Post your own Painful Past...

[OthersiderME 614]

My heart goes out to you guys.  Your stories of hardship and how you overcame them have inspired me to keep my head up high and be thankful that my past, although not great, was not that bad either.  Thanks for that.

same for me.  hell, i can't even remember most of it, and it's my story...  all i've really got is the general lack of familial understanding, since none of my immediate family really knows how i think.  it's gotten a lot better since last year when my dad couldn't handle my apathy and inattentiveness about school and homework and kicked me out of the house, so i lived with my aunt and went through a bunch of family therapy sessions and was diagnosed with inattentive type ADD.  although my parents still don't really understand how i think and everything, they're at least trying now, which is more than they could say last year.

[Jim 2,990]

Welp, I think it's time I post mine. It's not as bad as some of the ones here, but it's worth posting, I think. 

 

So, I was home schooled my entire life until Freshman year of high school. Now, I liked being home schooled, but it had it's...downsides. I was an awkward kid. I guess it was just part of who I was/am/will be, but it didn't help that I spent so much time away from kids my age. My parents had me in boy scouts, but I didn't fit in with anybody there. I was always the odd kid out who nobody really cared about or talked to. I should also mention that I was raised Christian, and pretty conservative (I'm still Christian, but as it stands today, I'm smack dab in the middle in terms of the political/social spectrum). My parents didn't have me living completely under a rock, but I was fairly sheltered. So then my parents switch me almost directly from homeschool to public school at the beginning of 9th grade, telling me that people will like me, that I'm a likable kid and that I'll make friends quickly. Yeah, that didn't happen. After all, I was a little awkward guy with glasses, weirdly long hair that never looked right, a stupidly obsessive nature (at that point, the object of my obsession was KH) and no social skills. 

 

My freshman year, I was in a situation where most people knew each other, but I didn't know anybody except some kids from my boy scout troop, who I wasn't really close with. And then the point came when guys started bullying me for being Christian (which they pretty much figured out because I frequently wore Christian T-Shirts). As the year went on, more and more people were picking on me, and a whole group of girls were pretending to have a crush on me just to make me look like an idiot. I fell for that, because I didn't know any better at that point. Then the kids who were bullying me found out where I lived, and one day they left a stupid note at my door and prank called me. I was furious, but I remember how my mom was crying her eyes out, wondering why nobody liked her son.

 

So the year went on, and the guys got bored with their antics. I joined the power lifting team at the school, but again, the rest of the team pretty much ignored me. It was basically the whole team helping and supporting each other, and then me, who they pretty much ignored. Heck, the only reason I was on the team was because my parents basically weren't happy with me just getting 90%s consistently in class and they wanted me to do something else with my time besides homework and the 1 hour of video games I was allowed on weekends. My parents were always kinda ridiculous about my grades and what I did with my spare time, but I understand that it was out of love for me and how they wanted me to graduate college, unlike them. It's like they wanted me to be the successful person that my dad never was.

 

Things ended up getting better about halfway through junior year (that's right, junior year). I made friends, I gained social skills, I developed a sense of humor, all without abandoning the person I was at the core. And two and a half years later, here I am. These friends of mine are still some of my closest friends (along with the great friends I have at college now), and life is good for me.

 

So yeah, that's some of my experience.

[Hazimie 1,595]

Never thought that some of the members willingly to post their own painful past.I thank you for your time to post your painful past and how you resolved...

[Skai 3,961]

Well, here’s my story.  Mine isn’t so tragic as everyone else’s, but it's time I should share.

 

 

 

At a very young age, I already knew who I was.  I was selfish.  I made ‘friends’ with a lot of people, but I never felt like they were really my friends.  I fooled myself into believing I was content with having people to talk to in class and at school, but never really keep up outside of it.  As a result, every year my set of friends would vary and every time I switched schools I would have new friends.  But truth be told, I felt different from everyone else.  While everyone had their close friends, childhood friends that they could relate to, I had none.  I was always cut off and at the root of it I knew I was a huge loner.  I might have had many ‘friends’, but never any real friends, which was something I learned to cope with pretty easily.

Cause of this, I always felt the need to prove myself.  Everyone had their own people that acknowledged them and although the teachers would often praise my gifted

knowledge, I wasn’t content.  I wanted real peers.  Eventually I just cut myself off completely from any feelings I had for friendship or bonding and I became a shell of what I used to be.  I started acting, pretending to be this perfect version of myself.  I was getting good at lying to everyone, acting like I cared and for once they thought of me as a friend they could trust.  But that was just a defense mechanism for me, because at the root of it all, this fake personality was someone who they couldtrust, not me.

 

Through my high school years, I became very good at changing my personality to fit the crowd.  I was a big pushover and I didn’t even know it at the time.  I always wanted people to like me and because of that, I was always a different person around different people.  It was stupid of me to do so because eventually, through those years, I lost who I really was. 

Because of the multiple masks I’ve created to protect myself, I was very easy to get along with.  People started to confide in me, their deep and dark secrets.  I started to learn more and more about the dark side of the world and what the glass half empty really meant.  They told me their stories of insecurities, all sorts of abuse, rape, death and all these problems that a high schooler shouldn’t have been worried about.  It was overfilling my brain and I really couldn’t cope with it.  For most of my high school years, I was that guy that had to bear most of people’s sadness and grief and if I told them my lowly problems, it would just make it worse.  So I kept the small problems to myself, but their problems were also starting to affect me.

And it started to affect my inner psyche.  I started to become two distinct personalities; one very happy and reassuring person and another very cynical emo.  And I knew the cynical side was the true me leading me to believe I could trust no one any longer in anything.  The happy mask I put on were for those who were hurting, if they found out who I really was, they would resent me.

 

This past year, I made some leaps and bounds and made real friends that I believed I could trust.  Around them, the happy mask that I thought I had to wear, felt like my real face.  I could be completely bubbly, optimistic, and down to earth.  I became the funny guy who could still listen to problems.  I actually started caring about the problems and I could feel myself changing as a person because of them.

 

But there was always something holding me back.  Although they were very trustworthy friends, I still can’t let myself go all in.  What hurts is that, I know I can’t trust them or anyone for that matter and the very thought that people I’ve had close relationships with are people I can’t trust bothers me.  It bothers me that I’mdoubtful and I always wonder what’s wrong with me.

