I feel sort of betrayed

[Think Pink 1,967]

I don't even know what to say. I don't feel like writing a big explanation either, I think I'm going to start crying if I do. Amanda comes up to me and tells me oh-so-happily, hey, guess what, I'm pregnant! Just like that. I can't even believe this. They're not even MARRIED yet. I don't want a step-sibling or whatever it's going to be. I feel like they've totally in every way betrayed me, especially since it wasn't even my Dad who told me! I'm just so frustrated I don't even know what to say.

[eraldaine 89]

Your parents seeing someone else is always-- difficult, to take in for a start. Adding another kid into the picture makes it a lot harder. But taking a deep breath, lets step outside your frame of thought, take a look at the opposing sides, yeah?

 

For Amanda, this is probably better for her than a wedding. Having a child is always an amazing occasion, and with your father? Likely, she's feeling a good sense that she's going to be very established in the family now. That she's an effective part of it, will be making an addition to it-- this is clearly something she's going to be excited for, something she'll want to share.

 

For your father... perhaps the simple fact is he was a little scared to tell you. Likely, he knows you better than Amanda. He doesn't want you to feel how you are now, or that this would make you any less his child. There's a lot of thoughts, assumptions, and angles you could come across when thinking about both their positions right now.

 

My only suggestion is give them a chance. Take a deep breath, and see how it goes from here. This does not automatically state that you are cared less for, so stay calm, wait and see. You could have more involvement in this than you know, and you know? You could come to love the idea.

[Think Pink 1,967]

Your parents seeing someone else is always-- difficult, to take in for a start. Adding another kid into the picture makes it a lot harder. But taking a deep breath, lets step outside your frame of thought, take a look at the opposing sides, yeah?

 

For Amanda, this is probably better for her than a wedding. Having a child is always an amazing occasion, and with your father? Likely, she's feeling a good sense that she's going to be very established in the family now. That she's an effective part of it, will be making an addition to it-- this is clearly something she's going to be excited for, something she'll want to share.

 

For your father... perhaps the simple fact is he was a little scared to tell you. Likely, he knows you better than Amanda. He doesn't want you to feel how you are now, or that this would make you any less his child. There's a lot of thoughts, assumptions, and angles you could come across when thinking about both their positions right now.

 

My only suggestion is give them a chance. Take a deep breath, and see how it goes from here. This does not automatically state that you are cared less for, so stay calm, wait and see. You could have more involvement in this than you know, and you know? You could come to love the idea.

 

I guess I can see her point of view, but I have told her point blank I will never accept her as my mom, the way she thinks she is. And then I can't get out of my head thinking of how this happened, my Dad and Amanda. My brothers and I would have been in the house and just... ugh. I mean, I've wanted a sibling since I was little, but I didn't want it like this.

[HarLea Quinn 26,501]

maybe she thought she was sharing something special with you woman to woman. Babie are a blessing trust me i come from a huge family and the age range is hilarious.You might not see it now but this baby could end up being very special to you/close with you .

[Think Pink 1,967]

maybe she thought she was sharing something special with you woman to woman. Babie are a blessing trust me i come from a huge family and the age range is hilarious.You might not see it now but this baby could end up being very special to you/close with you .

 

I'm not gonna hate the baby, but I sure as hell hate Amanda a thousand times more. I mean, they're not even married, for God's sake.

[Sora's Baby 729]

I known how you feel, I really do. My best adivice for you is that you try to make the best of it and that you never blame this child that's comeing into the world.

[baylaust 2,531]

It's like I said the last time this whole thing was going on. If you feel uncomfortable with things, talk to your dad or talk to Amanda, but in the end, it's their choice of what they want to do with their lives. If they want to have a child now, it's their choice. They weren't doing this as an attempt to betray you, and you shouldn't assume that everything they do is a betrayal against you. They should be allowed to be happy without having to answer to you, even if that's not what you want to hear.

 

She's about to be a mother, and she has the right to be excited about it. At least make an attempt to be happy for her and your dad. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

[Think Pink 1,967]

It's like I said the last time this whole thing was going on. If you feel uncomfortable with things, talk to your dad or talk to Amanda, but in the end, it's their choice of what they want to do with their lives. If they want to have a child now, it's their choice. They weren't doing this as an attempt to betray you, and you shouldn't assume that everything they do is a betrayal against you. They should be allowed to be happy without having to answer to you, even if that's not what you want to hear.

 

She's about to be a mother, and she has the right to be excited about it. At least make an attempt to be happy for her and your dad. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

 

I know, but it just feels like she's crowding in too much. She's still going on and on like she thinks she can replace my real mom. And then on that moral level, they weren't married and it feels like my Dad just forgot everything about my mom. He doesn't even talk about her.

[eraldaine 89]

I guess I can see her point of view, but I have told her point blank I will never accept her as my mom, the way she thinks she is. And then I can't get out of my head thinking of how this happened, my Dad and Amanda. My brothers and I would have been in the house and just... ugh. I mean, I've wanted a sibling since I was little, but I didn't want it like this.

 

You know, it's usually quite surprising, but step parents aren't always trying to take over a role that someone else has been loved for. Are you the only girl of the household, aside from her? Very likely, she would love a relationship with you that's on good grounds-- it doesn't mean she has to be your mother. Just that she'd like to be someone you could talk to.

 

As for how the child came to be? Pretty sure the bird's and bees is...something that happens in life, I'm afraid. Either groan, laugh, or ignore it, but likely your suspicions on that one are correct. That's just adults being adults.

[Think Pink 1,967]

You know, it's usually quite surprising, but step parents aren't always trying to take over a role that someone else has been loved for. Are you the only girl of the household, aside from her? Very likely, she would love a relationship with you that's on good grounds-- it doesn't mean she has to be your mother. Just that she'd like to be someone you could talk to.

 

As for how the child came to be? Pretty sure the bird's and bees is...something that happens in life, I'm afraid. Either groan, laugh, or ignore it, but likely your suspicions on that one are correct. That's just adults being adults.

 

She's gotten in my face and told me that she's my mom now. It's so frustrating, and the way she talks it's like she thinks she really can replace her. And I've told her she can't, that I can't ever feel that way, and she just keeps going on and on about how she's so glad that she has a daughter and got to skip the whole annoying childhood part.

[Kinode 3,056]

yhfo8g/hcf MY CHIN JUST firetruckING FELL.

Gaaaaah

I'm hating this

as much as you are

no

you're probably hating it more.

omg what a

gaaah

Ok I'm back

And I guess there isn't much I can say since you already know i hate her too

Well, honestly, just try not to think of her as a replacement of your mother because she isn't. Just think of her as the... the other mother. The one that will never be as good as the other one.

Ok I'm sorry I tried but I don't know what to say this is hard and I suck at giving adivice

[Queen Tery 4,591]

I don't even know what to say. I don't feel like writing a big explanation either, I think I'm going to start crying if I do. Amanda comes up to me and tells me oh-so-happily, hey, guess what, I'm pregnant! Just like that. I can't even believe this. They're not even MARRIED yet. I don't want a step-sibling or whatever it's going to be. I feel like they've totally in every way betrayed me, especially since it wasn't even my Dad who told me! I'm just so frustrated I don't even know what to say.

 

i know how awkward it is. i have a step-mother and we've gotten into plenty of arguments. things are better than they used to be, but we are completely different people. her and my father currently have 2 children together, but i love them just as much as if they were my full-blooded sibling. i don't know much about amanda, but i'd say just understand that both your father and amanda are going to be crazy stressed out about this and your father was probably worried about telling you, because he figured you'd be angry/upset. at least, try and give him the benefit of the doubt.

[flaire 25]

Amanda you say?Huh, coincidence, my bff named Amanda was recently preguant

Alright let's calm down. Assuming for the moment that this Amanda is apparently your future stepmom, allow me to ask this - Does your Dad love her?Does she loves him? Are they planning to marry?

If the answer is yes to all of the above. Then my advice is to be happy for your dad and AMnada, she seems to be estatic about this kid. Plus how have they betrayed you? Do you want them to keep a log for you of their entire relationship for you,cause I personally would never like to know when and where they...did it.Who knows, they might of wanted to make a more offical announcement, but maybe she got too excited and blurted it out.There adults, they're in a relationship, I'm pretty sure their allowed to have a child if they really want to. I don't remember any parent ever asking their kids if they want a sibling,it just happens. Look, I wasn't too happy when I wake up to find out myy bff's preguant when she's only was 17,but she was very happy about the kids and still is,her bf was staying permantely and they're in love,so I was happy because Amanda was happy. Besides, how come you don't want a step sbling? not a fan of kids? What do you want her to do,get an abortion? All I can say is like it or not, this kid is now going to be your step sibling in a few months.Try to put aside your feelings about the situation and give the kid a chance.No kid deserves to have their siblings hate them for something they couldn't control.

In short, try to be happy-or the very least polite and respectful-that your dad and AMnada is happy.Try to embrace it as something good,and give the kid a chance.

