Text Kingdom Hearts In School (Chacter Roles)

[Nianna 0]

Disclamer: I OWN NOTHING OF KINGDOME HEARTS!

 

 

Nianna/Naixnna is mine.

 

Rixku  belongs to William (Named Curently)  Prevusly know as Rixku, and before that, Antinobody.

 

 

A/N/: For the hell of it, I gave all of the characters last names. Those are mine, the last names. But I decided it was not needed that I give the Lunch person and Janitors last neames... (Mainly because I couldn't think of some...Have any ideas, let me know. Please???) Anyway. This is just the roles they will be playing in the story. If anyone likes the idea, then I will figure out how to post the first chapter.... Or story, haven't decided on that part yet...

 

 

On to the mane reason I made this.

 

 

 

Teachers

 

 

Math: Xigbar Parsons.

Science/Chemestry: Vexen Camble (It sounds funny... but creepy! Say "Mr. Camble" in a low, scary sort of voice...And there you go! Creepy!)

Social Studies/History: Xemnas Manson

Reading/Language Arts: Saix Sparks

Computer: DiZ (He never gave his last name...)

Spanish: Ansem Rodriguez (Well.. He IS suposed to be spanish.)

Chinese: Riku Hikari

Music: Demyx Heart

 

 

Others

 

 

Lunch Person: Larxcene

Janitors: Marluxia and Xaldin

Librarian: Zexion Brookes

Consuler: Aqua Splicer

 

 

 

Students

 

 

Sora Doubt - 6th

Ventus Doubt - 6th

Kiri - 6th

Naixnna Goodwell - 7th

Rixku Hakari - 7th

Lea Santiago - 7th

Axel Santiago - 8th

Isa Sparks - 8th

Roxas Doubt - 8th

Vanitus Doubt - 8th

Namine - 8th

 

 

 

One more thing. The plot is actualy very simple. Just some normal school, with the normal drama (some over dramatic) the normal jelosy, feild trips, fights, ect. You name it, It will be he here! _{Hopefuly. If anyone is interested in it....}

 

 

 

 

Tell me what you think of it, please?

 

 

 

 

[Dracozombie 4,554]

One more thing. The plot is actualy very simple. Just some normal school, with the normal drama (some over dramatic) the normal jelosy, feild trips, fights, ect. You name it, It will be he here! _{Hopefuly. If anyone is interested in it....}

 

 

 

 

Tell me what you think of it, please?

 

I'll be blunt for this one.  You may think it's harsh, but I'm a crotchety old fart, so I think it's just blunt.

 

1: Work on your spelling.

2: Your concept is no different or creative than the thousands of other high school AUs in KH that have approximately zero elements from the source material aside from canon characters, who may or may not behave something akin to their original counterparts.

3: Speaking of the characters, the last names and most of their roles are ridiculous.  What kind of a last name is "Doubt?"  I can buy Aqua as a consuler counselor and Zexion as a librarian.  I refuse to picture Larxene as a lunch lady and Xaldin as a janitor, and as for Ansem?  Where do you get the idea he's Spanish?  Dark skin=Spanish?

4. Why is Riku a teacher, but the rest of Sora's gang students?  Is he a student teacher?  And why are Somebodies and Nobodies separate people?

 

I have nothing else to say because you haven't given me anything else to comment on.  I can understand you have a concept you wanna work with but you're not sure about the plot thing.  It's just that the concept you do have is, well... see #2.  I've been on the fanfiction circuit for years, and KH is my main fandom at the moment.  Believe me when I say you won't stand out.  On fanfiction.net, KH has the largest number of fics in the Games section, and a significant number of them are concepts remarkably similar to yours.  The fact that I've caught multiple spelling errors in your post sends me warning flags in and of itself.

 

And don't think your fan character/self-insert will do much to help your fic.  That's not necessarily an attack on your character, but when people read fanfics, they usually read it for the canon characters, not characters you made up.  It doesn't matter how well-developed the character might be because it's not what most fanfic writers are interested in reading about.  And going back to the "years of fanfiction reading under my belt" thing, as well as my time in the KH fandom, your fan character already sounds like [n]th member of Organization XIII that people will dismiss as a Mary Sue just out of the principle of being overdone.  Xion is hated for a reason, but then again, Xion is a canon character and can get away with stuff like that.  Your character can't.

 

I strongly suggest you take a look at the heartless_fics sporking crew to see what you shouldn't do.  You should learn good habits as early as you can, and fanfic sporkers are a great place to learn what not to do.  http://heartless-fics.dreamwidth.org/

[Roxas Seeking Light 93]

Well...... it definitely looks like you put some time into this at least..

[VisitJoan 2,713]

I know what to do during lunch - FOOD FIGHT!

[Jason1 105]

I love this haha!  I also love the roles you've made for all the characters.   

 

I know what to do during lunch - FOOD FIGHT!

 

^^ There we goo! 

 

Imagine Larxene having to deal with that haha

[Shera Wizard 2,736]

Janitors: Xaldin and Marluxia.

 

I kinda fell down laughing

 

But good job

[dusk 910]

Sorry buddy, but I'm pretty confident that you WILL NOT, stand out from others fan fictions with this set up. The AU can be done well, but using the most used thing in history of AU fan fictions and putting characters to roles that they don't fit (Like why to put Ansem to Spanish teacher, or Riku as Chinese teacher) to and why would you give those weird second names to characters? Funny that you say DiZ when we know that he is Ansem The Wise..  And yes, putting own characters who will either stick out too much or just being plainly bad isn't good idea.

 

I would continue this, but I don't have time nor interest to bash people. Putting aside your grammar you should either put some focus on making AU where characters actually have roles which fir their personalities and interests or just make more original idea. 

[Jason1 105]

Write the story you want and have been inspired to write, no matter what anyone thinks of it.  There's no "correct" way to write a story

[Dracozombie 4,554]

Write the story you want and have been inspired to write, no matter what anyone thinks of it.  There's no "correct" way to write a story

 

There's no correct way to write a story, but there are ways to write it that will get you and your skills made fun of.

[Obi-wan 411]

There's no correct way to write a story, but there are ways to write it that will get you and your skills made fun of.

That doesn't mean you have to bash her. If people just told her what they didn't really like she could change it if she wanted and sometimes you get ideas for stories no one else would like but you have to write them down anyways. 

[Dracozombie 4,554]

That doesn't mean you have to bash her. If people just told her what they didn't really like she could change it if she wanted and sometimes you get ideas for stories no one else would like but you have to write them down anyways. 

 

I'm not gonna bash her; I already told her what needed to be improved in my original post.  That doesn't mean other people will be as nice.  And if you have an idea no one would like but insist on showing it anyway, then get ready for what happens.