 

And now, I still don’t really know my true personality anymore, whether I’m really a cynical, selfish person or an optimistic, funny guy.  I guess I'm okay with not really knowing who I really am, as long as everyone else is happy.  I’m slowly learning to trust people though, and I’ll continue to be or at least pretend to be that fun guy around everyone, cause I would hate for them to get hurt…

 

 

That’s my story! :] I guess Kingdom Hearts really helped me get through a lot of it also, but yup!  Hope you don’t think too lowly of me after you read this.

[MickeyTheMick 175]

1) I didn't want to like your post since I thought of it as liking your past but oh well I liked it. x-x

2) I knew some of that but that is terrible, I really feel bad for you. I also like how you didn't stop being who you are even after those tragedies. I also love how you didn't give a shit about what other people think, I mean, I had trouble thinking like that but to be honest it helps A LOT. 

 

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Oh boy here I go, same with Lea I didn't really want to post this but a few people knew so I thought why not. 

 

NOTE: These things seem unbelievable, and I am trying understand how it works but apparently, everything said about my past (mainly my family's past) is true.

 

 

A bit before I was born, most of my family was at India. My mom is Japanese/Indian/British while my dad was a Mexican/Indian/Dominican. Yup 2 multicultural families. My grandmother from my dad's side really hated my mom, she wasn't like the rest of her family who had men having fun and her daughters in power. Her sons wives doing all the work, so this had to be the same for my mom, but she talked to some of the wives because she knew it was utter bullshit this was happening. None of them sided with her, so she ended up going against my dad's mom anyways. She yelled and scolded her for what she is doing but both my dad's mom AND her daughter got so severely angry. When my dad found out he was a bit conflicted, so he tried to help my mom into leaving the house to go back to her own family. Of course some fight spewed up, never really understood it, but that caused my mom to be very angry when she got back to her own family. Her father wouldn't let my father inside for that very reason, he said if he is going to have a family with her he better put his act up. Of course my father agreed and decided to be a better father. This led to the birth of my brother, and they lived in another village later on happily. My father went back to his extended family, who is still trying to like but keeps pushing him away, and found out one of the family members son is sick. So he took him and brought him back to our village without letting his mother find out. When he got back he gave the child to my mom to take care of, and because she knew how terrible that place was, she took care of him. My father then decided it is time to go to America. I've always wondered why we were the only ones here out of all the people they knew in India. My father worked a lot, but then his personality became much worse as the time goes. His ego expanded and stereotypes surrounded him, but this was influenced by the fact that his family hated him. Though it was more of his own fault, which i'll get to later. Years have passed and finally we were allowed into America with a green card, remember I was not born yet. When we got to America the kid grew up and apparently survived the disease for quite a while. My brother and him played together and when my mother found out my father was being kind of a dick just because he got money she started to despise him. Later in the months the boy got extremely sick, so he was brought to the hospital to be saved and possibly cured. My father was worried since it was part of his own blood. Later on, it was declared that the boy died and that was a main point where my family changed. My father became more angry and hated on everyone in this family. He would abuse my mother and my brother almost all the time. He would beat him up for not eating if he is not hungry, make him throw up and then make him eat the food. Sadly, I was about to be born. When I came into this world (majestically), my father tried to love me, but he still had this abusive side to him. He would do the same thing to me as he did to my brother, beat me up, make me throw up, etc. My mom always tried to stop him, but he never cared. No one could've stopped him while we were young and while mom doesn't let anyone else know. Around the time I was 5, my grandmother would still not stop hating on my mom and letting that boy live. This is the part where everything starts being a bit weird, since it involved dark magic. My grandmother actually cursed my mom to gain severe back pain to the point where she really can't do anything. My father didn't believe her, and said that she was just playing around. So she never got surgery or anything. She cried so much because of the fact she wont be able to help me or my brother while we were just children. That did not just end right there. I became the person who is in danger now. My grandmother found out that I was born so she sent some of her sons to go kill me. They either live in Canada, America, or around here. They don't know the correct place, but they know I exist. They want to kill me just to make my mom mourn. It's the reason she is so overprotective. When my father found out, he became overprotective too. Hypocritical, I know. I still like that they were so protective of me, but at that time, I never knew this was going on. I never knew for a while. This also the reason why my mom is so paranoid, because she is just too afraid over everything. Now off to some other parts of my life. I'm not sure which year, but at one point I was being my dumb self and was jumping over sofas and stuff. I had no control, but at one point I jumped off a sofa in this hole that was created between 2 sofas and a corner-table. I put my hand over onto the corner-table to pull myself up but instead I touched a iron which gave me a huge scar on the back of my left hand. My parents were so scared they immediately got me into the hospital for help. They lied about what happened, but it still saved my life since it was apparently burning through my skin. At this point, the scar was on the back of my left hand and halfway through my fingers. Not pretty at all. I went on a normal life, not knowing that I was in danger 100% of the time. In elementary I got bullied each grade because apparently I was too weird and I couldn't fit in. People cursed at me, attacked me, and it was just hell. I even cried at times in the closet where everyone puts their backpacks and stuff and when someone found out they laughed at me. I usually fake-sick my way out of the school almost all the time. I got put into counseling and I hated everything that was going on in there. I disliked it when people tried to help me, because once they say they are they never help. So I developed a very pessimistic attitude and cared about myself only. During my summer vacation before 5th grade started me and my family took a trip back to India for me to meet her extended family. I had so much fun and loved everyone and they also loved me as well. I always used to climb walls and play with dogs and other animals. I hated the insects though, like there were 5 billion flies and mosquitoes and I couldn't adapt with them until half way. We also took a trip to meet my dads adopted family side, who I never knew existed. I always though it was his mom but I didn't realize he was adopted. I think he is? It was implied, but I think they were more of a family than his actual family I suppose. My mom made sure I was safe 100%, and hated when I wandered outside by myself, which I did almost every time  I also caught a glimpse of my dad's mother, and she already gave me the looks that she hates me. My mom told me to not talk to her, and she called her a bitch in front of me. Middle School came and around this time my brother said I was kind of safe. I also had a hard time finding friends besides this one girl who knows the bullies are being dicks even though she is friends with them. Then after halfway, I became friends with the entire class. I usually thought it was because of my pessimistic behavior that I took most of the insults the wrong way, because we all know how teenagers act towards each other. In 7th grade I became more rebellious towards my mother, I always hated how she was overprotective and how she wouldn't let me do anything at all. She wouldn't let me go outside my whole life, but remember I didn't know anything that I've just said at this point in time. In 8th grade everything went downhill, I found new better friends who I didn't 100% agree with but I did have more fun with them. I used to hang out with a group of guys since we had similar interests, but they all started to become awful towards me and only used me for the food I had. I felt so dumb when I noticed they were using me, so I practically left them without letting them know. They claim they were my "true friends" and they come up to me and say "why did you leave" and usually I told them to firetruck off. One of the guys I liked was an asshole, so I stopped having a crush on him and looking back I never realized why I liked him. I also developed a depression, I usually got yelled at by my mom, my brother sides with my mom all the time, I usually get punched or insulted by the guys in the class now and I felt like total shit. The reason I didn't self-harm is because I always told myself that I'm not going to hurt myself because of those idiots. I slowly got out of my depression because of my new friends, me becoming a bit more pessimistic, and mainly because of KH13. Yup it was the first year I joined accidentally because I was like "Oh we can talk to the people here about this game, well why not" but I didn't expect this shit to happen. When I joined the livestream of KH3D was over so I was a bit annoyed. I met so many great friends here who got me through my depression easily. I lost some great friends too, who either became worse or because of no reason whatsoever. But I still was happy and this not hold a grudge. All I learned in my life was not to hold a grudge, but be smart with your decisions. I can become happier and possibly survive. I'm still very insecure, and 9th grade was the best year for me since I loved everyone and everyone loved me too. Even though I cried once everyone came up to me to make me feel better, something no one ever did. I even got a text from a friend who made me feel bad, and he apologized through a large wall of text. I forgave him, but even after a week I cried people still asked me why I cried and I never told them. I rather keep things to myself (contradicting since I posted this...). So yes, don't hold a grudge since it will just make your life worse, and be smart with your decisions so your life will be easier. I found out everything in 8th grade, so I hugged my mom after that and decided "Sure we can have a few fights..." but I stopped my rebellious acts so she can have a better life. She gotten better with her back pain, my father isn't able to attack us anymore because we are grown up (he doesn't even apologize), and now I am pretty safe. Here is the privileged life for ya. 

