I need some more advice.

[PrincessKari 35]

Okay this topic is in relation to something posted awhile ago. http://kh13.com/forum/topic/63741-i-need-some-advice/?do=findComment&comment=1260261 Read that and then read this so you`ll understand it better.

 

So as some of you know, I have this friend who I really like. Yeah we're just friends. I threw this party on the 14th just after school broke up and well....on the day of the party he told me couldn't come. Even though he told me ages ago he was. So basically I got really upset but what upset me more was the reason why. Apparently his brother was badly injured and his life had turned to shit. So I got really upset. 

 

This guy has been through a lot for 13 year old. Deppression, almost suicide, family issues  and maybe even more. That is the tip of the iceberg. He's actually an ivf child and his brother and sister are in their 20's and 30's. His brother apparently wanted nothing to do with him and that was before this happened. He told me this in October. Like I said he's been through an awful lot. 

 

So after he couldn't come to the party...on Sunday he told me he was okay and that was that. He has spoken since. Just after I came out of my depression he stopped talking to me as much and we weren't talking as much. Like, we would talk once in a few weeks but I really missed him. So i kind of feel like I've been taken for granted like none of what happened between us even mattered. Like nothing of what he said matters anymore. 

 

I know it's the holiday season and christmas is just around the corner and everyone's busy but god, it would be nice to hang out sometime. On skype even. 

 

Ya know, I've been taken for granted before. There was this guy who I really liked and who liked me and we hanged out every fortnight at youth group. He never called, emailed or anything. Suddenly, he left my life. Just dissapperaed. He didn't die. I saw him on the odd occassion but it was as though he had taken all he wanted from me and left. I become very vulnverable when I start caring about guys in that way. I always think the best of people. I always think I can trust those guys. But now I'm starting to think that I can't. 

 

Back to present, I still like this guy but...I haven't seen him since october and that was awhile ago. My mother is a bit iffy i guess about me seeing him. I wanted to give him something very important. A letter but not a love letter. It was a letter of all the things he needed to hear. 

 

This year, I learnt that I'm the kind of girl who has a line of guys willing to go out with her. I have morals, values and self respect. I don't dress like most of the other girls and guys are starting to notice this. For the rest of my life I will be someone who guys find very attractive but I am scared that I'll only be just some thing that guys use and don't actually care about. If that makes any sense. 

 

 

So I guess I just want to know this. What should I do? Should I just wait for him to reply in his good time? Stop caring about him and move on? Try and see him after Christmas? I'm very distressed and I'm very lonely. I would like someone to help me. Even if all they do is tell me that it's okay to cry about something like this. I feel sorry for him and all he's been through but I'm not sure what to do next. So could someone please help in anyway possible.

 

People seem to post here because they feel safe. I feel the same way. I feel comfortable sharing personal stories to get help. It's better than talking to some stranger on the phone.

 

Thank you very much for reading this. It lets me know that someone cares. I would talk to my girl firends but they seem very annoyed about how I talk about him so much. Even though I try not to.

 

Thank you very much.

 

- Princess Kairi.

 

:sad:

 

 

[Robin 206]

hmmmm... Because he's been through so much it's hard to tell you what to do... I know a couple of guys like that and they can get depressed very fast and very easily. Honestly don't jump to conclusions, he might not have just shut you off, he may have just shut everyone off. On the other hand maybe he's shut you off because you're close and he doesn't want to open up at the moment. The best thing to do would be to go and ask him if anything's wrong, if he sais why then just tell him that you haven't talked in a while and that you feel like he's shut you off. He might not have noticed because his brain's been somewhere else, if he sais sorry i didn't realize then problem solved you can talk to him as much as you want you're just overreacting if it looks like there's something wrong then try and get him to open up, be there for him. If he doesn't want to open up then just keep being support for him you might not be together ever but at least you'll still be friends and he's gonna need that support. If he gives you a stupid comment to try and get away from you then he's being a tool and he doesn't deserve you or your support. You should give him a chance

in summation:

-ask him if there's something wrong

-if he asks why say you haven't been talking lately

-if he answers with anything bar being a tool then support him and hope for the best

-if he's being a tool he doesn't deserve you

- don't be too needy just ask him next time you see him, guys get freaked out if you're needy but once you're in a relationship they're more needy then you are don't be anxious about it, whatever happens that's just life, there's nothing you can do to change it okay?

 

 

sorry if my answer was a bit long but i was trying to make sure i didn't leave you in a position where you didn't know what to do. If you have any question's then you can ask me any time just pm me

Edited December 20, 2013 by Think Pink

[AntonioKHT 449]

From what I've read, it seems he really needs some support. Guys also have self steem issues, and we do get nervous on some silly stuff sometimes  Is there somewhere you can chat with him? Even online? Because I think it's a good idea to try to talk to him more, and get close to him again. You could even try to hang out with him, try to go the movies or something. But don't insist too much. If he doesn't reply, it's usually not a good sign.

 

What I mentioned about support... he could be feeling lonely, but not feeling comfortable to talk about it. Maybe he doesn't know if he could annoy you with what's happening with him, or not sure if people care for him. You can show you're there for him, but don't push him to talk. If he feels he's ready, he'll ask you if you can talk about it. If everything works out, it'll eventually happen.

