Web
Analytics Made Easy - StatCounter
Jump to content
  • Sign Up
Lu Xun

Text Lu Xun's stories : Different Ways of Facing the Destiny

Recommended Posts

hmm its cool! the mother dieing is sad though): but if its part of the story line thats cool, keep up the good work!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Right now I am trying to guess what will happen, but it is really hard to say what you will do and that's a very good thing in your stories you always do something I don't expect that it works really well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think this is great. This is actually the type of genre I'm interested in. I'm glad you added a few adjectives. I could imagine the characters clearly in my mind which is good. :) You described the characters and the point of the story, which was easily understood.

 

Although, I still think you should take time describing the settings. I think you may have to use more flowery sentences to describe the setting it takes place and the circumstances that occur.

 

For example, when you say

This battle had been one of the most violent of the history of the Chosen Ones -- the name given to people that are chosen to have these special powers.

you could say something like (but I'm not you have to, however but it's still a good idea), "Two rivers of violently spilled blood marked history in the most brutal battle ever fought between the Chosen Ones."

 

Something like that creates more vivid imagery and makes the story more interesting. People are less intended to get bored with the story as they read it. Your story seems more like a script otherwise. The more adjectives, the more flowery the description the better. This is why I'm stressing this because it is crucial when writing a story even if your writing style isn't written in that fashion.

 

I'm not saying you can't write. You have the potential and your imagination and ideas are great. But this one fault is something that you seriously need to work on if you want your writing to improve. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter One - Lies

 

It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two.

 

Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past.

 

In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of.

 

Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived.

 

He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman.

 

In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son?

 

With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny.

 

First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle.

 

They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim.

 

His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world.

 

What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter One - Lies

 

It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two.

 

Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past.

 

In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of.

 

Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived.

 

He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman.

 

In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son?

 

With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny.

 

First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle.

 

They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim.

 

His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world.

 

What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter!

 

I sense subtle darkness in his son

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter One - Lies

 

It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two.

 

Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past.

 

In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of.

 

Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived.

 

He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman.

 

In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son?

 

With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny.

 

First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle.

 

They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim.

 

His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world.

 

What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter!

 

This is going to trun out bad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

D: He looked at a kid and fainted because he was so mad? WTF? I won't say again what I said before. You get what I mean by descriptions. It seems more like the crossover of a script and a story than an actual story. And you never say,

Find it out in the next chapter!

at the end of a chapter. It ruins the cliffhanger or ending of the story and makes it seem unprofessional.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...