 

 

I'll type more later, I have to go and I'll come back.

 

EDIT: Alright finished enjoy guys. 

 

​This also beats that stereotype that only people who are super pessimistic have a terrible past, when I am usually positive and realistic. 

Well, Shana, I hope you stay positive, you have been a good friend to people on this website

[Crisp Cucumber 229]

I feel so much sympathy for everyone who posted something here about their awful past... It's hard to get through such a painful life. I'm so glad everyone is doing all right now. Stay strong and positive guys.

[Sikota Urinakano 876]

By the way, Hazimie, this was a genius idea.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm that one kid who probably wouldn't have anything to post here. My parents are trying hard to not make the mistakes theirs did. Aside from keeping me from my beloved girlfriend, they're doing pretty well. I'm lucky enough to live in a relatively stable upper middle class family. I never felt like anything was missing; no 'greater purpose' I felt or feel I need[ed] to pursue. But I do have a story. Something that brought me to my lowest point and has become a defining moment in my life. But I'm thinking I'll save that for later. This autumn. October. Maybe.

[kalnet 1,198]

Decided to take the opportunity of this thread and tell the entirety about my hellish year back in 2011, what comes after that, and why I join KH13 in the first place. It connects:

 

My childhood was great, My parents took care of me and brought me up right like any other parents would do. I'm very close with my big brother. We did fought when we were young but hey, we were just kids. i have good friends. We were never close to my cousins because they always look down on my brother and I. My school life had it's ups and downs but it felt normal for me and turned out to be fun. My college year was alright. I've met some assholes here and there, but I've got nice new friends along the way and things went swell.

Now why? I have a good normal life. I've got friends. Things were great. It has it's ups and downs, but what comes next is the worst thing that has happened to me. It all began sometime October 2010. One month before my 20th birthday.

 

 

My dad came back from a business trip and he had a bad stroke. He had a very serious stroke because of all the stress he has to deal with everyday in the office. His clients didn't pay him money and he had to pay his workers salary and some of his colleague because he had a big project going on. Apparently one of his closed client backstabbed my dad and take this big project and take the money for himself. My dad was devastated and had a stroke.

His entire right body couldn't function and we had to admit him to hospital. My dad has a history of bad spinal cord due to labor work while he was young and that made his body's function worse. We also had financial problem because no one pays him his share of the money and kept them for themselves. We then start to proceed on suing them and my dad tried to do the paper work but he can't write since he is right-handed. The doctors kept on telling us that my dad needs surgery for his spinal cord but the success is 50% and we always decline because we had a relative who had same problems like my dad and was ended up on a wheelchair for the rest of her life. We wouldn't want that.

My dad has a few friends who was able to do some massage therapy that can nurse him back to health without any surgery but it requires a long time. Without money coming in, we had to sell our cars. Our family car, my dad's and my big bro's car. My dad decided to tell me that the house that we've been living in was actually a rented house and that we never bought a house before. I was shocked but kept my calm since there were worse situations to deal with.

We celebrated my birthday a month after and 4 days later, my grandfather from my mom side passed away and my mom had to flew back to her hometown to attend the funeral. My dad had to suffer while he was in my care. It was hard and a huge blow to my life, but i learn more from there. We were low on money so we did the hardest decision to go back to our hometown and do the therapy there since his friend was living there. My dad has severe shivering and I had to warm him up mid-flight but I was glad he managed to power through and do the therapy there.

So after we settled down over there, we decided to mortgage my grandparents house to use the money from there. We let my cousin do the paper work since she was a lawyer. During that time, my dad had another stroke because we couldn't do anything to find money and my dad nearly pass out/away because he was already hallucinating and we were just desperate to do anything to save him. I prayed and prayed to the bottom of my heart and I'm glad he managed to power through again. Neither did we know that his stroke will keep on going throughout out the entire year on a daily basis.

We had to keep an eye on him 24/7 and couldn't leave him alone since he always had these spams every 3 hours or so which was very painful. I came up with a plan. My mom & bro will take care of him during the day while I will take care of him during the night. That was when I try to find something to keep my mind of things at night and founded KH13 along the way. These nights (January - December 2011) were the nights that I was able to visit KH13 daily. Sometimes I even had to take care of my dad during the day when my mom wasn't feeling well. It was an adrenaline rush for me.

