Help me with this "threatening" joke

[Key2Oblivion 37]

Ok so last weekend I hung out with a some good friends of mine and we watched the UFC fight, along with some other things. A moment came up and someone brought up my ex, which was followed by an awkward silence because no one knew if I knew that she was with someone else. But I did,and honestly didn't care.

 

Then two of the guys explained to me that they were messing with the kid saying stuff like,"Watch out when Dave finds out he's gunna kill you." It even got to the point where my old teacher joined in and said something like," Yea you don't want to mess with a kid who can throw a baseball 85, he could kill you."

 

So by the end of the night we figured it would be a great idea for them to keep messing around with the guy, and then I should show up one day and just threaten him. So I was already planning on visiting the school next month so it gives me a month to prepare what I'm going to say. I want to say something that comes off as threatening in the moment, but when he tells someone(which he will cause that's the kind of kid he is) they will just sort of look at him and have the "are you serious?" sort of face. Hopefully that makes sense.

 

Oh and a few quick notes:

-I don't have those sort of feelings for my ex anymore

-This is intended to be a joke, like I want to threaten him in a funny way

-The two kids who have been messing with him are good friends with him

[AlucardSuccessor 19]

Well, I don't really like to use threats, seen as actions are more explanatory, but since you won't do anything bad and it's just a joke, I'll tell you something. Threaten his gut. That almost always works. Something in the lines of "I'll rip your freaking guts out punk! That is, if you have any!"

[Exlon 165]

I don't think it's really that funny for you to threaten him just to get him scared. If you really don't care anymore, just leave him alone. It's bad enough having broken up with you. You don't have to make things worse for him, because he's not going to know it's a joke when you play it like that. And even if he finds out later that it was, I really don't think that's the right thing to do, 'cause it's not even funny. A death threat is a serious thing, and I definitely suggest you don't make it a joke.

[AlucardSuccessor 19]

Did he say it was a death threat? No. He said it was a normal, creepy threat. So no harm done. CASE CLOSED.

[Key2Oblivion 37]

I don't think it's really that funny for you to threaten him just to get him scared. If you really don't care anymore, just leave him alone. It's bad enough having broken up with you. You don't have to make things worse for him, because he's not going to know it's a joke when you play it like that. And even if he finds out later that it was, I really don't think that's the right thing to do, 'cause it's not even funny. A death threat is a serious thing, and I definitely suggest you don't make it a joke.

 

It's not a death threat by any means. The whole idea behind this is to be like one of those funny threats that are in movies, like the character who is being threatened but the audience is laughing because it's that ridiculous. if you know me I have an intiminating build, but I wouldn't willingly hurt someone, so this is the only time I've ever planned on threatening someone.

[Exlon 165]

It's not a death threat by any means. The whole idea behind this is to be like one of those funny threats that are in movies, like the character who is being threatened but the audience is laughing because it's that ridiculous. if you know me I have an intiminating build, but I wouldn't willingly hurt someone, so this is the only time I've ever planned on threatening someone.

 

Threaten him how then? That you'll beat him up? That's not funny either. Why don't you just leave him alone?

[Sora's Baby 729]

Threaten him how then? That you'll beat him up? That's not funny either. Why don't you just leave him alone?

 

Yeah thearts are bad, and you don't really want to scare him.

[Oishii 3,987]

I wouldn't threaten him. I would go on the lines of being extremely nice to him, but say things that have double meanings. Keep him guessing. That would be much funnier than giving out threats. That's really not something to joke about. But messing with him, that sounds like fun

[Key2Oblivion 37]

 

Threaten him how then? That you'll beat him up? That's not funny either. Why don't you just leave him alone?

 

Again I never said anything about beating him up. The whole idea of this "threat" is for it to be ridiculous, but I want to say it in a way that he'll think I'm serious.

 

For example," Look I get that she's with you now, but if I see so much as one negative facebook post I'm going to come at you like a papa bear defending his cub."

 

That's not a serious threat. What Alucard said could be taken as an actual threat and I want to avoid things like that. Hell what I just put could be a little much.

 

Oishii I like that idea but could you give me a quick example?

[Exlon 165]

Again I never said anything about beating him up. The whole idea of this "threat" is for it to be ridiculous, but I want to say it in a way that he'll think I'm serious.

 

For example," Look I get that she's with you now, but if I see so much as one negative facebook post I'm going to come at you like a papa bear defending his cub."

 

That's not a serious threat. What Alucard said could be taken as an actual threat and I want to avoid things like that. Hell what I just put could be a little much.

 

Oishii I like that idea but could you give me a quick example?

 

Er, side note at least, it's always the mama bear you wanna worry about.

 

And is he bi or something?

[Key2Oblivion 37]

Er, side note at least, it's always the mama bear you wanna worry about.

 

And is he bi or something?

 

No my ex is the girl in this case....the person I'm "threatening" is her boyfriend...

[Exlon 165]

No my ex is the girl in this case....the person I'm "threatening" is her boyfriend...

 

Hunh. I kept thinking you were talking about a guy for some reason. I thought you were threatening your ex.

[AlucardSuccessor 19]

Hunh. I kept thinking you were talking about a guy for some reason. I thought you were threatening your ex.

 

That's what I like to call "people who don't pay attention to what they read".

[Exlon 165]

That's what I like to call "people who don't pay attention to what they read".

 

Whatever, jerk.

[AlucardSuccessor 19]

Well, I was going to add "no offense intended though" but now you just made me change my mind

[4Everbee 1,365]

That...Dumb.

[Exlon 165]

Well, I was going to add "no offense intended though" but now you just made me change my mind

 

My life is awful enough as it is. I really don't feel like taking random crap.

[AlucardSuccessor 19]

My life is awful enough as it is. I really don't feel like taking random crap.

 

You're fault for talking back to every statement I say... Some people don't know how to shut up(like me right now )

[Key2Oblivion 37]

Okay for anyone who has replied or anyone who thinks that this is "bad" for me to be "threatening" someone read this:

 

Coach: "You know Dave I'm going to beat the shit out of you if you don't pick your grades up. I mean come on how old are you?"

Me:"Seventeen coach."

Coach:"Oh then once you're eighteen I'll beat you up, cause till then it'll be considered child abuse."

 

See my coach has this running joke about seventeen year olds are still babies. So, at first, I thought I was in trouble and might be kicked off the team cause of grades, but then I realize it was all a joke. THAT'S the kind of thing I'm going for.

[4Everbee 1,365]

Okay for anyone who has replied or anyone who thinks that this is "bad" for me to be "threatening" someone read this:

 

Coach: "You know Dave I'm going to beat the shit out of you if you don't pick your grades up. I mean come on how old are you?"

Me:"Seventeen coach."

Coach:"Oh then once you're eighteen I'll beat you up, cause till then it'll be considered child abuse."

 

See my coach has this running joke about seventeen year olds are still babies. So, at first, I thought I was in trouble and might be kicked off the team cause of grades, but then I realize it was all a joke. THAT'S the kind of thing I'm going for.

 

That still dumb