I need some advice, please >.<

[waytothexdawnx 1,159]

This is long, but here it goes...

 

Okay, so my problem has been happening for a year now. It all happened with my boyfriend's sisters baby shower. They invited his ex, which I found to be extremely inappropriate, unnecessary, and awkward because they HATED her and talked so much shit on her up until that one point. His mom messaged me on FB and said "You mean the world to us. We didn't realize what we did until after. I hope you still come." and blah blah blah. I wrote her back and said "It's going to be a little awkward, but of course Im going to go and act civil. I have no reason to be mean." Well, his mother said something completely different to his ex and to the family because his ex started to write nasty Facebook statuses about me (so mature, right?), and his family started to treat me like dirt. For no reason. I find out the day before the baby shower they had a mini party with his ex and they all went out, then went back to the house and she helped decorate for the baby shower and all. Like, IM supposed to be doing that stuff. Im the girlfriend. Not his ex. He wasn't there for any of that either. He was with me. We both found out and we got really pissed off. Regardless, we were at the baby shower. His ex didn't go. It was still awkward because his sisters and Mom were treating me like crap. They didnt include me in anything and ignored me and made me stand aside while they took family pictures. I didn't talk to them for a while.

 

Then after that they kept hanging out with her. They took day trips with her, shopping, out to eat, drinks, had her over the house when me and my boyfriend weren't around. My boyfriend told them several times how uncomfortable it makes him because he doesn't like her, she's done really bad things, she's in the past and Im with him now so they should be doing things with me instead of her, and a bunch of other stuff. They never listened to him. They continued to hang out with her, and then not tell us about it. We'd find out over Facebook and stuff because they tried to sneak it.

 

Then in October, me and my boyfriend went to a concert (we got to meet Three Days Grace!) and we get back to his house and his ex is over, hanging out with one of his sisters. He was PISSED. So was I, but instead of saying anything or being mean, I acted like she wasn't even there. I talked to everybody, showed her my face to let her know she's not a threat to me, and acted very friendly. She literally backed herself into a corner, it was hilarious.

 

Then the next day his sister told me she felt really bad, she felt like an ass, it would never happen again, she wanted to get close to me… Yeah, that never happened. 2 days later they were all hanging out with his ex again.

 

What makes me mad is, they NEVER tried to get along with me. They never hung out with me, they never did anything with me. Id ask them to go shopping, or just out in general to hang out so we can get closer, and they always cancelled on me or just said "no." But they never say no to his ex. Like, what is that?? Then they started to treat my family like dirt. We'd go over for dinners for special occasions, like Christmas, and they all ignored me and my parents. For no reason.

 

Regardless of how I told them I felt, and regardless of how my boyfriend feels about it, they continued to treat me like crap and hang out with this girl. Well guess what they're doing now? They're on spring break vacation for a week in Alaska together. Yupp. My boyfriend is staying at my house. They said there is no "hidden agenda", they're not trying to break us up, its not a family vacation.. But they're literally posting pictures of themselves on FB and instagram saying "Family!!" as a caption on their photos, they didn't tell us she was going, we found out on our own… They tried to hide and sneak it. I know his family don't like me, but I don't know why. He even tried asking and never got an answer. We've been together for a year and 4 months. They tried to make him watch their dog while they vacation with his ex. He told them to get someone else to watch their dog and is staying at my house for the week.

 

And top of all of it, his ex CONSTANTLY tried to antagonize me. Me and my boyfriend went to Disney in September and his mom lent me a small purse to borrow. After the trip I posted on her wall "Thank you for the purse! I'll be over this week to give it back."… 5 minutes later his ex posts a link to his moms wall after me to Disney and says "OMG we should totally go!!" I would comment on a family picture, then she would. She wrote mean things about me, she posted things about me on instagram… She was always trying to start with me. The best part is, she cheated on my boyfriend at least twice and the one guy she cheated on him with, SHE'S STLL WITH. Im pretty sure they LIVE together. His family hates her, her own family hates her, she has no friends.. Its sad, but its her own fault. She's a really mean, nasty, ignorant person.

 

Well, this morning I get a friend request on FB from his ex. If she wanted to talk to me, she could have messaged me. She didn't. She could get my number from the family. No calls or texts. She could wait until she's back and talk to me to my FACE. She's run away from me before when she saw me in public, so I doubt that'll happen. I didn't ignore it, I didn't deny it, and I didn't accept it. I just left it hanging there. Im not sure what to do.

 

I know none of this is ever going to get fixed because his family started this, then his ex started. They're all apparently best friends and sisters now. They talked SO MUCH crap on her when me and my boyfriend started dating. They said how mean she was, how ignorant and stupid she was, how ugly and fat (which is true..) she is, how immature she is, how they hate her… But now all of a sudden since the baby shower last year, they treated me and my parents like crap and are best friends with his ex.

 

I really have no idea what to do. I have NO respect for this girl, I have NO respect for his family, I tried talking to them before, they're still disrespecting me, my boyfriend, and our relationship, his ex is still stalking my Facebook and instagram and now trying to friend request me… I really am lost in the whole situation.

