Something that Really Bugs Me Sometimes

[Shulk 8,623]

I'm a guy who has really bad social anxiety offline, and even somewhat online. I can talk fine to people I know really well, but I have a lot of trouble trusting a lot of people, or even just saying something as simple as "Hi", even in response to someone who says it first. I'd say one of the most frustrating things about social anxiety is that people who don't have it don't understand it at all, and instead act like we're all just whining and moaning about it for whatever dumb reason possible. Well, I have something to say about that.

 

Social anxiety is a REAL thing. It's not just some excuse made for being anti-social, or for getting attention. It's a real problem that some of us face. Some of it have it worse than others. It's not something that's easy for us to deal with, or something that we ask for. It's not something we can easily get over. It hurts, and many of us don't want to deal with it.

 

Also, many people say "Just be yourself!" or "It's not that tough to start a conversation!" or even "The other person won't mind it, so why should you?". Well, as someone with social anxiety, I'll say that it's not as simple as a lot of people make it out to be. Being ourselves doesn't instantly make us feel like we can converse easily. It IS tough for us to start conversations. Some of us, such as myself, will worry about how people see us no matter what. It's a mental barrier, not just physical. It's practically the same as a fear. Fears aren't easy to overcome, and can take people months to get over with a lot of help. Telling us to get over it, or that it isn't as hard as we think doesn't always help.

 

Also, assuming that someone who doesn't talk much is anti-social really pisses me off. I've been in that situation, but it's not because I'm anti-social. No, it's because I have no clue how to talk around people I don't know well. When you see someone who's being quiet, it's likely that there's MUCH MORE to it than them just hating people. They could be going through some rough times. They could just have a lot of difficulty talking to people, and when they do, they tend to get shrugged off or hated. If you REALLY want to help them, then talk to them. It could seriously make a huge difference to that person if you just go up and try to make a conversation with them. You wouldn't believe how much it could change them if you just went over and tried to be a friend for them. In fact, recently, someone at my new college came over to talk to me for a bit. He might not have seen it as much for all I know, but it honestly made my day to know that there were people who cared about me outside of my small group of friends who I can rarely see anymore. We sincerely can't start a conversation, and when someone starts one with us, and acts friendly towards us instead of calling us anti-social or whatever, it really matters to us.

 

So, yeah. Sorry about the rant, but I've been kind of fed up with this attitude towards people with social anxiety, and the fact that no one stands up for us. I know I act talkative and make a lot of jokes on the forums, but when it comes to actual conversations offline, and sometimes online, I'm just as bad as a lot of other people with social anxiety. Hopefully next time you see someone who says they have social anxiety, or is sitting silently to themselves, you won't just think of them as an annoying antisocial kid who hates everything.

[Cucco 1,907]

Thank you for this

[Shulk 8,623]

Thank you for this

No problem. The Youtube comments, crap I deal with in real life (And even some posts on here) finally got to me and made me want to stand up for those of us with social anxiety. I'm getting tired of it all, people don't seem to understand this is something that actually exists.

[MasterXemnas 2,285]

Fool. I suggest trying to join your school drama club or something like that. It really helps. Also, just start saying hi to everyone you pass. It sucks, but you'll find that mostly everyone will smile and say hi back. It's a numbers game. Eventually, you'll get comfortable with the idea.

[Fierce Deity Link 925]

Well, I'm sure you'll get over it eventually. When I was around 13, I was incredibly shy. I was really scared the first time I bought something, talking to the cashier and stuff. Now though, while I'm still a bit shy, I love talking to people (but not over the phone, people mistake me for a woman due to the fact that I sound kinda mousey on the phone, heh heh). I take every chance I get, like holding the door open just to say "you're welcome" back to the person. I believe you'll be able to do the same thing, in time. I can't really give much advice other than not to give up, no matter how hard it seems to be.

[Ruby Rose 8,591]

"But you know, it still really bugs me. Something about this just stinks."

 

That's what I thought of upon seeing the Topic title, but in all seriousness social anxiety is totally a real thing. It messes with people for sure, but people with it tend to come off as the cool tough, silent types to me

[Godot 513]

i feel you!! im an extrovert, so i need to be around people and talk to people, but my anxiety gets in the way so im really quiet around people i dont know well and it's honestly really draining

[Shulk 8,623]

"But you know, it still really bugs me. Something about this just stinks."

 

That's what I thought of upon seeing the Topic title, but in all seriousness social anxiety is totally a real thing. It messes with people for sure, but people with it tend to come off as the cool tough, silent types to me

Made even more ironic since my username used to be VIIIAxel

 

I've had a few people who saw me as the strong silent type, too. Not too often, though.

[Ruby Rose 8,591]

Made even more ironic since my username used to be VIIIAxel I've had a few people who saw me as the strong silent type, too. Not too often, though.

I didn't know that o.o I wonder if I'll ever change my username xDIf you aren't already, work out and get buff- then when you can't talk due to the anxiety no one will question it, it'll just go with your image and make you seem even cooler! :DBut my advice probably isn't the best- I'm not a therapist like Lalalablah @.@

[Dio Brando 5,810]

I'm a guy who has really bad social anxiety offline, and even somewhat online. I can talk fine to people I know really well, but I have a lot of trouble trusting a lot of people, or even just saying something as simple as "Hi", even in response to someone who says it first. I'd say one of the most frustrating things about social anxiety is that people who don't have it don't understand it at all, and instead act like we're all just whining and moaning about it for whatever dumb reason possible. Well, I have something to say about that.

 

Social anxiety is a REAL thing. It's not just some excuse made for being anti-social, or for getting attention. It's a real problem that some of us face. Some of it have it worse than others. It's not something that's easy for us to deal with, or something that we ask for. It's not something we can easily get over. It hurts, and many of us don't want to deal with it.

 

Also, many people say "Just be yourself!" or "It's not that tough to start a conversation!" or even "The other person won't mind it, so why should you?". Well, as someone with social anxiety, I'll say that it's not as simple as a lot of people make it out to be. Being ourselves doesn't instantly make us feel like we can converse easily. It IS tough for us to start conversations. Some of us, such as myself, will worry about how people see us no matter what. It's a mental barrier, not just physical. It's practically the same as a fear. Fears aren't easy to overcome, and can take people months to get over with a lot of help. Telling us to get over it, or that it isn't as hard as we think doesn't always help.

 

Also, assuming that someone who doesn't talk much is anti-social really pisses me off. I've been in that situation, but it's not because I'm anti-social. No, it's because I have no clue how to talk around people I don't know well. When you see someone who's being quiet, it's likely that there's MUCH MORE to it than them just hating people. They could be going through some rough times. They could just have a lot of difficulty talking to people, and when they do, they tend to get shrugged off or hated. If you REALLY want to help them, then talk to them. It could seriously make a huge difference to that person if you just go up and try to make a conversation with them. You wouldn't believe how much it could change them if you just went over and tried to be a friend for them. In fact, recently, someone at my new college came over to talk to me for a bit. He might not have seen it as much for all I know, but it honestly made my day to know that there were people who cared about me outside of my small group of friends who I can rarely see anymore. We sincerely can't start a conversation, and when someone starts one with us, and acts friendly towards us instead of calling us anti-social or whatever, it really matters to us.

 

So, yeah. Sorry about the rant, but I've been kind of fed up with this attitude towards people with social anxiety, and the fact that no one stands up for us. I know I act talkative and make a lot of jokes on the forums, but when it comes to actual conversations offline, and sometimes online, I'm just as bad as a lot of other people with social anxiety. Hopefully next time you see someone who says they have social anxiety, or is sitting silently to themselves, you won't just think of them as an annoying antisocial kid who hates everything.

Totally feel you buddy

 

This happens to me everytime when I visit people like my Grandpa,my Dad's friends who visits him,and most of the time when someone is significantly older than me,then social anxiety comes to bite me

 

I don't know what to say to them because they didn't interact with me at all aside from the visits,and we don't share similar interests

 

And the biggest problem is,you can't please anybody,if I talked my dad will say why did you say this and that,and if I didn't say anything,he'll say why didn't you speak

 

And I hate it so much when my dad accuse me of being anti-social and that video games are the reason.............NO,IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!!!!

 

I'm not an anti-social prick

 

I talk with my friends normally like I do when I talk to my brothers around me,I feel more open and welcomed when I set with people that's around my age group and share similar interests with them,I've sat with many of my friends in college talking all day about video games,anime,movies.....etc

 

but you know what they say,you can't please everybody no matter how hard you try

[Dark Goddess 13]

I know the feeling, I'm at the point where I start shaking when I'm around even a small group of people. The only people I've talked to offline in years are my best friend and his family. I hate being like this, and when we get ridiculed about it, it makes it so much worse. It's sort of like getting laughed at because of a fear.

[Nick Sideris 1,551]

I've never heard about social anxiety . We call it "no-self-confidence" here . 

[Shulk 8,623]

I've never heard about social anxiety . We call it "no-self-confidence" here . 

And it's exactly these kinds of comments that I was referring to when I said they don't help us with social anxiety at ALL. -_-

[Kaweebo 3,617]

I have my off days and I have good days when it comes to social anxiety. One of my biggest problems is that I don't know what to say a lot of times. Consistently, I'll forget words and sometimes even what I was JUST TALKING ABOUT because I'm so nervous and drawing a blank. Even with people that I see on a semi-regular basis. I'm so self-conscious that my anxiety on whether I'm going to say something stupid or not overwrites whatever the topic was. My other problem is that I find it incredibly hard to smile in a conversation. That's put some people off because they think I'm just disinterested or being rude. I'm not, it's just something I'm trying to work on.

 

Social anxiety is one of those things that people think you can just 'get over'. Hell, there are people who still think you can get over DEPRESSION. This is nothing comparatively. Which is why I appreciate when people are understanding when it comes to it and help me work through conversations because it's a huge struggle for me to even think of words some times. 

 

Thank you for making this thread, Black Star. 

Edited February 16, 2014 by Kaweebo

[Tigerruss 576]

Sadly, I think the only way to "overcome" social anxiety is to slowly doing or being around what makes you anxious without it harming you.Like it would be doing what makes you the least anxious, but still makes you anxious, until doing that starts to feel normal. After that progress to something that is a bit harder, and continue on until you are satisfied, or until nothing is holding you back.Of course, that is a lot easier said than done. And even if it was "easy" to do, it takes a lot of time and dedication.Not that you were necessarily asking how to over come it.

 

[Zoro317 111]

Social anxiety is not some abstract phenomenon or indelible personality trait. It is an explainable dynamic that you can choose to control. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's very possible. I conquered my anxiety when I realized I'm not epitome of other people's worlds. I forced myself to quit caring what other people might or might not think about me and what I have to bring to a conversation. We're not perfect, nor are we mind-readers. It's a tiresome and ultimately useless endeavor to play that guessing game, so I wouldn't exhaust yourself over it too much  :happy:

[Javelin434 3,164]

I've never heard about social anxiety . We call it "no-self-confidence" here . 

Allow me to set something straight....

 

No self-confidence and social anxiety are different from one another. Self-confidence is the concept of how you perceive yourself on your capabilities. [and not to be confused with Self-Esteem, which is the concept of self-worth.] This of course can be negatively altered by anything from bullying, to unsupportive parents, life in general, and negative interactions with others for example, and is only a small list in which someone's self-confidence could be wrecked. Here's an example with someone with high vs. low self-confidence: A person with high self-confidence would invest in the stock market because they believe they can predict the trends in the market and invest accordingly, and make millions for themselves. A person with low self-confidence would be a person who would say no to a simple favor of getting a glass of water because they genuinely believe they will screw up horrifically one way or another.

