Sometimes It Just Feels Like Too Much

[Think Pink 1,967]

I do apologize sincerely for this thread. I was up all last night thinking about this and I just felt that I had to vent somewhere. I know I've been making several depressing threads here, but it's just starting to build up and take its toll.

 

As the title says, sometimes life just feels like too much, like it did last night. I sat up all night, just upset. I don't understand why things are happening to me. I've never been a bad person, and neither has anyone in my family. I was up screaming at God, and it made me feel guilty, but I was just so angry. He's taken so much away from me, and I don't think I deserve any of the pain I've been through. First he takes my Mom away, then he gives Alex autism, and keeps sending my Dad overseas so we're stuck living with my grandparents. They say it fades over time, but it doesn't. This is my second Christmas without my Mom and it's not any easier at all. I still cry myself to sleep most nights because I miss her so much. And my poor Alex is so smart, he could have the world, but he's having so much trouble trying to beat it, and it gets the best of him most of the time. He's doing Algebra in FOURTH GRADE, and I'm still doing it in NINTH. I mean, he's got the capability to get anywhere he wants--he's a freaking genius & perfectionist, but he lets the autism get the best of him and it hurts to see him screwing himself over.

 

And then, not even in my family, my school life is awful. People I don't even know come up to me and say things. Some boy once came up to me and asked me if I was emo, and I said no, of course not. And he replied, "well, you know, I just thought that since you're so ugly you'd want to die." I don't even know him, and the group of girls behind me started laughing. My own friends are to scared to stand up for me, and it just doesn't end. It just feels so hard sometimes. I'm going to stop here because I'm crying now. Sorry guys, I didn't mean to take this out on you, I just needed to get it out somewhere.

[echo 69]

Sometimes when it feels like the whole world is against you, you have to focus on the good things in your life. Even if they are little things, it makes a difference. Also just because there are people out there that are self obsorbed jerks doesn't mean you have to let them get to you. I wish you goodluck and if you ever need to talk message me or something(:

[Ultimate Oblivion 52]

tell me about it

[rikunobodyxiii 700]

There is an old saying that can be seen as a cliche, but it is still true. The saying goes "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Things are tough now, but they will get better and you will be stronger. It will be hard, but you do have friends and family to help.

As for people who try to get you down with what they say, ignore them. It's their loss that they don't look deep to see you, not just what they choice to see.

I hope some of this is helpful. I'll be praying for you.

[_The Door To Light_ 1,507]

I'm sorry you're have to go through such a hard time.

Remember, when times get tough and you need to talk there will always be someone on this site

to listen. You can mesage me anytime.

[flaire 25]

aw jesus that's awful, I remember when I went through my personal hell, all I can say is this - live to see better days. hell can't last forever,ok? You already made a big step by venting this out, it's painful to say, but it take a crapload of weight of of you. It's sucks, but first off let me say that 9th grade boys are probably at the bottom of the evolution chain. they CAN be stupid,rude,bastards.Plus that was probably one of the dumbest insults I've ever heard, really an emo joke."Haha your emo so that means your ugly." tell that bitch to look in a goddamn mirror. that's what I would say! But stand up to your self because bullying is wrong, your friends just standing by is wrong, and the fact that this sounds like it's gone on for a while is DISGUSTINGLY wrong.

And as for Alex allow me to say that it's not the end of the world, you already said he's a smart kid *'m a freshman in high school and I STILL can't do algerbra!* what matters is being there for him to help him overcome it. he'll turn out fine, as long as someone's there to help him through.As for those friends, have you talked to them about this, because I think you might want to reconsider their friendship if they can't even stand up for you.I know that's hard but it's better than being hurt by them over and over again.I remember my middle school it was hell, I went through serious depression when I was 11 and had a sucide attempt when I was 12. But you want to know what got me through? Two things.One - I did not want it to win. I didn't want everyone who hurt me to get what they wanted, I didn't want to give up, I didn't want them to get away with it.Like I said, I wanted to live to see a better day. The second and most important thing that help me realize number one - I had people to help me through it, without my best friends I still would be the little girl I was. Look at these posts, there are people here willing to help you because no body deserves to go through this kind of pain.And so message me if you feel bad ok?

 

And for the record, I believe in the bible there's a verse that goes like this " Crying doesn't mean your weak, it means you've been strong for too long."

[Exlon 165]

I tried PMing you, but I think it said your inbox was full. Could you make a little room please? 'Cause I'd really like to send this message to you.

 

 

I believe in the bible there's a verse that goes like this " Crying doesn't mean your weak, it means you've been strong for too long."

