The truth about Twilight

[Xakarineth 0]

I'm here to speak my mind about one of the most dreadful, heinous, evil atrocities in existance. Something that can only be described as an abhorrent insult to decent people everywhere.

If you haven't guessed by now, I am, of course, referring to the unspeakable horror that is the Twilight saga; a series that is so mind-numbingly awful, that the very name has become the equivolent of a needle in my eardrum. Now, I know quite a few people on this site rather enjoy Twilight (for some reason), so if you're one of those who do, and if you are easily offended, I highly suggest hitting the "back" button at the upper left corner of your screen.

I would like to begin my rant with this: For those of you who may say "u polly havnt evn read it! giv it a chance!" or "ur just jealous cuz it's awesum!!1!1" First of all, I HAVE given it a chance. I started off giving the books a read, and that's really what started my passionate hatred for this goddess-forsaken mucus ball. I was only able to get halfway through the first book before I said "I'd rather hump the underside of a running lawnmower than continue reading this!" The books are just atrocious. The characters are empty shells, the plotline is all over the map, and the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure really just make me want to cry. Fanfiction written by mentally challenged eight-year-olds is a refreshing step up from Twilight. And as for me being "jealous", well, you're just wrong. I'm not "jealous", I'm infuriated. Infuriated that something as vomit-inducing as THIS is trying to be passed off as a legitimate vampire novel.

Another thing that really chaps my @$$ are the Twilight fans. A good 96% of them are just awful. The typical Twilight fan is usually a female tanorexic tween whore wannabe that thinks that they're the epitome of what the book represents, and as such, they're just the greatest things ever, and The Goddess's gift to this planet. Twilight fans are usually prepubescent middle-school girls that were once seen wearing clothes from labels such as American Smeagol and Aberzombie and B*tch, but since the rise of Twilight, now shop at stores that were once thought to be below them. Places such as Hot Topic (who, sadly, has become just another commercialized moron store, rather than the Sub-Culture Paradise it once was.) and Spencer's .(don't even get me started on that place.) They're the kind of people that are now wearing the very same clothes and makeup that they themselves used to make fun of, but now want to claim it as their own in an attempt to fit into a fictional third-rate book. And what's worse is that they will talk to you for HOURS about Twilight, and why they represent it so well, and why we should all love Twilight and masturbate to our Edward Cullen posters at night, and if you don't agree with them 110%, they will not hesitate to start a round of verbal fisticuffs with you, telling you how wrong you are, and how you're so much lower than they are because you have the good sense to stay away from the evils of Twilight and not get sucked into their cult. True story: are you ready for this?... I actually had a fan tell me - and I'm dead serious - that she was going to get her friends to beat me up because I say negative things about Twilight. And on top of that, I can't even go into a bookstore for a new bookmark without having to mosh my way through the massive hoard of Twilight fans who are all up in a tither because "lyke, OMG! theres a new edward or jacob poster out now!!!1!!!1" It's gotten to the point where I'd rather go snorkeling in a porta-jon than be within a 15-mile radius of these belligerent jerks.

As for the movies, I can't believe this is even possible, but they are even MORE poorly-written than the books! I gagged at a freakin TRAILER for New Moon. I can't imagine someone actually WANTING to PAY to sit through that kind of torture.

And the biggest insult EVER is that some dunce actually made a TWILIGHT MANGA. I never thought I'd EVER come across a manga that I want to BURN, but lo and behold, there it is, sitting on the second shelf of aisle 2 in Books-A-Million, taunting me with this manga-fied picture of Bella sitting under a tree holding a daisy. Oh, how brooding and deep!

My hope is that Twilight, much like many other things, will be a hit for a while, but then, in a few years, fall into the dark depths of obscurity where it belongs, and then eventually, you'll see a dust-covered Twilight book on the 99-cent rack at Waldenbooks, where someone will eventually pick it up and take it home to be used to paper-train their new puppy.

In conclusion, Twilight is THE most poorly-written, over-commercialized waste of perfectly good paper that I have ever seen in all my years of life. To those who enjoy it: please, for Ra's sake, put that piece of trash down, and pick up a REAL book! To those of you who hate it as much as I do: let's be friends!

[rho 9]

Edward Cullen isn't a vampire, he's a pedophile fairy. Simple as that.

 

How anyone could think a pedophile stalking an underage girl and putting her in an abusive relationship is romantic is beyond me.

[Xakarineth 0]

Edward Cullen isn't a vampire, he's a pedophile fairy. Simple as that.

 

How anyone could think a pedophile stalking an underage girl and putting her in an abusive relationship is romantic is beyond me.

 

 

FINALLY someone gets it! Thank you for recognizing the truth! HIGH FIVE!

[Godot 513]

Do you want to have my babies, or can I have yours? Because I love you for writing that. ?

[Protoman 1,974]

Meyerlogic=Failure.

 

Nyeh, I have to deal with my sister and cousin being fans ohwell...

I couldn't get though New Moon(I skipped 1/3 of the moaning that edward was gone), now I have to finish that and the rest of the books.

Well, vampire romance novels aren't really my thing anyways...

 

OHSPOILERS

 

NEW MOON:

 

Bella:OMG ANGST ANGST ITS BY BIRTHDAY BUT I DONT WANT AND GIFTS CAUSE I DUN WANNA BE OLDER OHLOLOLOL

Edward: LETS HAVE A PARTYYYY

Cullens: YAY

Bella: HELL NO

Meanwhile, at the party.

Bella: OMG ANGST ANGST PAPER CLIP

Somg fairy guy: RAWR IMA EAT YOU ASFJALKDGA

Bella: OH NOES!

Cullens: RAWR

Bella: Somehow, I got serverly injured because of mah BOYFRAND.

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY

Edward: IM TO DANGEROUS IMA LEAVE BUT COME BACK ANYWAYS (Forshadowing)

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOO

Edward: TAKE CARE OF JACOB WHILE IM GONE *Frolics away*

MEANWHILE, ANOTHER PLACE FAR AWAY

Jacob: HAI BELLA

Bella: ANGST ANGST HAI

*OMG SUICIDAL ATTEMPTS, MOAN MOAN MOAN CHAGRIN*

THOUSANDS OF HOURS LATER

Bella; IM LEAVNING YOU FOR EDWARD

Jacob: OK.

Alice: EDWARD IS IN ITALY TO SPARKLE IN THE SUN LETS SAVE HIM

Bella: OK

*dunanananananananananananananana SPARKLES*

Bella: NUUUU DONT GO OUT IN THE SUNNN

*Crap happens*

Evildudes: MWAHHAHAHA

Bella; SUPER SPECIAL SUE POWAHSSSS

Evildudes: NOOOOO WE CANT KILL YOU LIKE WE WERE GOING TO

*More crap happens*

Edward: GUESS WHAT IM STAYING EVEN THOUGH I LEFT MAKING THIS WHOLE TRIP POINTLESS

Bella: YAY ! *Cough* Chagrin */cough*

THE END.

 

Well, thats what I got out of it.

Card Games>Angsty Teen Vampires

Atem: MIND CRUSH!

[Yuzuki 30]

=O I thought I'd never find someone who hated it so much! You're awesome!! I love how you said that! I wish that never even existed. I mean, really, I'm tired of seeing ads all over Facebook realated to that. I gave it a chance too. LAME!!!!!!!!

("NO! BAD PHARAOH! NO MIND CRUSH!" Haha.)

[Koko 3,944]

' pid='160449' dateline='1277045485']

Meyerlogic=Failure.

 

Nyeh, I have to deal with my sister and cousin being fans ohwell...

I couldn't get though New Moon(I skipped 1/3 of the moaning that edward was gone), now I have to finish that and the rest of the books.

Well, vampire romance novels aren't really my thing anyways...

 

OHSPOILERS

 

NEW MOON:

 

Bella:OMG ANGST ANGST ITS BY BIRTHDAY BUT I DONT WANT AND GIFTS CAUSE I DUN WANNA BE OLDER OHLOLOLOL

Edward: LETS HAVE A PARTYYYY

Cullens: YAY

Bella: HELL NO

Meanwhile, at the party.

Bella: OMG ANGST ANGST PAPER CLIP

Somg fairy guy: RAWR IMA EAT YOU ASFJALKDGA

Bella: OH NOES!

Cullens: RAWR

Bella: Somehow, I got serverly injured because of mah BOYFRAND.

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY

Edward: IM TO DANGEROUS IMA LEAVE BUT COME BACK ANYWAYS (Forshadowing)

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOO

Edward: TAKE CARE OF JACOB WHILE IM GONE *Frolics away*

MEANWHILE, ANOTHER PLACE FAR AWAY

Jacob: HAI BELLA

Bella: ANGST ANGST HAI

*OMG SUICIDAL ATTEMPTS, MOAN MOAN MOAN CHAGRIN*

THOUSANDS OF HOURS LATER

Bella; IM LEAVNING YOU FOR EDWARD

Jacob: OK.

