Text Lu Xun's stories : A Frightful Prevision

[SoraKH 793]

A-W-E-S-O-M-E I LOVE YOU! It touched my heart! You are epic!

[Sora's Baby 729]

Yay.

[Luna☆ 108]

That was really nice of you Lu Xun we read your stories because they're amazing.

[Obi-wan 411]

A read it Lu! Pretty good

[Rizzyy 736]

It was very cool

[4Everbee 1,365]

Nice work my friend.I keep forgeitng to read your storys lol.Anyways keep it up

[Lu Xun 2,069]

_{Hope you guys that have read this story still remember it}

_{So, as I had said, I'm gonna ask a question once in a while to keep this thread alive}

 

_{Today's Question: Who was your Favorite Character?}

[Sora's Baby 729]

None.

[Hunter Hawk 392]

Drak!!! Such awsome name and cool personality. It will always stay in my heart.

 

I kinda imagine you as Drak. And we readers are your Religion!!!

[Sora's Baby 729]

Drak!!! Such awsome name and cool personality. It will always stay in my heart.

 

I kinda imagine you as Drak. And we readers are your Religion!!!

 

Oh yeah.

[Lu Xun 2,069]

_{Today's question: If you were the writer, would you change anything in the end? Would you change the side who won?}

[Sora's Baby 729]

No one won.

[Indecypher 495]

I didn't vote in the poll because 2 out of 3 of the questions were for people who read the story while it was being updated. You've improved as a writer since this story so some of my dislikes might not be applicable now. I liked the story overall and will list my reasons for such:

 

“Madness of the Devil” Awesome name, I did not see the baby getting shot coming. The fact they followed communism was hard to believe, it seemed to work in the story but in history communism never works. Then again I don't know too much about all the differences, like Marxism or if you meant the "True" communism. "It was fun to tell everything about the battle." This quote just seemed out of place, he described this awful battle of people dying and such and then said it was fun to write about. I mean I guess he could be sadist but I didn't get that vibe from him.

May 12th

Drak

 

I liked seeing the war from a different perspective, but considering the other protagonist just described this battle and there was no mystical element kind of made Drak's entry redundant. I can understand if it was a forced thing because it would be strange for Drak to not write about but still it bored me.

 

I did not like the videos being included. On their own the music is fine, and I can understand wanting to create an immersive experience but seeing "Hear this:" kind of took me out of the story. That and I don't like to stop things in the middle so I felt I couldn't read anymore if one of the songs wasn't over yet, although that's kind of a personal thing but still I think a story needs to be known for it's writing and not what was included with it.

 

"We are soul sisters." I can kind of chalk this up to how the english language is confusing but it was very strange to hear that from a man talking about his wife. I mean maybe it's just because your english skills were still being developed, but it just seemed so far from soulmates that I had to mention it.

 

"Phappy, his best friend. Phappy" That name, it might be too late to change it now and it might not even be appropriate to mention why it feels wrong. Then again, my mind just might be in the gutter.

 

"Drak stood writing two letters." By this point in the story he already had someone write one of his other letters due to lack of strength, this might have fallen under his body giving one last shot before giving up but if it was I think it should of been mentioned. If it wasn't it seems to kind of ruin the continuity.

 

I'm glad Eirwd and Das got a happy ending, I also like how you used the "Arc words" trope.

 

"he decided to keep his friend commaning it – for now at least." Sequel now pls.

 

"God seems to be very angry with what you, humans, are doing." This feels like Drak suddenly doesn't consider himself a human, unless it was just a small mistake and you meant to say "we, humans"

 

"I wonder what kind of King you will become... it is truly the only regret I have for dying now... But you will never be alone... I will be always watching for you, wherever I go... and you can remember the good moments we’ve spent together... I will always be in your heart, you must never forget that.

Now, I need to take my leave. I wish you good luck on your mission -- which will not be very easy... But you will do the right thing... I am sure of it. As the new King of Europe, you and the woman you choose to marry -- you both will be very happy, I’m sure of it. " How did Drak know he would be a king? I guess this could be explained by his talks with "God" but since there's no mention of it, it just seems like he randomly guessed everything that would happen.

 

As for the questions of the day, which I'm really late for: Drak is my favorite character due to everything he overcame. For changing the story I would of wanted Tligh to see Drak dead, since their whole fight was kind of what I thought was gonna happen. I guess I could of read it wrong but it seemed to be going towards that direction.

 

 

No one won.

This, I mean the politics or whatever basically won but they have to allow for a religion now. Not to mention all the deaths. I guess I would of wanted the "God" to come and own it up and win. Because it was never really explained who or what it was.

 

Edit: And

Edited January 15, 2013 by Indecypher

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Lu Xun, I must say that this story of yours was truly epic.  I enjoyed every aspect of it. This is one of the reasons I got inspired to write The Keyblade War, and I'm happy that you've managed to write so many more stories!  Your a great writer bro, and as for as I can see, you have a bright future as a book writer!  Thumbs up bro! Oh, and my favorite character was Drak, because of his communications with God, and because of his devotion to making sure Earth survives.  And for the ending, I would have liked for Drak to have lived.  But hey, your story was amazing either way!  I salute you!