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pokebobhearts

The Funniest Joke

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There is a man walking on the beach. On his walk, he finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie comes out. "I will grant you 3 wishes" says the genie, "but whatever you wish for, your worst enemy will get double". The man, without thinking, says "I WISH FOR A BILLION DOLLARS!". A suitcase of money appears on the beach next to him. The genie starts "you know have 2 wi-" "I WANT A MANSION!" interrupts the man. Three mansions pop up on the hill. The man asks "Why did I get 3?" The genie replies "You did not, you got 1, and your ex-wife got 2." This made the man very upset. He paced the beach for a while. When he returned to the genie, he held a large stick, and he says to the genie "I wish you would beat me half to death with this stick."

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

 

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

 

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

 

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

 

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

 

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

 

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

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A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of a ship over his penis. The bar tender says "What the hell is that?" and the pirate responds "ARR, Its driving me nuts!"

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A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of a ship over his penis. The bar tender says "What the hell is that?" and the pirate responds "ARR, Its driving me nuts!"

 

i... just... l...o...l...'d

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I saw a leather jacket in the store and thought "Hey, that cool"

Then I saw a leather vest and thought "Not so cool"

Then I realized, only the sleeves are cool

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