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Your Favorite Quotes From An Abridged Series

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(None Piece Abridged)

 

Nami: Can you see down my shirt?

 

Luffy: No! 

Nami: How about now? *Leans down*

 

Luffy: ...

 

Nami: Can you do me a favor?

 

Luffy: As long as I don't have to get roped into anything stupid.

 

*Nami ties up Luffy*

 

Luffy: Wow! I actually felt myself die a little inside! ... Wait are we married?

 

*pause*

 

Nami: BARK LIKE A DOG!

 

*Later*

 

*Nami brings Luffy to Buggy Pirates*

 

Nami: Best honeymoon ever.

 

Luffy: ... Kill me.

 

Nami: Oh pay him no mind *whispers* unless you want to die. *blows raspberries*

 

Luffy: *puts gun to head* DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--!!!

Edited by Firaga Sensei

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(DragonBall Z Abridged Episode 43)

 

Nail: Oh-oh God. I think I'm gonna puke!

 

Piccolo: You can't puke, you're in my-

 

*Nail pukes*

 

Kami: Oh good Lord, its everywhere! 

 

=======================================

 

Cell: Of all pe-*spits out pacifier* ... Oh, that is just embarrassing! That's not even the right hole...

 

=======================================

 

Cell: Huh, faster than me? That could be a slight pain in the ass. But--

 

*Piccolo kicks him in the ass*

 

Cell: AGH, my ass butt!

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Gohan: Why does it feel like my dad is fighting Mr. Piccolo...? And Vegeta is fighting Mr. Piccolo...? And Mr. Piccolo is fighting Mr. Piccolo...?

 

Krillin: That's weird. It feels like I'm out there.

 

Gohan: It feels like everyone we know is fighting Mr. Piccolo...

 

Krillin: Except for Yamcha.

 

Yamcha: Well duh, that's because I'm right here!

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IT'S OVER 9000!!!!

 

Oh wait..that was the actual dub....

 

Nappa: Vegeta, what does the scouter says about this power level?

 

Vegeta: It's.... 1006.

 

Nappa: Really?

 

Vegeta: Yeah! Kick his ass, Nappa.

 

Nappa: Yay! Ahh-- 

 

*Nappa gets his ass kicked*

 

Vegeta: Hmm... wait, Nappa!

 

Nappa: *gets tossed back* Whaaaat?

 

Vegeta: I had the scouter upside own. Its over 9000... Rah.

 

Nappa: Why do you sound so bored?

 

Vegeta: Because its still not a threat.

 

Nappa: But--

 

Vegeta: To me.

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Cell:  So, Piccolo, what brings you to MY neighborhood?

 

Piccolo:  I sensed a disturbance.

 

Cell:  Well I am pretty disturbing!  Remember the time I drank that guy?  That was ****ing weird.

 

Piccolo:  So I take it you're the one who exterminated this entire city then.

 

Cell:  Oh no no that was another guy.  His name was **it Sherlock, first name No.

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(from DBZA Episode 44)

 

Cell: Alright... so South City is to the north, North City is to the west, and West City is... also to the north. Where the f*ck am I?

 

===================================

 

Cell: (along with coach on horn) Beep.... beep. Beep. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeep!!

 

*moments later* Cell: Beep beep! *captures Coach*

 

===================================

 

Vegeta: You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!

 

Trunks: He fused with Kami so he could be become stronger.

 

Vegeta: The f*ck's a Kami?

 

Krillin: Basically God.

 

Vegeta: But I'm still here!

 

Trunks: Do you really believe your own hype that much?

 

Vegeta: I AM THE HYPE!!

 

===================================

 

Piccolo: More importantly, there's a new threat: another android created by Dr. Gero.

 

*dramatic shock sequence*

 

Vegeta: Do I hear five?!

 

===================================

 

Master Roshi: (about Goku sleeping) I wonder what's he dreamin' about?

 

*enter Goku's dream*

 

Pirate Goku: Yay, I'm Pirate Goku! *looks like Luffy from One Piece* Are you ready for an adventure, Sword Guy Piccolo?

 

Sword Guy Piccolo: *looks like Zoro from One Piece* Uh, actually, I think you need to wake up, the androids--

 

Pirate Goku: Wait! Look! Its Ninja Goku! *Goku who looks like Naruto appears*

 

Ninja Goku: Hey Pirate Goku! Let's go on an adventure!

 

Pirate Goku: Yeah!!

 

Goku: ... Yea...

 

===================================

 

Piccolo: So yeah, that's basically it in a nutshell.

 

Krillin: You mean a nut-Cell--

 

All: Shut up!

 

===================================

 

Piccolo: *to Tien* So, now that I have the chance to say this, um... I'm sorry my dad killed Chiaotzu.

 

Tien: ...

 

Nail: ... Aaaand you made it awkward.

 

===================================

 

Trunks: *about Baby Cell* Technically, it's never done anything wrong. So, doesn't it have a right to life?

 

Krillin: This isn'a about a right to life; its about making a choice. A choice we both need to make. A choice between a terrible mistake that can ruin lives and-f*ck it, I'm dropping the pretenses, we're aborting Cell. *destroys Baby Cell*

 

===================================

 

Piccolo: Nothing but clothes with stab marks. Cell's calling card.

 

Tien: Aw, dammit. He killed my star battle-back. My entire fantasy team just went straight to Hell.

