How Far I've Come

[Koko 3,944]

I just have this overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment and pure joy that I just need to kind of ramble about this so.

 

About around September of last year, we got a scale.

I stepped onto the scale and I swear I was going to burst into tears sobbing because of how disgusted I was.

I was disgusted and horrified and I hated myself so much.

I decided to lose weight.

So I started eating a bit better and started exercising a bit by playing Just Dance for a while with my family.

I lost like 10 lbs right off the bat. Felt pretty good.

But after a while I stopped losing any weight at all. I hit a plateau.

I kept up with my a bit healthier eating habits and daily exercise, so I didn't fain any, I just stayed there.

I guess around February, I got into thinspo.

Because of thinspo, I slowly started eating less. And less. And less. And I became obsessed with counting how many calories I had. I went days straight having about 300 calories. I would eat and then I would work my ass off doing something to burn them off. And when I would indulge in anything, I would be ashamed. When I would binge, it was the worst firetrucking feeling in the world. I even started the ABC diet which is very high risk pro ana diet that is supposed to trick your body so it won't go into starvation mode.

I lost 5 more pounds during this time.

And then one day, looking through thinspo, I decided it was enough.

I did not want to be thin and frail and pale and weak and ruin my body for the sake of being thin.

I decided to eat better completely, still did cardio at home by playing Just Dance and that was until mid march.

I turned to fitspo then.

I decided that I was going to make an even bigger effort to get into better shape.

I even made a fitspo blog solely for inspiration to keep going. And let me tell you, the fitspo community is the best firetrucking community ever.

So I started a fitspo blog and I started eating even better, and although I'm still a bit obsessed with counting calories (I have a habit of not eating until I put it into myfitnesspal) it's only because I'm making sure that I get at least 1200 calories a day. I joined a gym and I've been going 4-5 days out of the week, working my ass off, running on the treadmill and then working with a trainer to get toned and strong. I've grown to love exercise. I've grown to love food instead of hating it and seeing it as something that will make me fat. I love food and I love eating healthily and I love my new lifestyle. And I love the fitspo community and the inspiration I see everyday when I go through my fitspo blog and I smile whenever I see someone blog about how much closer they are to their goals.

 

And today, I realized how close I am to my own goal.

Today, I finally fitted into my size 3 jeans. And that made me realize just how far I've come. Even though I tried to starve myself, even though sometimes I wanted to give up, even though some days I would binge and eat a bunch of crap and feel awful about, I've still gotten to this point.

It made me realize what a difference this has made for me. How much happier I am. How much I love my body, despite the fact that it's not quite where I want it to be, but it will be and I love my body because it's the only one I'm going to get so I'm going to make the most of it.

I’m so close to a healthy weight range, I’m just off by a few pounds and I don’t care if I’m technically still overweight because I know that I am healthier than I was before. I know that I’m healthier than I was before. I know that I’m in more shape than I was before. I know that I’m not fat.

I’m not fat and I’m not unhealthy, I am healthy and a happy and it’s just really overwhelming to realize that about a year ago, today, I was 20+ heavier and couldn’t run for more than 5 minutes without getting out of breath while now I can almost complete a 5K without feeling winded at all and now I love to run and just want to run all the time. And I just want to keep getting in better shape and loving my body and eating well because it makes me happy.

The decision I made to finally get in shape has been the best I’ve ever made.

[HarLea Quinn 26,501]

First off .congrats.. Secondly , You do know size 3 would be considered thin by most everyone ? So im wondering what your target size is. Im a size 0/1 and im underweight due to my crohns.. I hope that you dont want to go lower in size bc too thin isnt healthy either .I wish i could put on a few pounds if anything .

[Rob 5,571]

Congrats Koko. Losing weight like a BOSS!

[FireRubies1 1,325]

I'm getting all emotional now.

I think you are inspiring me to lose weight

(I need it more than you ever did )

[Koko 3,944]

  On 5/3/2012 at 3:43 AM, 'axel_lea_lives_on' said:

First off .congrats.. Secondly , You do know size 3 would be considered thin by most everyone ? So im wondering what your target size is. Im a size 0/1 and im underweight due to my crohns.. I hope that you dont want to go lower in size bc too thin isnt healthy either .I wish i could put on a few pounds if anything .

 

It doesn't matter to me what size I am, it just felt good that I had slimmed down enough to fit in them.

I am in no way thin, size 3 or not. I don't have a target size, but my target weight is 110, which is right in the range I'm supposed to be. But if I'm happy with how I look at 120 or any other weight, I'll stop there (losing weight that is, I don't think I'll ever stop trying to get stronger and fitter and yeaaaah).

[HarLea Quinn 26,501]

  On 5/3/2012 at 3:53 AM, 'Goddess Koko' said:

It doesn't matter to me what size I am, it just felt good that I had slimmed down enough to fit in them.

I am in no way thin, size 3 or not. I don't have a target size, but my target weight is 110, which is right in the range I'm supposed to be. But if I'm happy with how I look at 120 or any other weight, I'll stop there (losing weight that is, I don't think I'll ever stop trying to get stronger and fitter and yeaaaah).

 

Well thats great . Im happy to hear that you love your body and that you feel so healthy and strong...You worked hard and you deserve it .Be proud Edited May 3, 2012 by axel_lea_lives_on

[Cricket 1,180]

Congratulations Koko. I know you worked so hard and I'm so glad that you finally are able to accept your body image, because you are beautiful no matter how you look. I'm glad you chose a healthy life style and that you are not like other girls and want to be ultra thin and I'm proud you found a reliable community to help keep up with your progress alongside others as well. Loving yourself and your image is one of the first things to happiness.

[Koko 3,944]

  On 5/3/2012 at 7:36 AM, 'Cricket' said:

Congratulations Koko. I know you worked so hard and I'm so glad that you finally are able to accept your body image, because you are beautiful no matter how you look. I'm glad you chose a healthy life style and that you are not like other girls and want to be ultra thin and I'm proud you found a reliable community to help keep up with your progress alongside others as well. Loving yourself and your image is one of the first things to happiness.

 

Thank you Cricket

Also, on an unrelated note, I don't believe you were around when I addressed this but I don't identify as a girl anymore, I identify as genderqueer so I like gender neutral pronouns and terms

[Leaxel 178]

That's great happy for you!

I was like a chubby kid like 9 months and then I realized how good salad is and I got myself a bike that I used everyday, I also stopped eating fast food. and now I am pretty average looking and not really overweight. Oh and last Christmas like half my family almost didn't recognized me. Feels great to achieve a body you are happy with.

[Koko 3,944]

  On 5/3/2012 at 1:34 PM, 'Leaxel' said:

That's great happy for you!

I was like a chubby kid like 9 months and then I realized how good salad is and I got myself a bike that I used everyday, I also stopped eating fast food. and now I am pretty average looking and not really overweight. Oh and last Christmas like half my family almost didn't recognized me. Feels great to achieve a body you are happy with.

 

This this this

 

Salad is great oh my god. I cut fast food from my diet too and I do lots of strength and toning exercises (and lift some weights) so I'm seeing muscle development too which is pretty great

[JesusFreak 41]

Congrats Koko!! That's absolutely fantastic. (:

 

I've been sort of off my game with exercising and eating healthy for about two months. I've finally started back up again and I've never felt better. For the past couple of months that I've slacked off, I gained 5+ pounds. Now that I've been exercising and eating better I've lost those pounds and getting back to reaching my goal. Only 10 more pounds to go. And after reading this, I've definitely feel inspired to workout a lot more and eat even healthier so thank you. Keep doing what you're doing. (: