Text Daily Life: Why?

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

So... yeah... ok, bear with me: this is a story i'm writing. Please give me your feed back.

Chapter 1: Another Day, Another Heartless

Roxas jerked awake, as usual, dark rements of his nightmare still hanging around, as he stared up at the drab white ceilinge of his room, thinking.

The soft sounds of other members going about their daily morning activities echoed dimly, as Roxas got out of his bed, headed towards the sparse bathroom, while scratching his blonde spikes.

After a quick shower, he changed into a fresh coat, tugging on the black gloves all Organization 13 members wore. As he did, he glanced down at his right hand: the scratch had scabbed, but the sudden movement made a few drops of blood run free.

Macabre fascinated, Roxas watched the red run down his pale hand, wondering how a creature with no heart could...

Pushing the thoughts that surfaced into his mind away, he finished dressing, and left his room.

 

So... yeah: that's all. Tell if it, you know, sucks: I'm hoping this will be a novel of daily Organization 13 life, ignoring CoM and 358/2 Days. I hope to be a writer, so I'd be glad for any critism.

 

 

[echo 69]

It sounds great so far i'd love for you to continue so i can read more^^

[TraverseLight 133]

I wanna know what happens next- keep writing!

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/27/2013 at 6:44 AM, TraverseLight said:

I wanna know what happens next- keep writing!

I'll try: believe it or not, this was a dream I had.  Have to see what happens tonight. Glad you liked it.

[Col.Random 3,683]

Well if you're planning on being a writer i think you can do a pretty good job. Your writing style is quite interesting

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/27/2013 at 8:01 AM, Col.Random said:

Well if you're planning on being a writer i think you can do a pretty good job. Your writing style is quite interesting

Thanks.

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/27/2013 at 6:09 AM, TheTimidLight said:

So... yeah... ok, bear with me: this is a story i'm writing. Please give me your feed back.

Chapter 1: Another Day, Another Heartless

Roxas jerked awake, as usual, dark rements of his nightmare still hanging around, as he stared up at the drab white ceilinge of his room, thinking.

The soft sounds of other members going about their daily morning activities echoed dimly, as Roxas got out of his bed, headed towards the sparse bathroom, while scratching his blonde spikes.

After a quick shower, he changed into a fresh coat, tugging on the black gloves all Organization 13 members wore. As he did, he glanced down at his right hand: the scratch had scabbed, but the sudden movement made a few drops of blood run free.

Macabre fascinated, Roxas watched the red run down his pale hand, wondering how a creature with no heart could...

Pushing the thoughts that surfaced into his mind away, he finished dressing, and left his room.

 

So... yeah: that's all. Tell if it, you know, sucks: I'm hoping this will be a novel of daily Organization 13 life, ignoring CoM and 358/2 Days. I hope to be a writer, so I'd be glad for any critism.

CONTINUATION

As per usual in the Castle on those dreary mornings, noone looked particularly happy when when Roxas entered the cavernuse mess hall, off to the left of the Crooked Assenssion.

Larxene was flipping through a fashion magazine, scribbling on the faces of the models she thought were prettier than her with a sillver pen.

Marluxia still had a roller stuck in the very bottom of his hair, but since noone else said anything about it, Roxas figured this was " Ignore The Weird Things In Mar Mar's Hair " time, and sat down besides Demyx, forbidden to have his Sitar at the table, after an incident involving Vexen's thesis on Heartless, and an upset milk jug.

Rule of thumb around the Castle seemed to be that Demyx was to be avoided: Roxas never did dislike anyone.

Larxene finished scrawling out Justin Bieber's face, rose from the table, and vanished down a Corrider of Darkness.

Marluxia watched her go, something of a smirk on his face, as he stalked out of the room.

Soon, as each member stalked off with sour faces to their variuse missions, only Roxas and Demyx were left.

Wiping paoupo jam off his lip with the back of his glove, Demyx grinned at Roxas, a piece of toast stuck in his teeth.

" You and me today, buddy: Wonderland, Heart collection. Get your gear all set, and we'll boogie. "

END OF CHAPTER 1

Hope it's good.

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Hmm, very interesting.  I hope to read more of this soon, and a word of advice, you should make your chapters a bit longer, just saying.  But other than that, I love your story. ^_^

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/29/2013 at 3:49 PM, Sesshomaru said:

Hmm, very interesting.  I hope to read more of this soon, and a word of advice, you should make your chapters a bit longer, just saying.  But other than that, I love your story. ^_^

Thanks. Sorry, short chapters are a habit of mine: Like James Patterson's novels, shorter chapters keep the tension higher, as the story progresses. 

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

  On 8/29/2013 at 4:39 PM, TheTimidLight said:

Thanks. Sorry, short chapters are a habit of mine: Like James Patterson's novels, shorter chapters keep the tension higher, as the story progresses. 

Okay, fair enough.  Keep on with your awesome story then.

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/29/2013 at 4:48 PM, Sesshomaru said:

Okay, fair enough.  Keep on with your awesome story then.

Will do. 

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 8/27/2013 at 3:46 PM, TheTimidLight said:

CONTINUATION

As per usual in the Castle on those dreary mornings, noone looked particularly happy when when Roxas entered the cavernuse mess hall, off to the left of the Crooked Assenssion.

Larxene was flipping through a fashion magazine, scribbling on the faces of the models she thought were prettier than her with a sillver pen.

Marluxia still had a roller stuck in the very bottom of his hair, but since noone else said anything about it, Roxas figured this was " Ignore The Weird Things In Mar Mar's Hair " time, and sat down besides Demyx, forbidden to have his Sitar at the table, after an incident involving Vexen's thesis on Heartless, and an upset milk jug.

Rule of thumb around the Castle seemed to be that Demyx was to be avoided: Roxas never did dislike anyone.

Larxene finished scrawling out Justin Bieber's face, rose from the table, and vanished down a Corrider of Darkness.

Marluxia watched her go, something of a smirk on his face, as he stalked out of the room.

Soon, as each member stalked off with sour faces to their variuse missions, only Roxas and Demyx were left.

Wiping paoupo jam off his lip with the back of his glove, Demyx grinned at Roxas, a piece of toast stuck in his teeth.

" You and me today, buddy: Wonderland, Heart collection. Get your gear all set, and we'll boogie. "

END OF CHAPTER 1

Hope it's good.

CHAPTER 2: Wonderland

As usual, Demyx was utterly clueless on even basic mission activity.

" So, Roxy.... what the Hellsinkie do we do, exactly?"

Roxas stared at Demyx, as he stared blankly around the Lotus Forest, wide-eyed in almost child-like wonder.

" We..." Roxas cleared his throat, his voice rusty from disuse.

" We hunt Heartless, and gather hearts. Didn't you know that?"

Demyx flicked a rocking-horsefly off his shoulder.

" Huh, what?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, scratching his spikey hair.

 

 

 

MORE LATER GUYS! STILL WRITING IT!

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

UPDATE: Slow on writing next chapter, but getting it done, then posting. Writing this on paper, then re-posting my writing, so it takes a while. Chap 3 coming soon, promise.

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Keep on going, it's interesting, and I'm looking forward to more! Keep on writing bud! ^_^

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

  On 9/11/2013 at 5:16 PM, Golden Fighter said:

Keep on going, it's interesting, and I'm looking forward to more! Keep on writing bud! ^_^

Will do.