 

Piccolo: Are you serious?

 

Tien: What? I have hobbies.

 

Piccolo: Pfft. No you don't.

 

(There's literally a bunch more, trust me. xD)

Edited by Firaga Sensei

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"Soooooo puuuuuumped!" 

 

"Ever heard of prostitution?" "Can I stab people with prostitution?" "You can do it with your penis!" 

 

"I'm sorry... I am not cleaning this up."

 

"I want my damn animal crackers!"

 

"You gotta stay pumped and reach for the top... and grab... all... dem... titties... or else you're a faggot..."

 

"Oops! Butterfingers!"

Edited by Firaga Sensei

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"Soooooo puuuuuumped!" 

 

"Ever heard of prostitution?" "Can I stab people with prostitution?" "You can do it with your penis!" 

 

"I'm sorry... I am not cleaning this up."

 

"I want my damn animal crackers!"

 

"You gotta stay pumped and reach for the top... and grab... all... dem... titties... or else you're a gentleman..."

 

"Oops! Butterfingers!"

The prostitution line was going to be my next choice xD

 

"Generic childhood friend who was a girl... We were supposed to go out and see the world together..."

 

"Myyyy naaaaame is Tatsumi! And I'm gonna become the greatest general ever! Believe it! I'll also go and find the One Piece, and share all the wealth with my village."

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“Knock knock…!" “Who’s th-I JUST F*CKED YOUR MOTHER!”
 
"I love fang shu-y." "Feng shui." "Faaaaang shu-y." "Feng shui." "Faaaang shu-ay." "Feng shui." "Hong Kong Fooey." "Look, you're never gonna get this right, just stop."
 
"Very impressive students, David Bowie." "Thank you. I spend hours teaching them jackshit."
 
"... Rhetorical questi-""Pussy aaaaass!" "Grrrr!!"
 
"Surprisingly, I wasn't expecting a f*cking hill to sprout legs and come help me out."
 
"I'm gooooing ghooooooost!!"
Edited by Firaga Sensei

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Female Vampire: Oh, uh, oh yes! I love you Edward!

 

Edward: And I… love you… Bella! [knocking on door]

 

Edward: Hold on. Who is it?

 

Alucard: Oh, you know... [shoots through the door, kills Edward, and withdraw his gun] ... a real f*ckin' vampire!

------------------------------------------------

 

Sir Integra Hellsing: What “things”? You don’t do “things”.

 

Alucard: Yes, I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods.

 

Sir Integra Hellsing: And kill homicidal vampire priests? 

 

Alucard: Very enthusiastic walks.

--------------------------------------------------

 

Police Girl: What do I do?! WHAT DO I DO?! I… I could try seducing him… wait, no! I’m not an eight-year old boy! Shit!

--------------------------------------------------

 

Anderson: What the hell do you want, you crazy protestant bastard?

 

Sir Integra Hellsing: I’m a woman.

 

Anderson: Call yourself whatever you want, you crazy protestant bastard.

--------------------------------------------------

 

Alucard: Are they hookers?

 

Sir Integra: No.

 

Alucard: And like that, you've lost me.

--------------------------------------------------

 

Alucard: Get that bitch a cannon -- bitches love cannons.

--------------------------------------------------

 

Alucard: ... Really? Really.

 

Luke Valentine: Really.

 

Alucard: Really?

 

Luke Valentine: Really!

 

Alucard: Really?!

 

Luke Valentine: Really!!

 

Alucard: Release Restraint, level one.

-----------------------------------------------

 

Alucard: What's wrong demi-god? Just grow back your legs, (As he SMASHES the leg in his hand!) summon up your demons, hit me; FIGHT ME!!! Give me a hug~!

 

(There's so many more but yeah.)

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Dr. Briefs: Of course he had a sub lab. We all have sub labs. Where do you think I keep your mother's clones?

 

Bulma: Mom's what?!

 

Dr. Briefs: Don't go in the basement.

 

===========================

 

Krillin: Well, Piccolo and the others are still searching for Cell.

 

*goes to Piccolo and Tien in amsument park*

 

Piccolo: How are all these rides still running?!

 

Tien: Why are the clothes still on them...?

 

Piccolo: This is supposed to be a place of fun!

 

*back to Krillin*

 

Krillin: ... And Trunks went out to find Vegeta.

 

*goes to Trunks and Vegeta in wastelands*

 

Trunks: NOTICE ME!

 

Vegeta: ... NO!

 

===========================

 

Chi-Chi: ... But I want you to promise me one... thing...

 

Goku: ... Okay... what's that-

 

Chi-Chi: I want another baby!

 

Goku: Hmm, hmm... k, bye! *teleports away*

 

Master Roshi: Uh... was that a yes?

 

Chi-Chi: It wasn't a noooo...

 

Master Roshi: Hmm, hmm... k bye.

 

===========================

 

Goku: ... But you know what they say, Vegeta: when you fall off that horse, you get right back up... and you eat that horse. Come eat that horse with me, Vegeta!

 

Vegeta: What the hell are you on about?!

 

===========================

 

Trunks: ... I need time! Time to adjust, time to-

 

Vegeta: TRAINING BEGINS NOW! *smacks Trunks*

 

Trunks: Ow!!

 

Vegeta: ... You weren't ready.

 

Trunks: Uggh...

Edited by Firaga Sensei

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