 

Out of curiosity, could you tell me what verse that is? Because I can't find it.

[FlipMode 141]

You think you got problems? I just ran out of sausage rolls, the shops dont open again until tomorrow =( HEEEEELLLPPPP

 

Why am I making a joke out of this you ask? Because you my friend, are talking nonsense. First off, as an atheist I can not say much about religion, but my understanding of God is that he loves all equally. That said, God does not control your life for you, you do. His love just serves as guidance to do the right thing, which is not to sit around and mope, but go out there and live your life that he has (presumably) given you! You think your mother would be happy to see you like this? Carry on being yourself, its the only way you will ever be happy and after rain, sunshine will always eventually follow and you will be stronger because of all this, and that confidence will really propel you forward.

 

Trust me, my life was worse than yours at one point. But now, I almost could not be happier with it. So take it from someone who knows, it might suck now but it does, and WILL get better, so stop kidding yourself =)

[Sora96 17,256]

That is awful Lexi. That guy from your school sounds stupid. From what I've seen of you on the "Post a picture of yourself" thread you look like a beautiful young woman.

 

Hopefully things get better for you and your family soon.

[Kinode 3,056]

It's so sad to hear this, lexi...

I know how it's like to be depressed. I've been through a lot of shit, too. I even had some suicide attempts but stopped before anything serious happened.

But you know what? Even when everyone laughed at me, and even though I felt extremely sad, I remembered there were people there for me. Even though they didn't know I was sad.

I've had the WHOLE 6TH GRADE, 5TH GRADE, and PART OF THE 8TH GRADE spreading lies about me, as well as personal traumas that they incorporated into some kind of homosexual pornographic tale and even some rumor that someone RECORDED me.

And I aways had to be strong. I aways stood up for myself, and now, it isn't even that bad anymore.

We're here for you. And we aways want the best for you.

About your brother, i don't now much about autism, but I know that obviously, he'll have some exceptionally overdeveloped abilities, but his sociability will be lower. And it can't be helped. He'll need help from yo, but it'll be up to him to fight it. I don't know if this advice was valid, but it's what I've got.

Hope your turn out okay. c:

[Koko 3,944]

There are always going to be times in your life when everything seems like, well, shit.

It might be hormones. It might be stress. It might just be life itself.

No one lives a perfect life. No matter how perfect they may be outside, you don't know what they are going through or have gone through.

Life is hard and sometimes you just need to cry.

You're a good person as far as I know Lexi, and I respect your love and devotion to God, and I don't think it's bad to get a little mad at him from time to time. You're going to be upset. It's reasonable to be so.

I'm not a religious person myself, but I know exactly what one of my best friends would say. She's devoted and loves God and she's gone through a lot, with her parents divorcing and her dad dying and her mom having depression, as well as having anxiety herself. But she's one of the strongest people I've met and even though she has gotten angry with God and even hated him for a while, she found her way back and pulled through. She sees everything bad that happens to her as a test from Him and she doesn't want to fail him.

You can be just as strong Lexi. It's good to cry every once in a while. It's good to vent. Talk to someone, anyone, me, or anyone on the forum. Vent, let it out, and cry from time to time. Crying is good. Crying is expelling all of those negative emotions.

You love your family a lot, I can tell, but for now, worry about yourself for a bit. It's okay to think about yourself and what will be good for you. I mean you can't help anyone if you can't help yourself.

Be there for your brother, he needs someone strong to look up to.

And as for your friends, talk to them. Friends should always stand up for each other. If they can't do that, maybe you should reconsider your friends. It probably sounds harsh, but everyone needs someone they can count on.

You're a beautiful and strong person, but it's perfectly okay to show some weakness from time to time.

[Think Pink 1,967]

@echo

I know, and you're right. Sometimes it's just difficult to see the good things.

 

@theultimate2

??

 

@rikunobodyxiii

I agree, it's just a hard phrase to live by when the going gets tough. Thank you for the prayers, though.

 

@_The Door To Light_

I know, y'all are the best when things are hard. That's why I chose to post on this forum rather than the others I visit.

 

@flaire

Thank you, it's nice when people can empathize rather than just sympathize. I'm glad your life is improving as well. I don't recall reading that verse, but that's actually quite uplifting. Sometimes the Bible's the easiest place for me the gather comfort, just because of things like that.

 

@Exlon

I've made some room in my inbox.