And congradulations to her and to becoming a big sister! *sorry,'m a sucker for kids and babies!*

[flaire 25]

I guess I can see her point of view, but I have told her point blank I will never accept her as my mom, the way she thinks she is. And then I can't get out of my head thinking of how this happened, my Dad and Amanda. My brothers and I would have been in the house and just... ugh. I mean, I've wanted a sibling since I was little, but I didn't want it like this.

 

Addition for my post - No one says you have to accept her as your mother, but you can try to still have a good relationship to her.And you said you always wanted a sibling, so why som much distress? What exactly has Amanda done to you,other than try to be your mother,who knows, she might just see you as her daughter? And yeah, I was in the house when my parents....made my brother.Just try to block that thought out,it will help alot.

[Think Pink 1,967]

Amanda you say?Huh, coincidence, my bff named Amanda was recently preguant

Alright let's calm down. Assuming for the moment that this Amanda is apparently your future stepmom, allow me to ask this - Does your Dad love her?Does she loves him? Are they planning to marry?

If the answer is yes to all of the above. Then my advice is to be happy for your dad and AMnada, she seems to be estatic about this kid. Plus how have they betrayed you? Do you want them to keep a log for you of their entire relationship for you,cause I personally would never like to know when and where they...did it.Who knows, they might of wanted to make a more offical announcement, but maybe she got too excited and blurted it out.There adults, they're in a relationship, I'm pretty sure their allowed to have a child if they really want to. I don't remember any parent ever asking their kids if they want a sibling,it just happens. Look, I wasn't too happy when I wake up to find out myy bff's preguant when she's only was 17,but she was very happy about the kids and still is,her bf was staying permantely and they're in love,so I was happy because Amanda was happy. Besides, how come you don't want a step sbling? not a fan of kids? What do you want her to do,get an abortion? All I can say is like it or not, this kid is now going to be your step sibling in a few months.Try to put aside your feelings about the situation and give the kid a chance.No kid deserves to have their siblings hate them for something they couldn't control.

In short, try to be happy-or the very least polite and respectful-that your dad and AMnada is happy.Try to embrace it as something good,and give the kid a chance.

And congradulations to her and to becoming a big sister! *sorry,'m a sucker for kids and babies!*

 

I feel more like my Dad has betrayed me. It's like he's forgotten my mom existed. I don't want a step sibling because I don't want Amanda to be in my life, and she's the only way I'm getting one. And guys, you don't have to keep telling me not to hate this kid, I don't hate it. I hate its mother. I already am a big sister. I don't want another child that I'm going to end up taking care of. Because she's gonna slack her lazy ass like she's been doing with me and my brothers and nothing's going to get done.

 

EDIT: Edited this in after I saw your added post. She seems to be under the impression that she's entitled to the role of being mother. I don't WANT her to see me as her daughter, because I'm not.

[Sora'sMum 352]

To be honest, I think it's quite selfish of you to say you feel betrayed and don't want another sibling. It's not up to you to say whether or not they want a child. And the fact that they're not married doesn't really affect anything in today's day and age. I understand why you feel betrayed, but you should be as supportive as you can.

[Think Pink 1,967]

To be honest, I think it's quite selfish of you to say you feel betrayed and don't want another sibling. It's not up to you to say whether or not they want a child. And the fact that they're not married doesn't really affect anything in today's day and age. I understand why you feel betrayed, but you should be as supportive as you can.

 

I don't think it's selfish. My dad completely abandoned everything he and my mom had and then turns around and acts like she never existed in front of his own children. And my family still has morals, or I thought we did. It DOES mean something to me that they're not married.

[flaire 25]

I feel more like my Dad has betrayed me. It's like he's forgotten my mom existed. I don't want a step sibling because I don't want Amanda to be in my life, and she's the only way I'm getting one. And guys, you don't have to keep telling me not to hate this kid, I don't hate it. I hate its mother. I already am a big sister. I don't want another child that I'm going to end up taking care of. Because she's gonna slack her lazy ass like she's been doing with me and my brothers and nothing's going to get done.

 

Ok,now were getting somewhere! Alright, well, I really really really don't want to say this but - he doesn't have to constantly thinking about your mother.Thry divorced right? There for I don't think your mother has to stop him going and finding someone else that he can be happy with,just like with your mother. Well, as much as you want it,your stuck with Amnada.Now,which you'd you prefer - try to have a decent relationship, to where you can at least be able to talk to each other or at most tolerate her exsitence or would your rather stay like this,you hate her,compete war,Trust me, it won't be any better for your family as having Amanda in it. And sorry, the impressin I got was you were reluctant about the child,so my bad.Here's an idea, sit you,your dad,and Amanda at a table and talk, tell him about how you feel honestly*but still without it going full on ranting mind you,the importance of this working is staying calm and mature,no yelling!* and what you think will happen,and your dilma,it's important that he knows how you feel and this lady nows that she's in hot water with you,stop trying to become your mother,and she better not just thrust the kid on you.Agree not to get up from that table until you feel you solved a problem or somethings better. best of luck!

