Text My Story Needs Help.....:D

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

Mermaid Stories: Misty Greene Edition

Book One: My Raging Life

Prologue

Everyone has an embarassing secret they don't want anyone to find out about, right? Well my secret is a little different. My secret isn't exactly what I'd call embarassing, unless you count getting a tail everytime I touch water when it's my dad's turn to keep me for the summer, embarassing.
My name is Misty Greene (yeah I know, laugh it up), I'm 15 years old, have a Pisces sign birthmark, that's colored like a tattoo, on my lower back, almound-shaped eyes that change from sea green, in the summer, to aquamarine, in the winter, during the year and I am not your average girl. Sure, I like, and do just about the same things that any teenage girl does; I like to listen to music, dance, hang-out with my friends, especially my best friends Natasha, Scottie, Stephenie, and Abby, I can text 20 words per minute, and I have a HUGE crush on my friend Scottie. So yeah, I'm mostly a normal girl.
My parents divorced, or "broke-up" as they like to call it, when I was two. So I live with my mom, Silver Greene, Derik Snow, my mom's super awesome boyfriend, and Demetri Snow, Derik's son who has been like the older brother I've never had, and every other summer, after the weekend of the week school gets out, I go to my dad's place, until about three weeks before school starts. That's not even the weird part. It turns out, and I just found this out, like, three years ago, my dad is king of the sea, which is pretty funny when you think about it, considering his name is Arthur. However, I'm my dad's only daughter, so that makes me heir to the throne and a princess, a mermaid princess. What makes it even worse is I'm a teenager. My life couldn't get anymore complicated. Or could it?

Chapter One
Beach Party

"Misty.......Hello?......Earth to Misty." Natasha said, snapping her fingers at me. "MIS-TY!.....Snap out of it."
"Huh?....What?......What happened?" I said, snapping out of the trance I was in.
"I asked, what're you doing this summer." She said, "Weren't you listening?"
"No, I wasn't......Sorry. I said, "And do you mean after the beach party we're throwing?"

Okay ya'll.......As you can see, I've gotten the Prologue......And some of chapter one...... :D .......What Do Y'all Think?.......I'm Gonna Add More Later......I still want y'alls input <3

[Keyblade King 12 486]

Just a thought. I like it and all. (Maybe a bit forward with the whole I get a tail thing, but it's good) Um, the title of the novel sounds like something a five year old Barbie Girl would like. Might want to consider changing the title. Just my opinion of course though.

 

With first chapters, after the introduction, you should try doing something that puts the reader straight into the story and the main character's life. For this, I would say, maybe the last day of school before Summer. Have something happen like a beach party to celebrate or a water fight breaks out. (Or does she need to be with her dad?) Something exciting at least. Then afterwards, she gets shipped to her father for the summer.

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

Oh I see.......Ummmm...Misty get her tail when it's her dad's summer.....like as soon as she touches water.....she can't even shower without getting her tail when it's her dad's summer...........................is the title better?

[Keyblade King 12 486]

Yes. Much better. And I see. Right, so maybe...does she have any other powers? If so or not, maybe just a confrontation by a gang of bullies. Something like that perhaps. And then she goes to town on them.

[Iamkingdomhearts1000 1,170]

i think you should introduce a character who could greatly change the flow of the story and how his personally can ultimately differ from the other characters like how he acts in personally.

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

Ok....I see Where y'all are commin from.......Ummm Keyblade King 12.....She will have powers....Just don't know what yet...probably something with singing and some other powers.....I know when she goes into mermaid mode her hair changes.........I'm still working on some ideas that popped into my head.......

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

I still need help with Chapter One.....Cause I Decided That What I Put Up There Is Gonna Be The Prologue.....Chapter One Is Gonna Be Called: Beach Party.........Or Sumthing Like That

[Naroco 26]

i think she should be able to control water, like move it and make it float and stuff

[sound_drops 1]

The flow is good! Keep it up! Although, like most people will say, the title is too cliche. I like the story so far though. But a lot of stories start like this, so you've gotta make it interesting. Is she scared whenever the transformation takes place? Annoyed maybe?

 

You should start it with an adventure. Maybe she's also a thief. Or a famous star or something.

