Text A new form of life

[Sora shadow 0]

Here a new story hope you like it.

 

A new form of life:

 

Introduction:

This is the story begin because the scientific Charles try to make the cure for all of the diseases. This cure it supposes to make the human body immune to all type of toxin or virus that exist or can be created. Also it can give the person over natural powers without the exact concentration of it. In his experiment with animals it was a success but when he tried on humans it was a failure. He was trying to know what go wrong. One day he was so stressed so he change a little the formula and by mistake he do it without the correct process and the experiment went wrong and an explosion occurred bringing life a baby. He examined the baby and see he was all right. But the he was injured so he use his old formula of cure but that not help him in the moment so because he don

[Emo/Yami 37]

Its rushed, not specifically detailed, and it sounds like your summarizing an episode of an anime.

[Sora shadow 0]

sorry dont know how to make an extence introduccion and i dont see anime so i dont know it look like one.

[Emo/Yami 37]

The intro doesn't need to be long. It just needs to give the reader some background knowledge and make them want to read more of the story. You got the basic idea but you just need to add detail and maybe explain what the cure is and things like that.

[Sora shadow 0]

i change the intro a little bit so please read it and coment.

[Emo/Yami 37]

Its definitely better . Its easier to understand. The story is different from most I've seen here so I can't wait until you write more.

[Sora shadow 0]

Thanks write it right now

 

Chapter 1 after adoption

Their past 25 years after Erik was born. Now he is working in a pharmacy in Chicago. He never has to go to a doctor. He always was a healthy person with a great knowledge, he can learn fast and do all type f work. When he have free time he go to a silent place and draw or write how he feel. One day he express that he feel different form the other person like he was created by accident. He just ignores that feeling and keeps with his life. The next day he was on the work and a man appears getting out his weapon and saying to the he want all the money. Erik was calm down and when their where giving the money he jump over the delinquent disarmed and let him unconscious. Then he calls the police. The police finally reach the pharmacy and go. The next week when he goes to work they give him a medal for his valiantly act. When the pharmacy closes him and his work companions go to celebrate his valiantly act. This celebration finish like 11:15 P.M. the next morning he receive a call of his young brother that have 20 years and say that mom and dad are dead. In the work give him a free week for go to the funeral. His parents die because in an accident involving a car crashes their car. Now that the funeral is finish he go to Chicago but because it too far from where he is he pass the night on a motel.

 

Sorry if it not have action. It will begin like in chapter 2 or 3.

[Emo/Yami 37]

That's pretty good. I like how your trying to tell what happened over the 25 years and you are pretty good at keeping the story realistic. You should try some more description and have more dialog in your story. It adds some depth in the writing.

[Sora shadow 0]

Thanks i will do it for the next chapter. i hope there is more persons post in here.

[Giginha 22]

Your story is great, and you've improved quite much from your old story.

[Naminé15 0]

If I liked your other story, I'm sure I'll like this one even more. It looks great. Don't stop wrting it:)

[Sora shadow 0]

Chapter 2 it was a dream or not?

It was like 11: 50 on clock when go to sleep. But I begin to dream with a secret laboratory. I see a scientific working on a formula but it look like something go wrong because an explosion occurred let the scientific injured and with scars but at the same time I see a baby. It looks like it was created during the explosion because no one was in there except the scientific and me. But at the same time I not was in there because it is a dream. Then the man take a potion named cure and drink it all. I was wondering what that potion was. Well whatever it look like it

[Giginha 22]

Good chapter, I'm waiting to see the next one.

[Sora shadow 0]

Chapter 3 fugitive

Then I take a bath and went for breakfast. In these moments while I

[Naminé15 0]

Interesting... * You're writing in first person now* I'm curious about Adelma and her relation to Erik. * I think ou could try to Expand your dialogues, so they'd be more realistic*