We had to stupidly wait 5 months (April- August) for the mortgage to come through, not to know that my cousin secretly dragged the paper work for 3 full month. We didn't know about it until the bank called us why the paper work wasn't done yet and we pressured my cousin to finish the paper work. It gets worse when they try to keep the money to themselves and told us to pay the fee first which was of course, illegal. My dad had another stroke just because of that and my brother and I nearly wanna go to their house and settle a score with them but of course, that would worsen the situation. All we had to do was pressure them even more.

In between those 5 months were horrible. Our relatives talking bad about us behind our backs, saying my dad lied about his sickness and was just showing pity when my dad had helped them out when they were in trouble. That really hurts me to the core when I was being the most friendly one to my cousins. Apparently we were branded an outcast just because we lived in west malaysia( My hometown is in East Malaysia). My uncle from my mother side was quite a racist guy just because my mom married a muslim. My mom was the only one in the family who converted into a muslim and things were quite sour during and after their marriage from what my parents told me. They were looked down at just because of religion. My mom was a christian. My dad & mom's side just don't like my parents just because they don't like seeing us being a happy family. My grandparents was alright all the way through with their marriage, only my aunts and uncles.

Shortly after the mortgage was done and over with, my grandmother from my mother side pass away and I wasn't able to see my grandmother one last time because I had to take care of my dad. Same thing when my grandfather pass away. It was really painful not being able to see them one last time. Only my mom attended the funeral. Thankfully there wasn't any gossip and whatnot since my mom just stick around to talk to some of her siblings and nieces and went back home to see how we were doing. Until today, I still wasn't able to visit their grave.

After we got the money, my dad felt a little bit better since he doesn't need to care about money troubles for the time being and we were able to buy medicine for him and finish his massage therapy. The only minor thing is to keep an eye of him since he wasn't able to get up on his own. It will take him another 4 months (October 2011 - January 2012) for him to be able to get up on his own again.

By around late october, things were already going well for us. We only need to take extra caution around my dad so he wouldn't fall or anything the like. The following month, we traveled back to west malaysia which I was proud to call it my real home, because I wasn't brought there but in the west. My cat missed me and I'm glad the neighbor was kind enough to take care of him. Things were going fine and I was able to attend the Girls' Generation concert miraculously.

What comes after that was a few minor things. Relatives would still randomly indirectly talk about about us on Facebook, we settled some tough debts, dad getting back to work and we had to help him out which I had to postpone my studies again.

 

That was it. Kinda confusing. I tried to skip the "boring" part because there was just so many shitty stuffs happen that year (2011). Every single day we had to suffer new things and it was just… Hell. I'm just glad it was over and we pray not to go through that again.

 

So what does all this somehow related with KH13? Everything.

 

Because if I didn't have this situation, I won't be joining KH13 in the first place and move on with my life as usual but I did because of what happened to me, and I'm thankful for it at the same time. I get to meet the whole lot of you guys and it really puts my stress aside from what was going around me through out the entire year and a half.

 

Zexion_Lover46, Lu Xun, coolwings, TheApprenticeofKingMickey, baylaust, hatok, Trey, King Riku, SLH, AnsemTheWise, Miku Hatsune, HelpMeRan-Sama, Hazimie, Rob, DChiuch, Koko, protoman, Xylek, waytothexdawnx, Shera Wizard, Vanitasiskirby, 4Everbee, Flaming Lea, Xaon, Weiss, Aqua7KH, dusk, Kinode, Snow, Shana09, -iAD… You guys. You guys have no idea how much this means to me. I've been solely the quiet type around the forums and didn't talk to any of you but all of you did anyway. I remember almost every event that happened here these past 2 years. Some of you may not remember talking to me but I do, and I'm thankful for that. Even the smallest conversation we had, the little things, I still remember them because that was enough for me to just say "Yeah. It's a good day today."

The things I had to suffer through. No money, lying to my friends, postponing my studies, not having a fun life as a Girls' Generation fan, stuck at home full of stress, having suicidal thoughts for the first time, witnessing my dad suffer his stroke almost everyday, can't go out, relatives betraying us, not knowing the joy of having fun with relatives, relatives indirectly talking shit about us, gossips that nearly destroy the family, it goes on and on and on. My life was literally on "pause" mode. I'm just glad good things are finally going through and get on with my life. I sincerely have to thank you guys for giving me the strength to power through that hellish year (2011-2012). It was an experience I never want all of you to experience and I'll always pray people around me not having to suffer over the same fate on what I've gone through.

Even with all these come to past, I'm not sure if I'm a good friend to you guys. I don't know if I had ever help you all out too. The things you guys done for me.. really made me quite the happy guy here. I've learned so many things here. I'm just not sure how to repay all this. I really wish I could.

 

I'm just glad I met you guys. I really do. Thank you. Thank you.

 

[Shana09 5,769]

So I've been thinking about posting here. I finally figured, why not. So yeah. Don't know if this'll be very detailed. I'm just going to try to sum it up. Forgive me for not remembering ages at when things happen. It's hard to remember exactly when these things happened. Another thing. These things are kinda awkward for me to talk about so it might be written out weird.

 

 

 