 

And the rest, well... has anyone ever told you it sounds a lot like The Tail of Emily Windsnap?

 

I hope you don't find this offensive! Your writing really is great!

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

Ok....I see Where y'all are commin from.......Ummm Keyblade King 12.....She will have powers....Just don't know what yet...probably something with singing and some other powers.....I know when she goes into mermaid mode her hair changes.........I'm still working on some ideas that popped into my head.......

 

she's gonna get the power 2 talk 2 animals......among other powers

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

i think she should be able to control water, like move it and make it float and stuff

 

she will control water......

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

ok the powers i have for misty sofar:

 

talks to animals

controls water

controls fire

one with nature (makes flowers sprout....etc)

healing *****

"shock Therapy" jolts of electricity from hands *****

invisibility

 

 

***** means in first story

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

I'll put what I have officially up for y'all to see l8ter and y'all can come up with ideas from there

[Final Hearts 69 12]

Great story so far. Okay so here's what I have in mind.

My parents divorced, or "broke-up" as they like to call it, when I was two. So I live with my mom and Derik, my mom's super awesome boyfriend, and every other summer, I go to my dad's place, until about three weeks before school starts.

 

This summer my dad gets me and this will be interesting, becuase even though he knows about my secret he takes me to the beach and tells me to enjoy myself out in the water like he does every time I go over there. But I'm getting a head of myself, school had just let out for the summer and my mom told me that dad was on his way from his place to pick me up for the summer. Great, I'm going to dad's house. Well, that's fine. I know what to expect at least when I am over there. Mom also told me that he was seeing someone and told me to behave myself....

 

I would continue, but then you probably won't have the flow that you need to conitue with the story. I hope I had helped freeing you from writer's block. I hate seeing a fellow writer get stuck on a story that is worth be told...and I would love to see how this turns out since you are having people help you create it. Let me know if I had helped alright.

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

Final Hearts.....I LUV ur idea......but umm....Misty's dad is king of the sea.....but can I use ur idea for a different story I have an idea for........i really need to put what I have now up......and then y'all can give me ur ideas on what I got.......Final, my idea is Misy throws this HUGE beach party the day b4 she leaves to go to "dad's house"

[Final Hearts 69 12]

Great story so far. Okay so here's what I have in mind.

 

 

This summer my dad gets me and this will be interesting, becuase even though he knows about my secret he takes me to the beach and tells me to enjoy myself out in the water like he does every time I go over there. But I'm getting a head of myself, school had just let out for the summer and my mom told me that dad was on his way from his place to pick me up for the summer. Great, I'm going to dad's house. Well, that's fine. I know what to expect at least when I am over there. Mom also told me that he was seeing someone and told me to behave myself....

 

I would continue, but then you probably won't have the flow that you need to conitue with the story. I hope I had helped freeing you from writer's block. I hate seeing a fellow writer get stuck on a story that is worth be told...and I would love to see how this turns out since you are having people help you create it. Let me know if I had helped alright.

 

Final Hearts.....I LUV ur idea......but umm....Misty's dad is king of the sea.....but can I use ur idea for a different story I have an idea for........i really need to put what I have now up......and then y'all can give me ur ideas on what I got.......Final, my idea is Misy throws this HUGE beach party the day b4 she leaves to go to "dad's house"

 

I'm glad I could help. Can't wait to see what other ideas you'll use. Hope I could help in other chapters. I thought I was on the right track. Anyways, sorry for not getting what you were wanting.

[pokebobhearts 22]

hmm this story doesn't waste in time. From previous knowledge I know the prologue shouldn't really tell all, if you get what I mean. Your prologue only needs to give information of the scene (which you did) and past information if you are writing from past to present. Some authors however write from present to past which is always awesome in which you start in the present for your prologue Hope this helped

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

 

 

 

I'm glad I could help. Can't wait to see what other ideas you'll use. Hope I could help in other chapters. I thought I was on the right track. Anyways, sorry for not getting what you were wanting.

 

Awwww......I didn't mean it like that......I REALLY liked your idea......

 

[Final Hearts 69 12]

Thanks freespirit, you just made my day a little bit better.

[FreeSpiritSoaring 3]

your welcome.....who's Zexion's_Lover_46 ?