11 years later...

[Robbie the Wise 5,050]

So it's been 11 years since my Dad passed away. To be honest it's been so long I feel like had I not been reminded I might have forgotten. Anyone who really knows me also knows that I'm not an open book I'm the type of book with a lock on it. I'm usually the type to shoulder my burdens alone regardless of how big they are. Looking back now that lock was forged the day my Dad passed away. You see my Dad was the only person who I ever felt looked right past all the bad in me and only saw the good. Even if I raised hell after Mom simmered down (enough for him not to look bad)he'd plop me on his lap give me a hug and tell me to do better next time. He always encouraged me in aspects of my life in which others would try to discourage me. At the times when I felt no one was on my side he was the one person who would stand for me. In a way he helped shoulder my burdens even the ones I created.

 

Then one day he was gone. I had always known he was sick but at that age I just never understood the extent of it. I never associated it with him being vulnerable to me it just meant we couldn't go fishing or bike riding. The doctors of course tell you everything is going to be fine but of course it wasn't. Of my repressed memories during that time the memory of when I found out he was gone still rings clear. I remember telling Jane Chandler a family friend "No he isn't quit joking" but when I saw her tears I knew. I ran up to my room the Flintstones marathon was playing. After that flashes passed me as I went through the motions. I remember telling my brother I had lost my best friend..I remember a bunch of people that never bothered visiting before coming to the wake...I remember the anger that came in the aftermath.

 

I never admitted it to anyone or talked about it to anyone but that time period was a time when I developed an irrational anger towards any and everything. It was also the time I decided I did not need to rely on anyone anymore. Perhaps I was really compensating for the lack of closure or I was angry at the feelings that I had been left alone with. One thing was clear though I indeed felt alone. It took me a long time to let go of some that anger, it will take even longer for it to go completely, carrying all my burdens alone iss something I'll prpbably always do. But one thing my Dad taught me is that anger is not always the answer. Sometimes you have to look past the bad to see the good. Anger and hate can only get you so far.

 

So do me a favor to anyone reading this don't feel sad but go tell your Mom and Dad you love them don't take for granted. The lessons they teach can sometimes offer more then any degree or textbook. Sometimes in order to comprehend the value of something you have to lose it first. It's never to late perhaps all it takes is for you to start over and do as my Dad would tell me today if he were here "Do better next time".

[Nick Sideris 1,551]

I am sorry for your loss .  

[HarLea Quinn 26,501]

Robbie you know that I'm here for you when you need me . True friends will always hold you up when you need them whether you realize you need them or not . 

[143436611Xxcc 1,105]

Inspiring man... Thanks for opening up. God bless you and your family.

[Sandra_Nedelcheva1998 244]

I..don't know what to say,I'm literally crying right now...

I feel that we both have a lot in common,I both got completely discourage to comunicate with other people And depended on my perants because of bullying and my overprotective mom.I also felt so much anger and I even thought of commiting suicide a lot.I still have scars from back then even thought my relationship with her got better,I came a little more open to people.And just like your dad,my dad tries his best to motivate me to move on.

 

All I want to say is that you are not alone.Don't let others let you down,especially not yourself.This topic definitely helped me and I'll try to make myself better

 

And for your dad...God bless him and everyone you love

 

Thank you

Edited February 15, 2014 by Sandra_Nedelcheva1998

[_The Door To Light_ 1,507]

This really made me tear up. The message at the end really got to me. I'm sorry for your loss, dev. You've always been a good friend to me on this site.

And just remember, your father will always be with you.