MDSVeritas 299 Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) This is my submission to the writing contest you can find here: http://kh13.com/forum/topic/68716-1st-kh13-talent-contest-todays-category-writing/ So without further ado, Sakura “So then what?” He asked. “Well... I told him he could go screw himself.” She responded. They both laughed at that one. She smiled. He smirked. He always smirked, it fit him; it was playful and coy and she loved those traits about him. She leaned back against the tree she sat in front of, but he kept his posture; leaned forward and intrigued. “Well that couldn't have gone over well.” He stated expectantly. “Well... it went better than expected honestly. He didn't say a word, and just walked away.” She couldn't help but smile as she relayed the memory. “Wait, he didn't say anything at all?” His smirk became a wide-mouthed grin for a second. She glimpsed at how perfect his teeth were. There wasn't any reason to make them look bad in any case. “Not a peep! I know, right? It was great, his lackeys followed him out with their little droopy heads too. Beautiful really.” She picked up one of the pink blossoms that had fallen on the ground. The ground around the whole orchard was now pink. The cherry blossom trees were still slightly covered, though; it was still early fall. It was always early fall here. “Not too shabby.” His smirk returned as he rubbed his hands together in the slightly-chilly weather. He didn't seem too cold, though. His short brown hair danced a bit in the breeze. “I don't know why that jerk ever thought you'd go out with him, I mean, geez, after that whole stunt at the float parade it was obvious you weren't interested.” He picked up a blossom and blew it towards her. “After all, you've got me!” The blossom didn't reach her. They sat against two trees not seven feet apart, but it sank to the ground before it had gone two. He clearly meant it to be a light and funny comment, but it made her sad. She looked down at the pink ground, and tried to smile. “I don't think you really count, and I guess we talked about... I think...we should probably get serious for a second.” The wind was blowing, but her long auburn hair didn't move much at all. “No.” There was that smirk again. Playful, humorous, and defiant to the end. “Nope, not even a chance. I don't want you to remember me all serious. If we're doing this, we're doing it with a smile, 'kay?” Her throat felt tied up. How could he still be like that, even now? He always impressed her with how he could stay upbeat, and the moment she realized that he impressed her was the moment she felt even more mute. She raised the corners of her mouth into a struggled smile and looked up and nodded. “Good!” He made an “L” shape with the index finger and thumb of both his hands and put them together to make a rectangle, then he looked through it with one of his green eyes like he was looking through a camera. “Ah perfect. Just hold that... okay, good, good- Ah! Hold it! C'mon, I know you can hold a smile! Remember when you got accepted to NYU a few weeks back? You were smiling the whole time that day, I want that smile, c'mon; c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!” He moved his hands around like he might move a camera and made weird clicking noises which may or may not have been attempts at a camera shutter sound. A more natural smile grew on her face without her even noticing. His childlike impatience; his weird antics he must have picked up from the thousands of movies and books he'd had access too; his undying smirk- these got her everytime. He lowered his hands, and his smirk softened. “You look beautiful today.” She blushed. “Well you're as dapper as ever yourself.” He snatched another cherry blossom from the ground. “Oh, don't worry, I'm well aware of that fact.” He held the blossom as high as his could. If he had chosen to appear as an adult he may have had longer arms and been able to lift it higher, but instead he had chosen to be a teenager, and he only held the blossom a bit above his face. “You and me, we're like this cherry blossom. Sakura, the Japanese call it.” He was always showing off how worldly he was. “A small part of the world, sure, but every time I look at it I think it may be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It's too bad they have to fall at some point, but at least they're as beautiful as they are while they're here.” He lowered the cherry blossom and looked up at her with his soft, smirk-ish smile. “I'll miss this. The stories, the sakura... I'll miss you.” The knot in her throat returned and she could do nothing but nod sadly. Two hundred and forty-four days since they'd met, and every day or so they'd meet here. This was the two hundred and forty fifth, and it was the last. She'd been hesitant the first few times her father had allowed her to come here, given the nature of what he was, but it hadn't taken long until she was waiting until after school every day to come here and see him and tell him about her day and laugh and joke around. “Listen... I-” He cut her off before she could say anything else. He had never been very good about not interrupting. “Thank you.” He sighed a bit. “Thanks for everything. Thanks for choosing to be friends with a pompous brat who's way too smart for his own good.” “No!” She protested as she got to her feet, her eyes turning red. “No, thank- thank you for being a pompous brat who's way too smart for his own good. I don't... I don't think this would have been nearly as fun if you hadn't been." He shrugged. “You're probably right.” He pushed himself off the ground and began to stand up as well. “Well, next time you see that jerk, promise to give him a 'screw you!' from me, got it?” She smiled back at him. “I will.” He raised his right hand to his brow, with his index and middle finger extended, and gave her a casual salute. “Okey doke then. See ya around!” He wouldn't. “See ya.” Her words came out weak. She tried to hold on the image of his smile as the orchard evaporated around her. She took off the virtual reality helmet and stood up from the chair in the middle of the server room. She looked to the man in the lab coat a few feet from her- the head scientist of the project, her father- and nodded to him. With that the technicians moved towards the main server. The TV was on, showing all the people with signs who were standing outside the very building she was in. “Computers can't be people!” one sign said. “Don't play god!” read another. It didn't matter that they had used actual brain tissue in the process of creating him, it didn't matter that they had sealed him away from any connections while they tested his abilities, it didn't matter that he was a bit childish, and he smirked instead of just smiling, and that he made her day better every time she went to see him. None of it mattered. The law still passed, and they were ordered to shut him down. Her father put his arms around her as she watched them enter in the password and went through the shutdown process. Finally came the last prompt. “Do you wish to shut down system R-34?” They clicked yes. And the last sakura fell. Edited January 27, 2014 by MDSVeritas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CloakedSchemerX 1,011 Posted January 17, 2014 Kya I'm nearly speechless. A lot of the dialogue seemed casual and realistic, which made the characters all the more relatable, but by the end you realize it was a lie. Such an ending gave me plenty of different interpretations and a bit of symbolism, in which is great to have in any form of writing. Truly commendable. Great job as always, MDS! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDSVeritas 299 Posted January 17, 2014 Kya I'm nearly speechless. A lot of the dialogue seemed casual and realistic, which made the characters all the more relatable, but by the end you realize it was a lie. Such an ending gave me plenty of different interpretations and a bit of symbolism, in which is great to have in any form of writing. Truly commendable. Great job as always, MDS! Well thanks, Schemer, your compliments mean a lot, especially knowing how good of a writer you are yourself. I'm glad you liked it, good luck in the writing competition by the way! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CloakedSchemerX 1,011 Posted January 17, 2014 Well thanks, Schemer, your compliments mean a lot, especially knowing how good of a writer you are yourself. I'm glad you liked it, good luck in the writing competition by the way! It seems as though are responses to each others' stories are relatively similar :PGood luck as well! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arya Stark 1,337 Posted January 17, 2014 I have to agree with Schemer in most every way. The dialogue was so seamless, that you believe everything about it. The ever so slight foreshadowing sentences added beautifully to the whole mystery. And of course, the ending, and symbolism behind all of it was perfect. Excellent story for a legitimate short story collection, and incredible for a internet writing contest. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pretium 234 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) Ok. I Seriously Teared Up At The End. Great Story, MDS!! :') Edited January 18, 2014 by Pretium Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