[Think Pink 1,967]

Ok,now were getting somewhere! Alright, well, I really really really don't want to say this but - he doesn't have to constantly thinking about your mother.Thry divorced right? There for I don't think your mother has to stop him going and finding someone else that he can be happy with,just like with your mother. Well, as much as you want it,your stuck with Amnada.Now,which you'd you prefer - try to have a decent relationship, to where you can at least be able to talk to each other or at most tolerate her exsitence or would your rather stay like this,you hate her,compete war,Trust me, it won't be any better for your family as having Amanda in it. And sorry, the impressin I got was you were reluctant about the child,so my bad.Here's an idea, sit you,your dad,and Amanda at a table and talk, tell him about how you feel honestly*but still without it going full on ranting mind you,the importance of this working is staying calm and mature,no yelling!* and what you think will happen,and your dilma,it's important that he knows how you feel and this lady nows that she's in hot water with you,stop trying to become your mother,and she better not just thrust the kid on you.Agree not to get up from that table until you feel you solved a problem or somethings better. best of luck!

 

They're not divorced, their marriage was mine. They were the happiest couple I'd ever seen. My mom died. I've tried to talk to them about it before but they just blow me off. And it's extremely rare that my Dad's even home or Amanda isn't off wasting all his money.

[TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689]

Lexi, did you ever think of having a serious discussion with Amanda? Tell her you need to talk to her about how you are feeling (if she wants to be your mom that badly she'll probably jump at the chance to hear you out) and tell her your honest opinion about her and all this (without being outright rude or disrespectful of course). Try to keep your emotions level because she'll probably make the same insistence that she's your mom again but don't take what she says as an answer. If she wants to hear you out, she should keep that promise.

 

As for your dad, tell him the same thing. Tell him what you think of his actions and what your opinion is of Amanda. Let him know you are not okay with this.

 

It's best I think if you talk to them seperately and it's all I can think of to say right now. I hope I helped.

[Think Pink 1,967]

Lexi, did you ever think of having a serious discussion with Amanda? Tell her you need to talk to her about how you are feeling (if she wants to be your mom that badly she'll probably jump at the chance to hear you out) and tell her your honest opinion about her and all this (without being outright rude or disrespectful of course). Try to keep your emotions level because she'll probably make the same insistence that she's your mom again but don't take what she says as an answer. If she wants to hear you out, she should keep that promise.

 

As for your dad, tell him the same thing. Tell him what you think of his actions and what your opinion is of Amanda. Let him know you are not okay with this.

 

It's best I think if you talk to them seperately and it's all I can think of to say right now. I hope I helped.

 

I've tried talking to them before. My Dad thinks she's an angel or something and she's like, WELL SINCE WE'RE GETTING MARRIED THAT MEANS I'M YOUR NEW MOMMY FOREVER.

[flaire 25]

They're not divorced, their marriage was mine. They were the happiest couple I'd ever seen. My mom died. I've tried to talk to them about it before but they just blow me off. And it's extremely rare that my Dad's even home or Amanda isn't off wasting all his money.

 

Ah,I see.

I'm very sorry.

Yes,I agree now that he hasn't made the wisest move on have a child with a woman like you saying she is, he obviously now seems to be showing no regard for you,your siblings,and your mother's memory. Do you have any adults you can trust that can help? Sometimes having someone else who also agrees with you or see's your point of view can help you.That's right,he's a marinee right? So it's going to be hard. I would suggest talking to that trusted adult,get some help, and when your dad's home, have that person try to talk to him.The guidance consuleur is always good is your short on adults.Best of luck dear.

[TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689]

 

I've tried talking to them before. My Dad thinks she's an angel or something and she's like, WELL SINCE WE'RE GETTING MARRIED THAT MEANS I'M YOUR NEW MOMMY FOREVER.

 

Why don't you try being insistent? A family works as a unit and sometimes units need to consider all options at being whole and one to work without much interruption. As cheesy as that sounds.

[Think Pink 1,967]

Thanks for your advice everyone, but talking just doesn't work with them. I really don't know if there's anything I CAN do. I feel like they're trampling on every memory of my mom and acting like that doesn't matter to me and my brothers.

[Shana09 5,769]

. . . . . . . . .

How old is Amanda?????///?????