Text My Wish, My Final Wish.

[Marth 338]

I'm Melia Mehomora, a teenager who went to Seven Elementals High, a school where we practice the elements of fire, ice, wind, earth, light, darkness, and life-type magic. We all had to learn the elements of fire, ice, wind, and earth-type of magic, however only basic knowledge. I'm telling this because I made a mistake with life-type magic that I don't want anyone else to make. Now, let me tell you what happened on April 23, 2537.  The day would begin as usual, I would put on my clothes which consisted of a short sleeved shirt which was the color of Amethyst also short to begin with, my pants were like jeans but they were a scarlet color, thinking these clothes complemented each other, very nicely. The rest of my apparal were: my shoes were a black color and they had a small shine to them when looked at a certain angle, I had white gloves on me, I wore earrings whom had a brown gradiant to them, and I had a hat that was a very bright green color which was one of my favorite colors. Now the reason I explain my clothes will be very soon  When I reached the school at 8:50 A.M. I saw many of my friends together working on magic that helps with any ailment on each of them. The specific spells were Deperaco, an ailment where one would lose all feeling in their body, Desperaca, a remedy for Desperaco, Mequeto, an ailment where one would feel like they would die at any moment, and Mequeta, would remedy Mequeto. "Hey! Would you wanna help us with our magic training? We forgot to do our homework for Mr. Namizaoi." Mr. Namizaoi is our main life-type teacher who is very, very strict with his students even his best ones. "Ugh, fine. Can you at least finish your homework for once?" I would scold them. The homework was to combine the chants for Desperaca and Mequeta, so they would cure those two ailments at once. "O Lord Seravero, please grant me the strength to free my ally of deaths clutches and recover our comrades sense of feeling with this prayer, Desqueta!" I proclaimed, healing one of my friends intentionally afflicted of Mequeto and Deperaco. Mr. Namizaoi happened to be overhearing our late training, and commended me of healing my friend with the affliction with ease, and decides to bump me up to a higher rank of life-type.  "So what type of life-type magic are you going to teach me today, Sir?" I questioned him, while heading toward our school's library. The library, to quickly explain, is like this: there are categories for each magic type, and my school has magic that goes up to type Omega, and begins with type Alpha. Mr. Namizaoi decides to show me Omega life magic. "Now Ms. Mehormora, I'm gonna teach a spell that you MUST only use when near death, or else the reprecussions are great. It's called, Vernietig, this spell is used to destroy anything in your path. If you get this incantation wrong, or use it at a terrible time, you will cause all in the world to perish." "What...are you sure that it's a good idea to teach me it?" "It is, trust me, I know you're responsible enough to not cause that reprecussion. You know the clothes you're wearing? These amplify the strength of each spell, and with you're clothes at this very moment, you are able to defend the reprecussions...I'm not sure, we don't want to know what the reprecussions, considering this is the only life spell that can kill people, we do not want to take our chances." And being the idiotic female that I am, I decide to say the spell's incantation without looking at the book of Omega life magic which contained Vernietig.  "Oh spiteful lord, please 'destroy' (correct word is annhihilate) my foe, and leave no ounce of remains of them. Vernietig!" I cite from memory. There was almost like a pulse around me, I guess you could say, and I look at Mr. Naozami, and see him dead. "W-W-What the?" I stammered after looking at his lifeless body. I decide to run out of the library and see all students dead. I cover my mouth while looking at the dead classmates and say to myself, "What have you done Melia, what have you done...?" but the thought of everyone outside, I wondered how they are doing. When I go out, every single person is dead, no one was alive, not a single soul. "No. No no no no no no no, I can feel the weight of my actions tremendously. I can feel the pain of everyone now. I feel complete regret for my actions," I choke through all my tears which would equal that of a waterfall. "Please, if anyone survived, respond...please?" I choke one last time before I go unconscious.  I implore any of you reading, can you try your best to preserve the remaining life of the world. Please, someone, anyone, please help me, or anyone that remains in the world.

 

 

 

 

I began writing this on Friday November 8 of 2013. I began the base of this story in February 18th of 2013 because I felt complete and utter despair from the feeling of being ignored and felt hated by many even though insults weren't tossed until late April, and decided to create an official one-shot when I looked at my base of writing which I doubt will be uploaded until I feel the inspiration to do them.

Feel free to critique me on my writing, my base, anything about this story except how it came to be.

[Saber Lily 1,543]

I'll add some critique to a few lines of dialogue.

 

"No. No no no no no no no, I can feel the weight of my actions tremendously. I can feel the pain of everyone now. I feel complete regret for my actions,"

 

Now, no one would ever, even when so far from their right mind their sipping coffee in Insanityville, San Andreas, would EVER say anything like that. You don't want that as dialogue, nor even as their thoughts. Those are their feelings.

 

"No. No. No no no nononono." She cried. Melia felt the weight of her actions tremendously, her entire body filled with regret for her terrible, atrocious mistake.

 

 

That's how you would want that. Her saying that kind of makes her seem...it's just bad writing to be blunt.

[Marth 338]

  On 11/11/2013 at 6:43 AM, Oathkeeper136 said:

I'll add some critique to a few lines of dialogue.

 

"No. No no no no no no no, I can feel the weight of my actions tremendously. I can feel the pain of everyone now. I feel complete regret for my actions,"

 

Now, no one would ever, even when so far from their right mind their sipping coffee in Insanityville, San Andreas, would EVER say anything like that. You don't want that as dialogue, nor even as their thoughts. Those are their feelings.

 

"No. No. No no no nononono." She cried. Melia felt the weight of her actions tremendously, her entire body filled with regret for her terrible, atrocious mistake.

 

 

That's how you would want that. Her saying that kind of makes her seem...it's just bad writing to be blunt.

Ah. Thank you. I'll try better if I ever try writing again next time with that in mind.

[Saber Lily 1,543]

  On 11/12/2013 at 12:28 AM, AT-LOW Kihara said:

Ah. Thank you. I'll try better if I ever try writing again next time with that in mind.

Even in fiction one has to write real. No real person would say that - just remember. If you wouldn't say it, should your characters?

 

Now, that rule has a few exceptions, mainly if the character if female or your character is about to partake in an activity you don't/won't partake in, like smoking or bondage.

[Marth 338]

  On 11/12/2013 at 12:55 AM, Oathkeeper136 said:

Even in fiction one has to write real. No real person would say that - just remember. If you wouldn't say it, should your characters?

 

Now, that rule has a few exceptions, mainly if the character if female or your character is about to partake in an activity you don't/won't partake in, like smoking or bondage.

No real person would say...if I wouldn't say it, my characters shouldn't...

Gotcha. This is gonna help me quite a bit if I ever have to write anything else similar to this.

[Shulk 8,623]

It was great, but the description of your character's clothing was worded a little awkwardly. Describing appearance is something I have a little difficulty with too, honestly.

 

" which consisted of a short sleeved shirt which was the color of Amethyst also short to begin with"- This part felt a little redundant to me, for example. Just a suggestion.