 

What would you guys think, or do??

[aquaguardian 9]

First I think you should block her (your boyfriends ex). Normally I would say that is an extreme measue. But in this case I think it is warented. If you block someone they can't even see anything you post at all. Your name or page is for intents and purposes is invisible to them. Also I am sorry you are going through this.

[Orchestrafanboy19 101]

Well, this seems like a really big issue. I can't tell you how to live your life. But, I guess the only way out of this situation is to grin and bear it. Show them that this does not phase you, even though it does. Even if it takes 20 years, kill them with kindness. I've heard many accounts of people who had abusive parents/spouses/family, that eventually warmed up to them simply because they bore with their abuses. That's my only advice. Don't only look at the negative. Your boyfriend is on your side, isn't he?

[VisitJoan 2,713]

It sounds to me that his family seems to hate any girl he's dating.  As for Facebook ignore the friend request and set your stuff to friends only so she can't stalk you.

[Weiss 8,279]

I don't think you should accept the friend request. ignore it or block it. Everything else seems pretty uncontrollable right now though. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I hope it gets better.

[griann 59]

Sorry to hear that!

Just stay kind and try to make the best of it, if I understood it correct, your boyfriend is on your side right? Since they're his family it's kind of hard to erase them from your life. I don't know whether you are still in school or already done, but it might help to have a place that's not close to their house, so that you can relax or at least try to.

 

My mom didn't get along with my grandma at all, every time my dad wasn't in the room she said mean things and my mom someone managed to endure that. It also didn't help that my dad didn't believe her at first but later on he supported her. Later on my parents had to move away from them, due to my father getting a job in a city a little bit farther away and today, about 18 years later she doesn't visit my grandparents anymore. If they have to endure each other, e.g. for my sister's prom two years ago, my mom stayed kind. Just an example, I don't know if that's a possibility for you right now.

I really hope that it gets better and as for the friend request don't accept it.

[ReikuSSR 1,071]

wow... I do say it is weird to have a sudden liking for the person (Ex). It is quite an issue... I personally would still show some regards to her...that is just me

BUT I do find it quite rude they'd treat you that way. Maybe when there is those events such as Christmas and raise your voice and ask them why they are treating you the way they are. Asking them individually maybe best to avoid a conformity attack at you and maybe some of the family is only acting that way towards her out of pity. hard to say. (I'd go to the Ex, but again that is me I'm not afraid of people hating me)

[Kirie 3,489]

It seems you have a problem with your boyfriends ex, well ignore her block her and stuff. If your boy friends family doesn't like you as much as his ex ignore them. His family probably thinks bad of you, dont let your relationship end because of that if you cant take it any more. What matter is that your boy friend loves you and his family cant change that. good luck with the situation c:

[Sora'sMum 352]

Wow his family sounds like a bunch of dicks. I've got this mental image of them sitting around a table drinking tea all posh and up and themselves, going hohoho hahaha hehehe. With their pinkies pointing up of course.

[waytothexdawnx 1,159]

Sorry to hear that!

Just stay kind and try to make the best of it, if I understood it correct, your boyfriend is on your side right? Since they're his family it's kind of hard to erase them from your life. I don't know whether you are still in school or already done, but it might help to have a place that's not close to their house, so that you can relax or at least try to.

 

My mom didn't get along with my grandma at all, every time my dad wasn't in the room she said mean things and my mom someone managed to endure that. It also didn't help that my dad didn't believe her at first but later on he supported her. Later on my parents had to move away from them, due to my father getting a job in a city a little bit farther away and today, about 18 years later she doesn't visit my grandparents anymore. If they have to endure each other, e.g. for my sister's prom two years ago, my mom stayed kind. Just an example, I don't know if that's a possibility for you right now.

I really hope that it gets better and as for the friend request don't accept it.

 

 

Well, this seems like a really big issue. I can't tell you how to live your life. But, I guess the only way out of this situation is to grin and bear it. Show them that this does not phase you, even though it does. Even if it takes 20 years, kill them with kindness. I've heard many accounts of people who had abusive parents/spouses/family, that eventually warmed up to them simply because they bore with their abuses. That's my only advice. Don't only look at the negative. Your boyfriend is on your side, isn't he?

 

Yes, he is very much on my side. He hates what they're doing and he hates his ex. He's staying at my house all week and he's trying to find his own house or apartment so he doesn't have to be around any of it anymore.

 

Thank you, to everyone, for the advice so far. I'll just block her on Facebook. I was going to say something, like message her without adding her, but I know it won't work. My Mom even told me to just ignore it and not say anything. She's not worth it and neither is his family. Me and my boyfriend are just trying to move on and ignore all of them. 

[WhiteCrow 55]

That is a really hard situation... I agree with the advice everyone has already given you. If your boyfriend is on your side, and he hates what his parents are doing, then it's settled. Don't push yourself and don't try to be nice to his parents. Treat them the same way they treat you. In time, I guess they will grow up and accept the fact that you are "family" now.

But what do I, a Finnish brat know about life. Gah...

[TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689]

I don't know what her being fat has to do with anything...