to understand them, they never listen to what I have to say. This lead me to become suicidal from time to time, since I had to put up with all the stress and such, I always thought if I removed myself from this world would it only cause more suffering to them, or would they feel enough pain to my brothers to put them back on the right path once more? I know I sound like a idiot right now, but I'm just stress and tired from all the pain. Should I feel bad for not bonding with them anymore? Should I feel bad for ignoring them now?

[Amber Cole 1,557]

I'm sorry. Forgiveness is what they need, but I have family like that and I just put a happy face on when they are around. Still be nice to them, but you don't have to constantly be around them. People do change over time. Trust me, I know. They might change for the better. Pray about it, that's what works best

[Sora232323 36]

No you shouldn't and if you can't talk to any of them-try your parents if not- try here and your friends we all are here for you and although we won't see you and you won't see us for real it at least helps you reliviate stress. Also suicide isn't worth it thatn illustrate your pain to them in words and last thing everyone's here for you so feel free to pm me or any of us and I hope this helps.

[Ruby Rose 8,591]

Blood relatives are only that- people related to you through genetics or whatnot, you didn't ask to be with them- you don't wanna get close or be with them then don't, live your own life regardless of what they do

[Nick Sideris 1,551]

Well, they are still your family . And that means you have to accept them,whether you want it or not . Now , suicidal wouldn't be a solution . It would probably make things worse in your family ,I can assure you of that . Try to talk to your brothers more . Maybe to some other relatives of yours ,like your uncle or someone else . Of course, you don't need to search for advise in a site of total strangers but ,hey , that is up to you .

Edited March 14, 2014 by Nick Sideris

[xoblivionx13 1,133]

That is a bit of a jam. But I know one thing for sure: killing/harming yourself will not solve the problem or make it any better. For you or your family. It's ok that your bond with your brothers isn't a strong one. Does it stink? Yeah. Do you wish there was something else you can do? Of course. Will it work? Who the heck knows. Sometimes people have good ties with their families, sometimes they don't. I'm not saying it's right but it happens. At least you've tried reaching out. I'd say try having a conversation about this with every family member present and see what happens. Maybe tell your brothers you're worried about them. I dunno. But you shouldn't put all the stress of whatever is going on with your family on yourself. It's not your fault nor will it do you any good. And if what your brothers do make you uncomfortable let them know or find someone to talk to about it.

 

You've got us.

[Javelin434 3,164]

Should I feel bad for not bonding with them anymore? Should I feel bad for ignoring them now?

The bottom line is that you gave them a chance to connect and to bond with you, but it seems that they value their vices more than they value family. 

 

Times like this, fighting fire with fire isn't usually the best option. I would recommend not ignoring them outright, but distance yourself from them [since they do sound like negative influences to you]. However, despite being distant from them, continue to form a positive bond with them. that way, it's the best of both world: You won't get hurt from and by them, and yet you're emotionally close enough to still keep a sense of family and love.

 

Honestly though, I'm gonna need more time to think it through before coming up with a better answer.

 

 

I feel guilty for not trying to bond more with them now, but at the same time all they do is drink and do drugs and whenever I try to understand them, they never listen to what I have to say. This lead me to become suicidal from time to time, since I had to put up with all the stress and such, I always thought if I removed myself from this world would it only cause more suffering to them, or would they feel enough pain to my brothers to put them back on the right path once more?

Becoming a martyr for your brothers is a noble cause, but completely wrong given the vices that they're hooked on.Lets not go down that path shall we? If you ever feel like kicking the bucket, against all better judgement and as crazy as this may sound, find someone to talk to in real life or here on the forums [but please as a last resort, there's only so much a wall of text can do...]