 

Social anxiety on the other hand, is a bit more complicated.Social anxiety is a recognized mental phobia that is classified as the fear of interaction with others and/or being scrutinized, judged, or doing something embarrassing in public [justified or otherwise.] And so, because of the anxiety felt because of the phobia, they would try to do anything to minimize their interaction with others in an attempt to keep the feeling to a minimum. An example of this would be being unable to maintain a job because of being unable to interact properly with your boss or co-workers. Another example of this in action would be the cases where students would not attend their schools because of the fear of seeing others. There are varying degrees of the phobia with the most severe case being so crippling to the point that they are unable to function in society in general.

 

Fool. I suggest trying to join your school drama club or something like that. It really helps. Also, just start saying hi to everyone you pass. It sucks, but you'll find that mostly everyone will smile and say hi back. It's a numbers game. Eventually, you'll get comfortable with the idea.

It's never that simple with those with social anxiety because it is a phobia.

[MasterXemnas 2,285]

 

 

It's never that simple with those with social anxiety because it is a phobia.

Fool. It's how I got over it. You can get rid of phobias if you put the effort in.

[Shulk 8,623]

Fool. It's how I got over it. You can get rid of phobias if you put the effort in.

And this effort is to jump straight ahead to the more difficult tasks? It rarely works when someone instantly jumps ahead to an extreme like a drama club. If someone with social anxiety ends up under that much pressure right away, they'll simply fail.

 

Also, not everyone is you. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else. People have varying degrees of social anxiety. Just because yours was easy to cure doesn't mean everyone else's is.

[MasterXemnas 2,285]

And this effort is to jump straight ahead to the more difficult tasks? It rarely works when someone instantly jumps ahead to an extreme like a drama club. If someone with social anxiety ends up under that much pressure right away, they'll simply fail.

 

Also, not everyone is you. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else. People have varying degrees of social anxiety. Just because yours was easy to cure doesn't mean everyone else's is.

Fool. Effort is anything you do to make it better. Drama club doesn't have to be an extreme. If you put yourself in a safe environment, it's hard to get hurt. I didn't say mine was easy to cure, but it has been cured. Having a phobia is okay. Making excuses to not do anything about isn't. Your way hasn't been working. Maybe trust the guy it did work for. In the end, there is never really anything to be afraid of.

[DragonMaster 1,166]

Thanks so much for posting this, Black Star, that's how I feel a lot of the time. Luckily, in my case, I think most people just look at me and figure "strong, silent type" and leave me alone (I'm tall and broad, so people just assume I'm strong, they're wrong, but it keeps people from messing with me so I'll take it).

 

 

Also, assuming that someone who doesn't talk much is anti-social really pisses me off. I've been in that situation, but it's not because I'm anti-social. No, it's because I have no clue how to talk around people I don't know well. When you see someone who's being quiet, it's likely that there's MUCH MORE to it than them just hating people. They could be going through some rough times. They could just have a lot of difficulty talking to people, and when they do, they tend to get shrugged off or hated. If you REALLY want to help them, then talk to them. It could seriously make a huge difference to that person if you just go up and try to make a conversation with them. You wouldn't believe how much it could change them if you just went over and tried to be a friend for them. In fact, recently, someone at my new college came over to talk to me for a bit. He might not have seen it as much for all I know, but it honestly made my day to know that there were people who cared about me outside of my small group of friends who I can rarely see anymore. We sincerely can't start a conversation, and when someone starts one with us, and acts friendly towards us instead of calling us anti-social or whatever, it really matters to us.

SO MUCH THIS. I cannot stress how true this is. I do not hate people, I just have no clue whatsoever how to interact with them. I freeze up when talking to people. Sure, after it's over I can think back say "Ah, that's what I should of said" or I can imagine conversations and how I should go about them, but the minute I actually start talking to someone my brain pretty much says "lulz nope".

 

To the part in bold, that is exactly why I love my best friend so much. She doesn't let my awkwardness bother her, she just talks to me like anyone else. I get so worried that she'll get sick of me (our schedules at school are nearly the same, so I see here a lot), that I apologize to her, but she always tells me that I worry for nothing. I don't think she realizes that even though what she does is quite simple for her, it means the world to me. I've tried to tell her, but I just can't put it into words in a way that really expresses how much it helps me. She, and my few other friends, are the only reason I enjoy going to school.