And just keep in mind, it's really hard to tell what's really going on, because a lot could be happening with him. So, in short, just try to talk to him, and show him support. He could be like the other guy you cared (a jerk, that just pretended to care for you), but he can also be going through a lot, and just wanted to be alone for some time. Of course you have to forget him if the first option turns out to be true, and be happy you found out who he really was. I honestly think it's the second option though, so hope for the best!

 

Hope I helped you, and we're here rooting for you, wishing everything goes well!

[Cricket 1,180]

Being 22 years old and going through this situation a couple times, I say just give the guy some space. Yeah, it may seem like he needs support, but right now, he just wants to be left alone. Let him get his life and things in order first; he obviously is going through a horrible time in his life and he doesn't know how to approach you because he probably doesn't want to make you depressed again from all the negative things that has been happening in his life lately. He is probably just looking out for you and I'm sure he still cares, but right now, he just needs some space and he is 13 years old and a lot of things could probably be going through his mind and it's hard for him to be together with you right now since you two are still so young and you can't properly have a relationship at this point in time. So, be considerate of the time you have away and just realize that the guy needs some space and maybe you'll see him in the future at some point. Focus on things that are productive and yes, keep your guard up with other guys, because they could just be trying to get into your pants at your age, but that doesn't make every one of them bad. Just don't throw yourself out there for other guys and also, a little advice, don't fall in love so easily at your age because you have time remaining to meet that special someone. Don't be blinded by false love because a guy looks "cute" or that they are "lining up for you." Take things slow and don't rush into anything dramatic, because you'll know what true love is when you get older and become more mature. Right now as a young teen, your emotions are going everywhere so just be patient and wait it out and be smart. Good luck!

[Javelin434 3,164]

Post reserved. I need some time to think over my response and opinion on this matter.

[Javelin434 3,164]

So as some of you know, I have this friend who I really like. Yeah we're just friends. I threw this party on the 14th just after school broke up and well....on the day of the party he told me couldn't come. Even though he told me ages ago he was. So basically I got really upset but what upset me more was the reason why. Apparently his brother was badly injured and his life had turned to shit. So I got really upset. 

 

This guy has been through a lot for 13 year old. Deppression, almost suicide, family issues  and maybe even more. That is the tip of the iceberg. He's actually an ivf child and his brother and sister are in their 20's and 30's. His brother apparently wanted nothing to do with him and that was before this happened. He told me this in October. Like I said he's been through an awful lot. 

 

So after he couldn't come to the party...on Sunday he told me he was okay and that was that. He has spoken since. Just after I came out of my depression he stopped talking to me as much and we weren't talking as much. Like, we would talk once in a few weeks but I really missed him. So i kind of feel like I've been taken for granted like none of what happened between us even mattered. Like nothing of what he said matters anymore. 

I'm going to be cautious here, since I have no idea if my advice on that previous thread was helpful or harmful. I'm going to assume worst case scenario and think that I wasn't helpful.

 

I don't know if you've been there for this person, but if you have remind him about that. Gently hint that you're interested and care about him in a deeper sense and see what happens. If he expresses interest in you, then that'll be good news and I'm sure you would know what to do. If you don't hear back from him after all this, then it just might confirm your suspicions. 

 

 

Back to present, I still like this guy but...I haven't seen him since october and that was awhile ago. My mother is a bit iffy i guess about me seeing him. I wanted to give him something very important. A letter but not a love letter. It was a letter of all the things he needed to hear. 

By all means, send it to him whenever it is appropriate. Trust me when I say it's better to do this and have something bad happen than to not do it and live the rest of your life thinking "what if." 

 

 

This year, I learnt that I'm the kind of girl who has a line of guys willing to go out with her. I have morals, values and self respect. I don't dress like most of the other girls and guys are starting to notice this. For the rest of my life I will be someone who guys find very attractive but I am scared that I'll only be just some thing that guys use and don't actually care about. If that makes any sense. 

It's good to see that you have these valuable traits. Your fears aren't unfounded however; for reasons I have yet to understand, douchebag a55holes have a knack of seeking out vulnerable girls and emotionally wreck them when they break up and feel absolutely no remorse. I sincerely hope you can identify these people who are just plain bad juju vs. really nice guys who wouldn't hurt you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated...

 

 

So I guess I just want to know this. What should I do? Should I just wait for him to reply in his good time? Stop caring about him and move on? Try and see him after Christmas? I'm very distressed and I'm very lonely. I would like someone to help me. Even if all they do is tell me that it's okay to cry about something like this. I feel sorry for him and all he's been through but I'm not sure what to do next. So could someone please help in anyway possible.

Tell him that you like in a manner that's most comfortable to you, and see how he responds. It may take some time, but if it takes too long, consider asking about it in person and see what he says. You would be able to determine the news from there. It's really heartwarming to see someone care so much about someone else who might not even reciprocate these feeling back. I too would say that it's ok to cry over something like this.

 

Please, don't you ever change no matter what life throws at you.

If you need people to talk or skype on, I'm here as well as a lot of others here on the forums are willing to help. There's only so much I can type rather than say, so I guess I have no choice but to leave it at that.

 

I sincerely hope this helps, but if it doesn't then I'm sorry.

 

[On basis of my self-appointed title ]

Your protector,

Javelin434