Text Land of Nightmares *~*Book*~*

[BlackKitten 16]

~Chapter One~

 

Elizabeth, sat, Knees to her chest. She twirled her Kunai looking over The Sea of Despair. She sighed, Longing for Life to improve. Longing for her return of home. She shook her head rapidly at the thought. "No." She said, Her voice cracking. She realized. The land. That she had trained on, Lived on...Survived on, Was her home. She had now lived on The land of Nightmares for, Ten years of her life. And, She was now, Sixteen. When she was Six that is when her world started crashing. She lived on a part of earth that was never known of. It had a small tribe that was supported by only the highest of governments. They were supported by, The United States, Great Britain, Germany and China. But, During that time. The United States and Germany were at each other's throats. But, Neither one had enough soldiers to end this with a war to settle. So, The village was able to raise their children to the age of six then they were sent to the land of nightmares. Never able to return unless in a body bag or the war has ended. Elizabeth had been here for so many years, being challenged in the wilderness. She hadn't been picked to go into the war yet. Yet, It seemed everyday was a war to stay alive. Lost in her thought she heard foot steps across the cold snow, clear as day. She flinched as they came closer. She mumbled and out of the water she pulled a katana. Her eyes traced the ground as the steps came closer. She looked up and was surprised to see a human instead of an blood-thirsty animal. She looked at the human specifying whether he was indeed humane or not. He caught her eyes by a thread. "Yes, I am a human." He answered before she could even form her lips to ask. She narrowed her eyes at him as he took out his bowie. "I am Luke, Luke Johnson." He said staring across the sea. He sat down. "What is your name, Miss?" He asked swiftly. She brushed her hair out of her face threw the Kunai into the water as it made a deep purple cut that soon disappeared. "Elizabeth, Elizabeth Motorola." She said softly. She got up and walked away into the wilderness. He sighed as she walked away only to hear a deep growl. It came from the direction she went in. He got up and walked after her. Only to see, She was against a rock, Unarmed at the mercy of a Cougar. He backed up slightly. The cougar then pounced at her. Elizabeth only short time to do such she jumped on the rock and flipped frontward as the cougar went under her she went over it. She then grabbed it's fur, yanking it back over her into the ground, her landing on it's back. She whispered something and it whimpered and limped away as she got up. Luke had so many thoughts going through his head. "Who was this girl?" was the most important one. 

[Sikota Urinakano 876]

Sorry, my inner English Teacher is kicking in. I see a lot of... I guess "mistakes" would be the word, in capitalization, punctuation, and formatting. Just randomly capitalized improper nouns in the middle of sentences, what seems to be too many columns, and one block of text with what should be separate paragraphs for dialogue.

 

I'm really sorry if I sound overly critical. In a way, I guess I'm just trying to help. Ask me to specify or shut me up. The choice is yours.

[BlackKitten 16]

Oh, you don't have a reason to be sorry. I like criticism, It challenges the mind to it's most possible capacity. I'm always open to helpful tips.