I'm trying to think of where to start...Lets see. When I was very young my dad and mom would fight a lot. It was usually at night when we were all in bed. But I always heard them. After a while I could hear my dad get violent. He would slap my mom. I guess I should point out that I am a major Mama's boy. So yeah..There was that. Also my dad used to single me out a lot. We'd be helping with yard work a lot and he would smack me upside the head and tell me how much of a failure I am and whatnot. When I was about 7 or 8 my brother started molesting me and all of that jazz. So, that wasn't cool. Sooo when I was about...8? I think. My dad left my mom. At this point my older brother and sister had moved out. So it was just me and my younger sister. My dad would send my mom money and all that. So we were ok. Then my dad came back and got my mom pregnant so I had another sister. After that my mom started drinking a lot. So I helped take care of my two younger sisters. Later my dad showed up and took my sisters and left me with my mom. Which I was fine with seeing as I was close to my mom. But it still hurt that he left me out. After that he stopped sending my mom money. Her and I were left to fend for ourselves. Keep in mind my mom never finished high school and never had a job. The only thing she wanted to do was be a house mom. So she had no skills. We basically lived off of top roman and hot dogs. ( I hate top roman so bad now. yuck.) Anyways, when I was about 12 or 13, I think it was, I was walking home after school and the police was at my house. So I ran. I still don't know why they were there. But yeah that basically left me to be homeless. I would hide in alleys and everything and many different places so nobody could find me. I also stole food a few times and ate out of dumpsters.  I saw a lot of crazy things there. Crazy people and drugies. I had to run for my life from people many times. I also found what I believe was a dead body in a dumpster once. But yeah. Eventually my Grandma and Grandpa found me after about a year. So I lived with them and things were good. But they decided to move to North Dakota. (I lived in Ca at the time) So I was forced to move in with my dad. At first my dad acted like everything was fine. It was nice. But then he started beating me everyday. Severely... He'd pick me up by my hair and throw me across the room. Punch me in the face. A lot of things. He also liked to smack me in the knees a lot with a bat. (my knees are firetrucked up to this day) He'd ask for help on working on something. So I'd go help  and if i brought him the wrong tool he would throw it at me really hard. Say things like "Go get the right firetrucking tool you dumbass). He was very abusive to me mentally. Would call em things like, useless, frailer, sick, defective. He'd ask why I couldn't be more like my brother. Which actually hurt a lot considering what my brother had done to me. He never hurt the other kids. Which I was happy about. When I was a teenager I started hearing things getting paranoid about a lot of things and what not. So I told my dad. So he had me put into a crazy house. (I just call it that for reasons. ) But yeah. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. So I spend a while in the crazy house. That time of my life was kind of blurry. So I don't remember to much. Or I chose to forget. I don't know. But yeah. I came home and they had me on some strong meds that made me a zombie so I stopped taking them and decided to deal with it on my own. So yeah. Some people that I was very close to died. My aunt and my grandma. My grandma's death was especially hard to deal with because she was the person I confided in the most. So after that happened I had tried to hang myself in the woods of where I lived. It didn't work, obviously, because the rope broke. Oh I forgot to mention I used to cut my shoulders a lot. It was the best place to hide them. Also I'd burn myself and scald myself in the shower and stuff like that.  Oh yeah. Between the time I lived with my dad and my grandma got sick I had know clue where my mom was or if she was even alive. She eventually showed up To take care of my grandma. So that was nice. I eventually moved out of my dads place. Which was great. I had saved up money from a lot of odd jobs and things. I had $50,000. Which my girlfriend I was with for 5 years stole. She eventually broke up with me. Yada yada yada. ( I don't want to get into relationships. That would be to much typing haha) But yeah was depressed from that for a while. I dated this other girl. It wasn't the greatest. But I was ok. Then last year my best friend I ever had died in a car accented. That was really hard to take. Oh yeah that other girl I just talked about I was engaged to. But yeah. She broke up with me a week after my best friend died. So it was a pretty rough time for me. Buuut yeah. I'm basically watching my grandpa die. Which is hard sometimes but I am dealing with it. I moved on from all that stuff and found Lea and everything is great. I feel better than I ever have in my entire life.

 

I'm just gonna write that much. Some stuff I left out because I was either to lazy or somethings I just don't talk about. So yeah...There is that. See ya.

 

 

 

 

I'm just wondering, what happened to your mom? And I am terribly sorry for what happened to you and didn't really you to have such a painful past. I also feel you on the child abuse and the father-mother fights. Pleased to know you are so happy now. 

[Demyx. 10,064]

I'm just wondering, what happened to your mom? And I am terribly sorry for what happened to you and didn't really you to have such a painful past. I also feel you on the child abuse and the father-mother fights. Pleased to know you are so happy now. 

Oh she is fine now. She had some trouble with drinking when I first moved here to ND and ended up in the hospital.  But she quit drinking and she's good now.

Edited July 15, 2013 by Megaman X

[Shana09 5,769]

Oh she is fine now. She had some trouble with drinking when I first moved here to ND and ended up in the hospital.  But she quit drinking and she's good not.

 

Your typo says otherwise, but thats really good to know. I am really close with my mom too, especially with all the abuse and everything. 

[Demyx. 10,064]

Your typo says otherwise, but thats really good to know. I am really close with my mom too, especially with all the abuse and everything. 

whooops. I'll fix it

 

P.S. Moms are the best

Edited July 15, 2013 by Megaman X

[Shana09 5,769]

whooops. I'll fix it

 

P.S. Moms are the best

 

Yes, yes they are. 

[DJ369 183]

Well... When I was growing up as a boy, I was bullied a lot, and didn't make that many friends. Everyday, I'd be very upset, and crying  at home, and my mom had no idea how to help me. and my dad wasn't always there at the house, so he didn't know everything. I've pretty much been alone when I was young, and I didn't feel I mattered to anyone, y'know? Around 5th grade, this girl who was older than me started pushing me around, and then she kicked me in the stomach, and knocked me down. I was SUPER embarrassed, and angry that I let myself be humiliated by a girl. Later that day, I left that school early because I couldn't take anymore of all that drama. I transferred to a different school, and things were starting to look up, along with me spending more time with my dad.

 

I was mad at my dad one day because of him not being there at home spending time with me to help me with my problems all those years ago. He KNEW a couple of things that happened around that time, but he had NO idea what I was going through, so I finally told him the whole story. He said he felt terrible about it, and him not being home all the time had to do with him doing music. He told me he's going to help me with my confidence and self esteem, and I believed him. And truly helped me with all that. I'm 15 now, and I've got some good friends I can count on, and I can handle situations where people are messing with be because, I'm sick of that shit, y'know? And I hope that someday, I get respect from a lot of people for 1. Anime/Manga, Film making, etc. and 2. Being a good person, so that one day, someone will need me.

Edited July 15, 2013 by DJ369

[Lalalablah 1,538]

.

Edited February 12, 2014 by Lalalablah

[Hazimie 1,595]

I think we still need more painful past of other members since many New members have appeared recently...

Edited August 12, 2013 by Hazimie

[Kirie 3,489]

There's more to my story altho i have very few memories from my past it was very trumatizing and a horrible expirence to watch it alone as a little kid, I'll try to explain as much as I can to the very beginning.