 

@FlipMode

You're right, it's just difficult sometimes. I get tunnel vision, like last night, and it's just hard to imagine anything more. It's hard to think of my Mom because as much as I love her and believe she was generally a great person, she's always been atheist, though she respected what I believed. Sometimes I wonder if she made it to Heaven or not, and it really hurts to imagine her anywhere but in paradise. I have trouble dealing with how she may see me now, when I don't even know if she can see me. Thank you for the advice.

 

@Sora96

I know he's stupid, but it didn't keep it from hurting. And thank you<3

 

@Kinode

As stated before, it's nice when people giving advice can empathize, so thank you for commenting. On the subject of autism, yeah, that's basically the gist of it. It's his battle, but it's hard to see him dragging himself down. He could go anywhere, do anything, and the only one standing in the way is himself.

 

@Koko

I guess I never thought of it as a test, like in Job. That's a better perspective, though. It's just that I know a lot of people, especially at school, view me as weak after I struggled on the Parris Island obstacle course, not even finishing because I fell from the double bar and broke my leg. So crying makes me feel a lot worse most of the time; I feel like I'm proving them right. With Alex it's just hard because I KNOW he's a good kid, smart, and so sweet when he wants to be, but I just feel like I can't help him when he gets angry. He'll start breaking things and screaming and saying things he later regrets, and he'll say sorry when he calms down, but the damage is done and I feel like I don't know what to do. Once he's upset, he can't be calmed down until he runs himself down. Thank you

[Exlon 165]

@Think Pink

It says you can't receive any new messages. What's up with that?

I'd happily send the document as a file to you over chat if you'd like, though.

 

First off, as an atheist I can not say much about religion, but my understanding of God is that he loves all equally. That said, God does not control your life for you, you do.

 

As you are an atheist, then I don't think you have the right to talk about God like you know Him. As in you cannot say that God does not have control over life. Yes, there is a certain amount of free will to do whatever we end up choosing in our lives, but God will interfere directly if He chooses to, and no power on earth or hell can stop that. Also, God doesn't choose to wreak havoc and grief upon our lives, rather He decides what to let happen, and what to not let happen (whatever those are, we'll never know because they didn't happen), and works with tragedies for the greater good of the person.

[FlipMode 141]

^Wrong. I have a right as a human to say, and think whatever I want. I will not bring up religion debates here, so how about you let me have my opinion and I will let you have yours. ^^

[Exlon 165]

^Wrong. I have a right as a human to say, and think whatever I want. I will not bring up religion debates here, so how about you let me have my opinion and I will let you have yours. ^^

 

My point is that it's doesn't make much sense for you to talk about something you don't believe in. It just seems like something you wouldn't really know much about then. But okay, we won't discuss that.

[Lu Xun 2,069]

Aw, Lexi... It's sad to hear that you've been through all of this...

Some times life can really be a pain... and we can't be strong all the time... Some times, crying is the best way we have to let our bad feelings go away, together with the tears...

 

About your family, I'm sorry about your mom... I know you loved her a lot... I myself have never lost someone so close to me, so I can't realy know what you're feeling / have been feeling... But I'm afraid I can only be sorry for you, and hope and pray that better things happen to you... That your dad stays more often home, your brother doesn't have many 'attacks' You deserve to have an awesome 2012! That everything in your life gets better!

 

People in school are really idiots sometimes... Don't let that upset you too much... I know it hurts, but try to forget it... If your friends aren't there for you, you should... I don't know -- change schools? Try to get closer to other people? I myself have been so disappointed with my friends... I know what it is like..

 

By the photos you post here, you seem to be very pretty.. Those guys are simply idiot people that like to make other people feel bad... Don't mind much what they say, you're beautiful -- both inside and outside

 

Good luck from now on, Lexi! I like you very much, and you can call me on the chat if you ever need... I'll be here. I hope you have good surprises soon!

[Kello 310]

I know how parts of this feels.

My schoollife is awful too. Everyone call me gay and ugly. And I don't know who really are my friends.

 

Somedays I ask what's wrong with me. Everyone in my family lives and I have boyfriend. But still I am depressed. Why..?

 

I ask again: Why peoples have to feel?

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how terrible it is when own mother is gone.

[flaire 25]

I tried PMing you, but I think it said your inbox was full. Could you make a little room please? 'Cause I'd really like to send this message to you.

 

 

 

 

Out of curiosity, could you tell me what verse that is? Because I can't find it.

 

i can't remember the number of the verse but I think it's in Exodus

[4Everbee 1,365]

Life will get better I'm sure of it.You just gotta believe.And when that door to darkness is close the door to light will open.So don't worry