The Reason I Went Away for Two years.

[Oblivion 15]

It all began on my sojourn to the bathroom at 3 a.m. It just so happened that the night before I had - and it is indeed embarassing to admit - drunk far too much. The effects on that poor choice hit around the hour I woke up.

I only detail this part, because it is absolutely integral to the story of my 2 year hiatus.

Presently I moved towards the bathroom in my house, my cat following dilligently, either because he's afraid to stay in my room alone, he's perverted, or he honestly thinks I'm going to feed him at this hour.

I flick on the bathroom light.

And am blinded by an unholy light that bursts forth. I mean, I know I came from a dark place, but this light was unnatural. Let me be the first to tell you that such light is not a harbringer of good feelings, no matter it's connotations... anyone living in Hiroshima on that fateful August 6th would tell you so.

And suddenly.

Suddenly.

I am on a stained glass platform. All the people I love in my life are depicted on it. Spotlights illuminate sections of the glass, and white feathers cascade through the pillars of light. Soft, fateful choral accompaniament follows.

Guys.

 

Guys.

 

No, seriously,

 

But

 

I'm just-

 

Guys, really-

 

Just listen-

 

STOP THE GIGGLING. DON'T CLOSE THE THREAD. I have a story to tell, and if I'm going to suffer through your sissy "I had to attend a sibling's soccer game," or "I was hospitalized for meningitis," right, okay, well, you're going to damn well listen to me.

 

SO. At this point I start to get a little freaked out man. I mean, you may have noticed that I had not actually gotten to use the bathroom for it's intended purpose. And I don't care who you are, you don't just go peeing on stained glass. Um, hello, class? Especially if the said glass depicts people you know. There's just something wrong with that.

 

So here I am, trying to decide whether I love my Grandpa Bill or Aunt Kelly less, when some deep, inner being speaks. It doesn't speak, per se... there was no sound, nothing to see, and neither did I hear the words in my head... it was implied. It's will was imposed in urges, in emotions, in actions.

 

Immediately, I found myself with a key in hand-

 

Okay, seriously, I am NOT enjoying your freaking negative response on this, okay? I don't care if it's cliche, because cliches exist because they are true, they happen with notable frequency, and I impress upon you that THIS. HAPPENED.

 

And the, well, at the risk of sounding like a stoner, the vibrations in the room let me know how right this moment was. How fated. How destined. I held within me the key to open all doors, the pathways between the hearts of the inhabitants of all the worlds, the essence of light itself-

 

and my god, the primal need to piss like a racehorse.

 

At this point I can't really translate the vibes into anything like "oh, there's a port-a-potty to your right", because literally every vibe in me is screaming for me to relieve myself.

 

At this point my shadow elongates, stretches... because, of course, the closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes... it coats the surface of the glass platform, becomes knee-deep, black and oily like a beetle carapace. Suddenly, it wrenches itself into a third dimension and begins to gain height so that it towers over me; it becomes a colossus, with a huge base, and some kind of tank attached to its back. It's mouth flaps up and down manically. It makes constant gurgling noises.

 

And suddenly.

 

Suddenly.

 

The shape becomes recognizable.

 

It is some kind of shadow toilet. Come from the depths of the black recesses of my heart to.... to... to....

 

FLUSH me.

 

It is with deepest regrets that I don't include my exclamation at this point. I HAVE been gone for two years, and I'm not up to date on website cleanliness policy. Toilets aside, of course. I would also like to give a brief respite for the mandatory "Ha, Oblivion, you're so full of crap, lol" jokes.

 

There.

 

All done?

 

We return to our story presently.

 

I skip over the details of the fight, for brevity's sake. Just imagine a mixture of expert, yet impromptu keyblade weilding blended with periodic potty-dances. Set to a soundtrack of angry gurgles. With my luck, this thing is clogged.

 

After it fades into the floor, I find that it is spreading; there isn't a way to avoid it; there isn't even some trick like quicksand has to get out. I was doomed, swallowed... but, the shadow not retaining its earlier.... form.... I had not yet lost my dignity, I am happy to report.

 

And suddenly, H-bomb brightness once again. My eyes sting. My limbs ache. My lower half is frantic with biological necessity.

 

Back in my bed.

 

I leap out, pleased that I could now release the fire building inside of me. And at the entrance to the bathroom, I pause.

 

My cat is sitting in the doorway. He looks at me like he is dead inside. He murmurs what I imagine to be my name.

 

"Mrrrroww."

 

"Look, I'll feed you, but I have-"

 

Suddenly, attack! He flies at me, and I flinch. Nothing, though. No sensation. He's gone.

 

I write it off because its seriously an emergency now, and give thanks to the gods that helped me not to pee myself during the assault.

 

I don't find it necessary to detail the following process, but I mention it due to one important plot thread that happened in the midst of it- the house shook.

 

Rushing out, finally ready to face what came next, I went outside.

 

Look you guys its really honestly late so if anyone at all notices this maybe I'll be compelled to put the next part of my story up. Sorry for going missing for two years. Be glad I got over the fact that my thread was moved to the "Best of KH13" and I wasn't even allowed the dignity of posting on it...

[Aqua7KH 5,395]

Welcome back....?

[Weiss 8,279]

Welcome back

[PillowHead 569]

I couldn't be more confused right now.

[VanitasisKirby 1,227]

Well, at least you're back!

 

 

welcome back

 

Edited November 23, 2012 by VanitasisKirby

[khoathkeeper13 429]

Welcome back~

You should really add more to this

Edit: 1000 posts... woo~

Edited November 23, 2012 by khoathkeeper13

[Kinode 3,056]

hi

[Kirie 3,489]

Oh hai welcome back

[Xalaru 445]

Trying to determine whether I'm still dreaming, having just apparently woken up to this. :L

And I thought my dream was confusing.

 

Anyway, welcome back.

[Master Keeper 687]

Welcome back

[Silent 824]

the cat is xehanort.

[OthersiderME 614]

Trying to determine whether I'm still dreaming, having just apparently woken up to this. :L

And I thought my dream was confusing.

 

Anyway, welcome back.

 

of course! kh13 is happy to be more confusing than anything else. especially your dreams.

[Weedanort 8,786]

Oh, you're back Oblivion, that thread was awesome

 

Welcome back

[Sora96 17,256]

You were gone for two years?

 

[LibertaerGER 5]

Presently I moved towards the bathroom in my house, my cat following dilligently, either because he's afraid to stay in my room alone, he's perverted, or he honestly thinks I'm going to feed him at this hour.

Everything abnormal is at least perverted if you live in the US. Me too. I don't beleave in the god of big government.

[King Riku 2,063]

Well, welcome back then. That must have been one hell of a trip o.o

[Roxas Seeking Light 93]

Hmm. Sounds like you really drank too much!

[Elijah Gravenhorst 480]

Hangovers are the worst. Am I right?

[Oishii 3,987]

Reasons why I love KH13:

*Member gives a heroic yet hilarious tale why he was gone for 2 years*

Forum's reaction: "Oh, ok, welcome back."

 

A normal day on the forums

(Welcome back, btw)

[Chronic Tumor 149]

you know, urine, being yellow like the sun, would be a powerful weapon against these dastardly enemies.

Of course, if you're not man enough to "wield" it then that's another story

[Geralt 4,874]

Oblivion....Oblivion....I reckon that name Welcome back!

[_The Door To Light_ 1,507]

O hi.

[DragonMaster 1,166]

That avatar... Yes, I remember you. Welcome back.

 

Also, you really should feed that cat...

[Rizzyy 736]

sounds like someone had a bit to much LSD