 

My father hits everyone of us (my brothers, sisters, and the youngest one me, and my mother) We were trapped in that house no one to  save us, we cant go out and enjoy happiness like other kids. All we can do is go to school and come back home. We didn't have the freedom to have "fun" I always look out the window and look at kids playing and laughing while i'm stuck in here doing nothing just playing by my self. That was when after my Father killed himself, that's when we had out freedom. I do feel bad for my father, I never meet him offically since I can't remember but I doubt he was a good man. In addition, There would always be trouble around us. and since my brothers turned into idiots getting in trouble they wind up fighing in the front of our house. Oh I can see it now strangers beating up my brothers and my step father defending them... it was the time of my birthday and I say that my birthday is ruined by that time.... There once one time one of my 5th sisters was prostituding and my mother caught her and guess what? huh, my mom letured her like every mother would and  all of us just barley got woked up by the yelling they did....you know what my sister did...? She kicked her so hard by the Intestines my mom went unconscious the rest of us just cried and my sister just ran away, luckily my mom was still alive but the doctors told her she can't have babies anymore...it was a sad moment.

There was also this one time my mom tried to kill her self by jumping from a mountain while we were taking a trip If it wasnt for my brother she would have jumped and abadon us...that was something my mom didnt figure out..... times flies fast. I went living with my older sister and one day I just saw her boyfriend he abuseing her and slamming her in the toilet. he left her face red and covered with blood. and her 3 kids were watching I couldnt do anything i couldnt move, i coudlnt talk, i was just standing there frozen with her kids waiting if he will beat us up or something. I was also abused by one of my sistsers the one that kicked my mom and harrased by my older cousin he touches me everywhere and it felt uncomfortable, even men try to take me in their car....Thats all I can remember.... It was rather the most traumatizing moments in my past

Edited August 12, 2013 by inori

[HikariYami 354]

I would not say that my story is sad; however, I have hit some nadir points in my life. Might not be to coherent due to the fact I wrote this at 2AM

 

I was born the second of three children and the only girl out the three. When I was born, my father just started working at his job and was gone a lot. My parents were dirt poor when they got married living off of potatoes everyday. Conditions were not much better when I was born. My mother would have to take the bus to get around town since there was only one car. But they persevered.

Just a little background.

When I was little, I had a very big persona as I don't take shit from nobody. In preschool this boy would bully me, so one day I took a book and bashed him in the face. That took care of that. I am sort of blunt and can be a bitch. (I guess that is why I like Lighting so much.) I am very opinionated. If you ask me what I think, well, I will honestly tell you. However, I am nice and caring and will do anything to help.

Back to my story.

For the majority of my childhood, I had been the minority. I never seemed to fit in one place. As being a black female from a well off black family with successful parents, I couldn't help but feel isolated. There were only 10 black kids in school none of whom wanted to be my friend. My mom sent me to a black summer camp twice where I was bullied. I cried. I did not want go. The kids would tease me because I talk "white" coining me with the nickname "white girl", but I was black just like them. They would pick on me because of where I lived by saying "you live with the white folks" and "go back to your big ol'house." and my hair because of how long it was. I would tell my mom, but she kept sending me there. I never clicked with my own race. People talk about how racist white people are, but I feel that white people treat me better than black people. Later, as I started middle school and high schools it became more apparent again. Like, black people would claim me when I was doing good. I decided not to care about race. No way.

But that is not the half of it.

I have moved a lot in my childhood. Every two years we would move. Sometimes, you don't want to make friends because you know you are here for just a moment. Countless goodbyes, and as you get older, it gets tougher. The last time I moved, I broke down in class. All my friends and I cried in a circle hugging each other. It hurts.

I was top of my class, section leader, top twenty-five in the state for high school clarinets. The voice of the underdog.

I was going to be drum major, and part of All-state band.

All of it gone. Gone to start anew.

I started school in NC thinking I could pick up where I left off. Education wise,I was fine. Still toping charts. However, Band, my solace was taken away. I did band with great intentions. I really did. But, the band director is a sorry piece of selfish shit. Everything was about him. Too many I and men's and not enough we and us. I regretted it so. I gave up APUSH for that class. Then, his ass wants to get mad when I drop because I hated that damn class. He was forcing children to take band if they wanted to marching band making them choose band fighting with counselor when they said it is not possible. Then, he failed everyone on their playing test. You know I am going to stop before I get angry. I get on rant about that piss poor director.

But, yeah that is a glimpse of my life story written at 2AM.

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Wow, I've been reading up on this topic, and I'm sorry you've all been through such tough times and through such harrowing ordeals. My heart goes out to all of you, and I admire the willpower and the heart you all have that has helped you overcome your pasts. You should all be proud and walk tall with your heads held high. You are all heroes, you are my heroes. Now then, since I've read about your past's, it's only fair that I talk about mine.

 

As far as I can say, the worst time in my life was during my early school years. Nothing was wrong at home, because even though my parents had gotten a divorce, my Mom always taught me good values and to always love my Dad no matter what.

 

But anyways, let me get to the story. At school I would always be bullied by the other kids because I was smart and because I was kind and because I was a goody two shoes. They would always insult me and treat me like trash, making fun of me just because I liked Star Wars and Barney and other things they thought that "weren't cool." I had a rough time making friends, but thankfully I had two friends in particular who are like brothers, Mike and Carlos, who would stick by my side. I guess you would have called us the Sora, Donald and Goofy trio of elementary school.

 

Mom would always give me advice, and as much as I tried following her advice, I would still be verbally and emotionally assaulted at school. It also didn't help that every time I would have a crush on a girl at school, she'd never have the same feelings for me. They always rejected me, and one of them in particular, Tianyllibet, enjoyed the suffering I endured when I was picked on. And so I started thinking to myself: "Is there something wrong with me? Am I really that ugly? Why do girls never like me? Why do people pick on me?" I would constantly get depressed because I thought there was something wrong with me.

 

There was even this one time that I got hospitalized because I had my saliva glands overinflated, and after 3 days, I returned to school, and even then, it was like nothing mattered, because I was only picked on even more. I remember that Anthony said: hey look, big head nerd returned from the big head hospital! It was all too much for me, and no one would even stand up for me, I was always alone.

