Lu Xun 2,069 Posted November 16, 2011 Different Ways of Facing the Destiny For generations, special people that were born with special powers, which were normally from the same family, were responsible for protecting the Nature, the Earth, and maintain the peace in this World. So far, they had been doing a great job so far. The last one was Kile’s father. However, the ability of having these secret powers had to be a secret. This secret had to be kept until the special person has a son or a daughter, and so, when this child completes fourteen years, the special person before them has the obligation of telling them about everything. However, Kile’s father -- a man named Joulie -- which was tall, strong, had blue eyes, and brown hair -- he had faced a big battle some years ago. He had defeated his brother -- a man named Ulises -- which was not so strong as Joulie, had blue eyes, and was shorter and younger than him. This battle had been one of the most violent of the history of the Chosen Ones -- the name given to people that are chosen to have these special powers. In Joulie’s case, it was a very rare thing that had happened. Normally, only one person -- even if they have brothers or sister -- is chosen to have the special powers. But, in this case, both Ulises and Joulie were entrusted with magical powers. However, while one wanted to protect the Nature, the Earth and maintain the Peace, the other had been consumed by how strong these special powers were. Ulises thought that by combining his powers with his brothers -- they both could control the World, and have everything they wanted. Money, women, and any and everything that this world could have to offer. However, as both of them had powers, the special powers were split up -- while their father had their combined power, each of them only got half of it. Joulie was older, so when he completed fourteen years, his father came to inform him about everything -- the powers, the secret Kingdom of the Chosen Ones. But there was something wrong -- he had not earn all of his father’s powers. Because of that, his father thought that -- maybe, only by a small chance, like 2% -- his brother could earn the other half of powers, once he completed fourteen years. And so, his idea was completely right. When Ulises completed fourteen years, he began to be able to do things that only the Chosen Ones were capable of. Ulises was very happy at first -- having these special powers were like a dream. But that happiness would not last long. When Joulie completed twenty-four years, and his brother was with twenty years -- their father died because of a heart attack. Now, it was up to Ulises and Joulie to keep the peace in this World. In one month, they went to the Chosen Ones’ Kingdom. Everything was so beautiful, and very calm. Joulie loved the place, but Ulises did not like as much as his brother did. For him, it was just an old and bothering place, where he would not have anything to do. And so, Ulises first raised his hands, and three monsters appeared in a forest, which was located in front of the Castle. The monsters attacked the castle, but were easily and quickly destroyed by Ulises’ brother, Joulie. However, after this event, Joulie began to wonder about the monsters’ origin. If it was such a peaceful place, how did these monster appear in all of a sudden? With time, he began to join all the pieces and noticed that only magical powers could have created that. And, since his father had brought peace after defeating the King of the Darkness, and sealing him in another dimension twenty years ago, no monster had showed up ever since. Ulises did not pretend anything when his brother came up asking if he had anything to do with the monsters’ appearance. He said “Yes, it was me. Just for fun, bro.”, with a smile in his face. He then decided to tell his brother about his true intentions. He told him that together they could be unbeatable. They could have anything they have ever wanted in their lives. They would be feared by the entire humanity. No one would ever forget their names. His brother said that their duty was to protect the world, and not to take control over it! But Ulises kept saying that with their father dead, they had no one to force them to do anything -- they were free to do whatever they wanted with their powers. Soon, a battle began between the two brothers. After one year of a long and slow conflict, Joulie finally managed to defeat his brother. He did not kill him, but made him prisoner in the castle. He left some men watching over his brother. And so, he returned to his home. With time, he met a beautiful, and shy woman, named Liliane. After one year of staying together, they’ve decided to marry. One year after their marriage, they had a son. However, a very sad event happened when the baby was born. His mother had a complication during that time, and died of an illness. Joulie remained very sad, but he knew that he had a baby to create. His sadness never abandoned him, and it had passed over thirteen years now. In one year, his son would finally complete fourteen years. Many surprises were awaiting for him. Joulie always ensured to make him follow his orders -- in a way of preventing that he could become something like Ulises once he found out about his special powers. In one month, he would make fourteen years. How would Joulie tell his son about his magical powers, about his past, the Kingdom, and about everything? Would he have enough courage to tell him about everything, without hiding anything? And what about Ulises, what has happened with him during these years? Find the answer in the next chapter! Stay tuned, and please post your opinions below *I will continue the other stories later. Stay tuned, my dear readers 9 Leaxel, Luna☆, Grimmjow and 6 others reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Static15 90 Posted November 16, 2011 have u thought about becoming a professional writer?...like a best selling author or something? but anyway i liked it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirie 3,489 Posted November 16, 2011 wow, the ending was sad when the mother died Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora's Baby 729 Posted November 16, 2011 Humm I wonder what will happen next? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damion Strife 130 Posted November 16, 2011 Wow...that's like really good....its very sad that the mother dies.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rikunobodyxiii 700 Posted November 16, 2011 Ah, I smell adventure! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
echo 69 Posted November 16, 2011 hmm its cool! the mother dieing is sad though): but if its part of the story line thats cool, keep up the good work! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leaxel 178 Posted November 16, 2011 Right now I am trying to guess what will happen, but it is really hard to say what you will do and that's a very good thing in your stories you always do something I don't expect that it works really well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lu Xun 2,069 Posted November 16, 2011 Thank you all! You'll see a new chapter tomorrow! Stay tuned! If possible, follow the topic so you can know when it's updated! Again, thanks (: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Obi-wan 411 Posted November 17, 2011 Interesting story you got. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robbie the Wise 5,050 Posted November 17, 2011 Very good you have me interested and I'm a first impression guy. I sense that Joulie son will be a boy of choices. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PersianRose13 14 Posted November 17, 2011 It's really good....I love it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689 Posted November 17, 2011 I think this is great. This is actually the type of genre I'm interested in. I'm glad you added a few adjectives. I could imagine the characters clearly in my mind which is good. You described the characters and the point of the story, which was easily understood. Although, I still think you should take time describing the settings. I think you may have to use more flowery sentences to describe the setting it takes place and the circumstances that occur. For example, when you say This battle had been one of the most violent of the history of the Chosen Ones -- the name given to people that are chosen to have these special powers. you could say something like (but I'm not you have to, however but it's still a good idea), "Two rivers of violently spilled blood marked history in the most brutal battle ever fought between the Chosen Ones." Something like that creates more vivid imagery and makes the story more interesting. People are less intended to get bored with the story as they read it. Your story seems more like a script otherwise. The more adjectives, the more flowery the description the better. This is why I'm stressing this because it is crucial when writing a story even if your writing style isn't written in that fashion. I'm not saying you can't write. You have the potential and your imagination and ideas are great. But this one fault is something that you seriously need to work on if you want your writing to improve. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Weedanort 8,786 Posted November 17, 2011 You clearly have a talent, so use it wisely, 'cause you can be famous for this writings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lu Xun 2,069 Posted November 17, 2011 Chapter One - Lies It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two. Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past. In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of. Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived. He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman. In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son? With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny. First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle. They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim. His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world. What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter! 3 lostmemory123, Kirie and Luna☆ reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damion Strife 130 Posted November 17, 2011 It just keeps getting better and better! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robbie the Wise 5,050 Posted November 17, 2011 Chapter One - Lies It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two. Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past. In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of. Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived. He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman. In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son? With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny. First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle. They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim. His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world. What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter! I sense subtle darkness in his son Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sora's Baby 729 Posted November 17, 2011 Chapter One - Lies It was a normal Friday when Zack, Joulie’s son, asked his father about the rest of his family. They have been living on their own since Zack was born, and Liliane died. Joulie told his son that his father died some years before the boy was born, and that his younger brother, Ulises, died in a car crash when he was twenty-two. Joulie thought that it was better to hide the story of his brother from his son -- at least until he completed eighteen years, and became an adult. His worst nightmare would be if his son were to follow the same road as his brother had followed in the past. In the next day, on December 25th, it would be both Christmas and Zack’s fourteen birthday. His father had prepared a beautiful surprise -- he had bought the video game that Zack had been asking during the entire year. Joulie also thought that it was better to talk about the special powers only when Zack began to show them by doing some things that normal humans aren’t capable of. Then, in the next day, Zack was so happy because of the gift from his father that he decided to stay playing the entire day, and only stop to eat the things from this special date, Christmas. To Joulie, this was both a sad and happy day. Happy because it was the day when his son was born, and sad because of the death of his beloved wife. He could remember the scene as if it had been yesterday. The doctor coming and telling him that only the baby had survived. He cried for weeks, and isolated himself from the rest of the world. At first, he hated his son, because he thought that he was the responsible for the death of Liliane. But then, he opened his eyes to the reality and decided to take care of his son, without however, never forgetting about his beloved wife. In these fourteen years, he had not have any relationship with any woman. In January, Zack began to do the strange things. When he had a fight with a boy, and lost, his rage was so large that just by looking at the boy, he fainted. Although Joulie was happy for he son, he was worried about some thing -- this power had been given to his brother, so why did it pass to his son? With time, his son began to show the other special powers, and to keep his father worried -- part of them were from his brother, Ulises, and the other from himself. Something appeared to be completely wrong, but Joulie could not tell anything to his son. Then, finally, in a calm morning, Joulie decided to tell about everything to his son -- with the exception, of course, of his brother’s truly destiny. First, he told that in their family, there were the Chosen Ones, which were special people that had magical powers and could use them anytime, but their duty was to keep the peace in this world. He also told about the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones, and so his son wanted to go as soon as possible, but Joulie thought that it was not the time for him to see the Castle. They ended up having a discussion, because Zack said that Joulie still sees him as a kid, and treats him like one. Joulie said that his only intention is to protect his son from any and everything that could bring him to the wrong road. They stopped talking to each other for a while, and in reality, as Joulie was very harsh with his son, and gave many orders for him to follow, there was a rage accumulated inside the boy. But Zack was also smart. He pretended to be very sorry for the fight they had some days ago, and acted as the victim. His plan worked, and his father stood emotional, and to bring happiness to the boys’ eyes, he said he would take his son to the Kingdom of the Chosen Ones in the following day. Zack was very happy, and curious about what he could find in this secret mini-world. What will Zack think about the Kingdom? Will Joulie tell the truth about his brother to him? Will Ulises appear once again, or escape from the castle’s prison? Find it out in the next chapter! This is going to trun out bad. 1 Kirie reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rikunobodyxiii 700 Posted November 17, 2011 Hmm, shall be interesting to see what Zack will do with the knowledge he will be gaining. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KHlover8 24 Posted November 17, 2011 wow i really like this!! it's an awesome story =D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kirie 3,489 Posted November 17, 2011 the story is long, but intresting Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689 Posted November 18, 2011 D: He looked at a kid and fainted because he was so mad? WTF? I won't say again what I said before. You get what I mean by descriptions. It seems more like the crossover of a script and a story than an actual story. And you never say, Find it out in the next chapter! at the end of a chapter. It ruins the cliffhanger or ending of the story and makes it seem unprofessional. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter Hawk 392 Posted November 18, 2011 Your stories are getting better and better!!! It's like watching an epic movie while reading your stories. I also like the themes you're using - about protecting our beautiful nature. Don't ever stop writing!!! 1 SoraKH reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Key2Oblivion 37 Posted November 18, 2011 wow good story so far Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
replika13 455 Posted November 18, 2011 your acctually so good, y could became an author. all your stories are good and amazing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites