xion---424 51 Posted June 22, 2011 Sora: been a bit since we been in wonderland eh guys? goofy:yeah ayuck^^ donald:where are we anyways? goofy: Wonderland^^ Donald: I KNOW THAT!!!!!!!! Sora: this place is confuseing maybe were just lost?he looks at donald nervously the last thing he wanted was a ducky tantrum. sora sighed. goofy: aww it will be ok ayuck well find her. donald: that unknown guy couldnt have gone far! out of the corner of his eye in a mirror on the wall sora thought he saw something he ran twards it looking in, he saw kairi lieing unconsis. sora: Kairi! Guys i found her! sora relized something odd his finger tips were going into the mirror. he reatched in father but kairi seemed to scoot away Donald: Sora! it could be a trap! Donald and goofy look at eachother trying to decide wether to follow or not... Sora reatched another panel of glass kairi seemed behind it he went threw but this one kinda hurt like something was pulling something out from inside of him. he grimaced and kept going running twards kairi once inside. kairi seemed gone..sora:...it is a trap.. he tried to run out slamming himself into the glass the pulling feeling had stoped what ever it was seeming to come free when he slamed into the glass.. it looked exactly like him it was like a reflection.. brown hair with this dulled shiney greyish tint as if he was looking into some kind of mirror his clothes and there colors looked the same too but as a reflection..this reflection held his keyblade with his left hand though it smirked floating up slightly flying out of the mirorr landing in front of donald and goofy. donald: sora aRE you ok? goofy: i got a bad feeling about this... i dont think thats sora donald. the boy smirked. your right.. im not sora.. im aros... ~if you wanna here more tell me.. idk if its good enough. 1 The Transcendent Key reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Transcendent Key 12,109 Posted June 22, 2011 EPICNESS!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kaiso 2,764 Posted June 22, 2011 It's erm... very difficult to read the way you've written it. The dialogue is hard to differentiate from the rest of the writing. If you're not going to properly write dialogue and do it in a sort of "instant messenger form" at least use the enter button. D: This is a pretty good start though! It's interesting. o3o Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xion---424 51 Posted June 22, 2011 On 6/22/2011 at 5:05 AM, 'KairiSora06' said: It's erm... very difficult to read the way you've written it. The dialogue is hard to differentiate from the rest of the writing. If you're not going to properly write dialogue and do it in a sort of "instant messenger form" at least use the enter button. D: This is a pretty good start though! It's interesting. o3o thanks.. im sorry how its not verry good...im not the best with talking or writeing sometimes..words are kinda hard for me to put down like this...its easier.. to draw it or make it into a movie i guess.. but i really wanted to give it a shot^^ who knows maybe ill get better^^ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoxAs Is Wise 7 Posted June 22, 2011 It's good, it'll be better to have more wonderland environment stuff later, yay! 8D Only one thing... Umm... aros? I found that funny if it's gag story it's interesting, though @KaiSo Very difficult to read? Nah, it's Xion's style, you'll get used to it Note for Xion: Try separating the lines so it's short each, the last fourth paragraph made me spaced out before I finished reading it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