 

I was mostly a loner at school, I'd always eat lunch by myself, I'd watch other kids play at recess while I played all by myself. In 4th grade though, I met Jonathan, who accepted me as his friend from day one, and from the simplest of conversations,(we met when he heard me singing the Spider Man song at recess, lol.) our friendship had begun. To this day we are practically brothers, and I thank God for having met him, because he was always there for me in school, and he'd always listen to me and give me advice when I was heartbroken by girls. My good friend Manuel has also been like a brother to me, lending his support when I needed him the most.

 

As the years passed, I would still have a hard time at school, but by the time I was in High School, it all stopped. I was finally free from being bullied, but I still remained grim and unconfident about myself. That all changed when I met my dear Inori here in KH13. When I was going through such a rough time, she found me in the darkness. She rescued me and healed my heart. She herself told me of her past, and we found ourselves bonding as the days passed, and we became closer and closer to each other until we realized that we had fallen in love. I was scared to confess my feelings to her because I thought she'd reject me, but to my surprise, she felt the same for me as well! From that moment on, we've been a happy and loving couple for two years and one month. My dear Inori helped me realize that I didn't need to be ashamed of who I was, and that I didn't need to be afraid to be myself. She taught me to have confidence in myself. I thank God so much that I met her.

 

I've also realized that the Kingdom Hearts series has also helped me recover from my self loathing. I always relate myself to Riku because of his journey of redemption. Riku is an inspiring character because of his determination and willpower to conquer the darkness inside him. I related myself to him because I too had been on a journey. A journey to battle the insecurity and self doubt within myself. Maybe this is why Riku will always be my favorite character of the Kingdom Hearts series.

 

And so everyone, that is basically the summary of my past, and it just goes to show you that even though your story may not have such a happy beginning, it doesn't mean that it defines who you are. As long as you can be able to have determination to face the harshest of adversities, with God in your heart, nothing is impossible. What you see before you is an 18 year old man who's faced adversity and has overcome it. I may be crazy and childish at times, but that's how I am, and I'm not ashamed of myself because I'm proud of who I am! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I know I talk too much, lol. God bless you all, and may you all triumph in life and overcome any adversity!

[King Riku 2,063]

I wasn't really sure if I should put this here or not, but I figured this was the best place for it.

 

In 2012, I traded my 3DS friend code with people on NintendoLife, a site dedicated to providing news on anything Nintendo. I ended up added a guy, and I thought we could be friends. He was on his 3DS a lot more than anyone else on my list, and I used to send out a lot of notes on Swapnote, and he'd end up replying to most, if not all, pretty quickly. Since I was almost always on my 3DS, it was really nice to see. I'd been pretty lonely, and it was nice to have someone to talk with so often. I'd been going through a lot of problems with my best friend and my family, and I felt like no one could care less about me, like I wasn't important or loved. So it was nice to feel like someone actually wanted to talk to me for once. Around March I kinda got obsessed with Assassin's Creed though, and spent most of my time playing that instead of my 3DS. That lasted about a month, then I couldn't play it anymore. So I went back to my 3DS, and he was still there. In a way, he didn't really seem the same as he was, but I'd been gone for a month, so I thought it was just how he always was. We talked a lot again, and eventually he started making perverted and inappropriate jokes, and I thought that was all they were, just jokes. So I played along, because I didn't see the harm in some jokes. And before I knew it, those jokes turned really serious. I hadn't even noticed until things were pretty far. It made me really uncomfortable, but I desperately wanted to be liked and cared for, to actually be wanted, so I tried to push those feelings away. And around then things kept getting worse with my best friend, we were both trying to make the other jealous. But she was still my best friend, and I really missed actually talking to her. So, when she actually agreed to stay over in July, I introduced her to him via friend codes so that maybe she'd have a reason to come online more. And if she was online more, maybe she'd talk to me more. And I did that, knowing how he was. It was incredibly selfish of me, but I missed her so much. It didn't work though, she still barely talked to me. And he kept going with that inappropriate talk. He'd talk about sex, and masturbating, and sex with me. And then he asked for a picture of me in nothing but my bra. And I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know how to stand up for myself and stop everything. I know it was online, I know I could have just deleted him, but it was still scary. And I still really wanted to be wanted, so badly. So I sent it. And eventually he asked for one with nothing on...and I sent that too. I did try to put off both, but in the end I still sent them. I was stupid and thought if I did, they might get him to care. Someone would care about me, I'd be important for once. But I wasn't, and deep down I knew it. In the back of my head I'd felt like he was just using me, but I didn't want to believe it. I had liked him at one point, but that like had just turned into liking the idea of someone caring about me. After I sent that second picture, I couldn't make myself believe differently anymore. But I didn't know how to get away. So I hid like a coward, and I started making excuses not to come online. And eventually I got up the courage to just stop making excuses and not come online for a while. I'd go on and off, ignoring him sometimes, not saying why I was gone, talking to other friends, playing games. I came here to escape, to get my mind away from it. And I met Trey...and I didn't delete that guy. And I started dating Trey...and I still didn't delete him. I was so very happy with Trey, and I was still mad at that guy because I'd felt so used. I know that everything that happened was my fault, because I hadn't said no. I'd let him believe it was okay. But that didn't change how I felt at the time. I felt like I wasn't at fault at all. I left him on my friends list so that he would see that I was actually happy, and that he couldn't use me anymore. And then I finally deleted him. And I didn't tell Trey any of it. That was in early December. Trey found out in February of last year, when he saw an old email conversation from the previous summer. And I lied to him...I lied to him about so much, anything and everything. Because I didn't want to accept things how they were, I didn't want to accept that it was my fault, that I did those things, that I was so stupid. I lied to him for months about it...I was so selfish, horrible, inconsiderate, and hurtful. And I can't take any of that back. And even though I did all those things...even though I treated him so badly...he put up with all of it, and he's still here with me, even though it hurts him every day to know that I did those things to him. To know that he can't trust me...but he's still here. Because he loves me. I'm trying very hard to be a good person and to make up for what I've done, but it's still so hard on him. And I would do anything to just go back and change what I did, to take all of it back. Trey deserves to be happy, and I just want to make him happy so very badly. I don't want to be that person, I want to be honest, considerate, helpful, really nice, selfless...I'm trying, and I'm never giving up.

[Ceriraye 485]

When I use to live with my dad when my mother was sick, my dad was was always at work and never really home except for a short period of time in the middle of the night before he had to leave again. I was left in the care of his wife aka my step mother. she didn't like me very much. So she left me with one of her guy friends and went somewhere else I never knew where. Im not gonna go into detail but Imagine a small 5 year old girl beated, hungry, extremely violated, and missing her mom.

[Hazimie 1,595]

I know this thread is kinda outdated,but i want to express myself of what i've been through during my disappearance.

 

 

 

At School,me and my friend have a good skills in computer on Computer Club that we joined.One day,Our teacher said that we can participate on a competition between other Club Members and the winner will get the applications of Computer Programming Scholarship.My friend really want that Scholarship,so yeah,I help him to get what he wants since that's what friends do.

 

Unfortunately after the Competition,we lost.My friend was disappointed of what happened and I tried to cheer him up,but it all end up in an Argument.We talk and let our feelings out with anger and he wants to show me that he was good at computer skills than me.Then,I accidentally said to him that I'm better than him since I experiencing it on KH13.After that,he wants to prove to me that I'm wrong,and I became worried since he hasn't been to school lately after our we been through to our argument.

 

As my hunch is right,I decided to take a look on KH13,and I was right all along.My friend are trying to spam this Site with the username called "Яeverse".I tried to stop him by logging in my username,but it seems I was too late since he was one step ahead of me as he manage to stole my username and change the password for not letting me in......What a Hacker he is.....

 

So yeah,I decided to meet face-to-face at school or calling him as fast as I could,but none of them succeed.In other words,I can only do watch and hope that some of the members are alright...

 

On the following day or should I say today,to be exact,I received a call from him.He said that he wants to apologize after all he's done to me and the Site and he said that it's his dream that he wants to become a computer programmer that badly since he really make some desperate measures.So yeah,I accept his apology and our relationships have gone better in the end...

 

Ever since then,i'm feeling guilty that i couldn't save my friend back then and i'm guilty that some of the members here probably hated me because of my personal business that has been involved in this Site,and all i want is to apologize to you guys.....i'm really sorry...

 

 

[Philip Ellwell 5,487]

Hmmmm..... ok...yeah.....

So...

For about three years I lived next door to this woman, i'll just call her V.

She was 49, and schizoprenic: she convinced herself I was her lover. ( I was 15 at the time. )

She then began stalking us, in every way imaginable: she clipped small camera's to our windows, she followed us to stores and around town, and she even managed to tap our phone line. 

No one believed us, because she sadly is very convincing. 

Her stories eventually wound up in a court case, and she got a 500 foot restraining order against me for " harrasment " ( I was 16.)

Thrown out of my own home, I went ot live with my grandfather: it lasted a month before he threw me out.

I had to sneak back into the house, while Mom tried to get an laywer.

We had the order broken, due to falsified evidence, but V. kept up the daily harrasment, claiming I raped her. ( I have not had sex in my life, forced or otherwise.)

We dealt with her banging on our windows, attempting to break in, and defecating in our yard.

And before anyone says it, she was...ahem..SERVICING police sexually, so they were not going to help us.

We finally moved after my grandfather died, and I was diagnoised with panic attacks and bipolar. 

So if anyone wants to know why I am like I am, know you know. 

[Neptune Vasilias 340]

The moment I forced my Dad to tell me all the things my Mom had done to me, my sister and Grandma like constantly harassing her and using my sister's college saving to buy a Mercedes Benz. I love my Grandma more than anything and when she moved I became depressed then I learned she was crying everyday because my Mom hated her being in the house my Dad built for me to go to school in the county and for her to escape the hood. She left because she was slowly dying of cancer while being harassed by my Mom and her friends through email and voice memos. Thinking about how they treated her I thought "Grandma was a better mother than the one that birthed me, my Dad lost his marriage, my sister lost a pivotal part of her future, and she doesn't care enough to continue to put money in my college fund and use it to pay off her credit card bills....fine then....firetruck her....Grandma I love you and I will see that you have justice". That day I vowed to become my Grandma's Avenger by succeceding in life without my Mother's help and getting a scholarship so my Dad can help out my sister and not me. That day the truth was told,my innocence died, my mother's only gotten worse, and I've gotten older and more perceptive of the evils a human can commit and how even if your a parent you can be a awful human being. She's done so much more that I won't tell but it's some pretty jacked up stuff. So the jist is evil mother, had to grow up early, and I live to serve my life as an Avenger first then a son

[Forever 3,550]

  Wow....I would never have guessed that you guys had pasts like these. It's sad, but at the same time so inspiring. Many of you frequent the site in such an upbeat manner....I don't understand it- but it's amazing. Keep being you...and awesome, in the process!

  I don't really have a painful past....I had a great childhood, and  aside from a rough high school life, my existence has been rather fortunate. The downer is that I just battle Depression a lot these days. It started off small: feeling a little sad, and getting over it…. until becoming very long, grunging moments of just wanting to die for little to no reason at alI. I can be absolutely fine one moment, and then in the blink of an eye, feel like leaping head first into a busy street. Just such overwhelming doubt of who I am as a person....steaming mostly from a desire to belong somewhere in the world. I can’t put my finger on it...I just hurt all the time it seems. And when I don’t, I savor the moment to do as much pointless, unproductive shit that I possibly can until  the next wave of self doubt arises. It’s like….I’m just missing something in this world. Like if I had an X-Ray and looked down at my Heart, there would be a big hole there unable to be filled. Is it God that I’m missing? I must admit, things seemed much easier when I was going to church as a kid. Hmm….is it friends? I had a lot more friends as a youngster... but in my teenage years, “friendships” were either one sided, withered  away in time, or just felt like a convenience, and nothing more. Hmmm...S@x? Nope, not that either. Being a virgin has it’s sucky moments, but their just really isn’t anyone worth throwing the spaghetti out for at this point in my life. Career? Money? Success? What makes people happy? Truly? What’s the secret to this thing called Joy? Guess that’s one reason why villains are so much more relatable, in my opinion. To me, the heroes are the one’s who seem unrealistic, and the bad guys are the one’s who are truly sympathetic...so empty inside, that the only thing that can ever grow there is resentment and pain….until it slowly devours all that is good?  I’m going to start seeing a therapist one of these days, so perhaps that’ll help.  

  BUT, At least with this place, things are a little less lonesome. in all honesty, I’ve forgotten how I lived without this place. It’s not perfect or course, but it certainly gets some good laughs out of me, from time to time…….and plenty of smiles, too.