Alice: EDWARD IS IN ITALY TO SPARKLE IN THE SUN LETS SAVE HIM

Bella: OK

*dunanananananananananananananana SPARKLES*

Bella: NUUUU DONT GO OUT IN THE SUNNN

*Crap happens*

Evildudes: MWAHHAHAHA

Bella; SUPER SPECIAL SUE POWAHSSSS

Evildudes: NOOOOO WE CANT KILL YOU LIKE WE WERE GOING TO

*More crap happens*

Edward: GUESS WHAT IM STAYING EVEN THOUGH I LEFT MAKING THIS WHOLE TRIP POINTLESS

Bella: YAY ! *Cough* Chagrin */cough*

THE END.

 

Well, thats what I got out of it.

Card Games>Angsty Teen Vampires

Atem: MIND CRUSH!

 

YOU FORGOT

 

Edward: MARRY ME YOU UGLY ANGSTY TEEN

Bella: HELL YA

 

I told Atem no mind crush D:

 

lol what I find funny is that I'm a Twilight fan but I love hating on it 8DD

Cuz I know it's pretty bad but I'm a fan .__.

[SummerRain 185]

new moon was stupid (mom made me watch it.) cuz bella tries to kill herslf the whole time. edward was so gross cuz he had to wear all that gay lipstick.

[rho 9]

Also, Meyer has admitted that the series is pretty much just her wet dream.

[Xakarineth 0]

new moon was stupid (mom made me watch it.) cuz bella tries to kill herslf the whole time. edward was so gross cuz he had to wear all that gay lipstick.

 

Waitaminnit...your MOM made you watch it? Why the hell would ANY mother do that to her child? Does she not love you or something? But on the subject of Twilight moms, (and I mean no offense to your mother when I say this.) they're just sad, pathetic creatures that want to feel young again by lusting over some guy who's half their age. They think it makes them look "young" and "hip", but in reality, they're just a bunch of frigging cougars. And there is such a ridiculous double-standard for Twilight moms. Think about it: if there were a community of 45-year-old guys openly lusting after 17-year-old girls, someone would call the cops.

 

Do you want to have my babies, or can I have yours? Because I love you for writing that. ?

 

Well, I'm not sure my girlfriend would appreciate it very much if I were to go off fornicating with you, but I do appreciate your offer. And thank you for being one of the proud members of the ATS!(Anti-Twilight Squad) ATS MEMBERS UNITE!

[Space Cowboy 1,392]

Meyer was taking LSD when she came up with the idea for the series.

I seriously had a bonfire for burning every single book in the Twilight series. I can't stand vampires and the whores the fall in love with. Especially a four book series talking about it.

[Xakarineth 0]

Meyer was taking LSD when she came up with the idea for the series.

I seriously had a bonfire for burning every single book in the Twilight series. I can't stand vampires and the whores the fall in love with. Especially a four book series talking about it.

 

LSD? I was thinking more along the lines of a damn-near fatal and absolutely Satanic concoction of Nos energey drinks and methamphetamines. And I applaud your heroic burning of those dreaded books. And while I do not condemn EVERY vampire novel in existence, I can safely say that Twilight is an insult to decent vampire novels (as well as literature in general) all over the world.

[Protoman 1,974]

It probobly became so popular because Bella is such an easy character to fit into because shes so flat, and feels/acts the way that most tenagers would feel/act. Also Edward is described as a very handsome guy, and what teenager dosent want a goodly looking man to protect them? Although, they don't realize that what Edward does to Bella hurts her.

[Godot 513]

 

Do you want to have my babies, or can I have yours? Because I love you for writing that. ?

 

Well, I'm not sure my girlfriend would appreciate it very much if I were to go off fornicating with you, but I do appreciate your offer. And thank you for being one of the proud members of the ATS!(Anti-Twilight Squad) ATS MEMBERS UNITE!

 

XDDDD I understand.

And yayyy! ;D Anti-Twilight Squad awayyy~!

[Ventuswind 4]

Mah poor sister has pitcures of edward all over her room. she said she wants to have his babies.......................

[RoxAs Is Wise 7]

I don't hate it that much but yes, I really can't understand why people love them that much, when I was watching the first twilight I was thinking it's oh, regular, cool people, regular teen story, untill... the villain used television to deceive Bella. Now that's bad. I mean, I can't even remember her mom has anything to do for being an actress, that woman wasn't even her, (correct me if I'm wrong), even though the those facts are right there has to be voice disturbance right? Get real, you can't trick people by tv sound.

 

I don't watch other twilight since then (and I don't read novels)