Text What I'm Fighting for

[VENROXAS 152]

Everything I had hoped, wanted, and dreamed about in this world that I wanted to see happen. A world I wanted, and watched over time it changed and grew darker and more frightful. Every day I grew leery as to what my future would be. I still observe and watch as it continues to grow more cruel and sad.

 

I wanted to keep waiting and see how everything plays out. But I grew dreary and wondered why I dreamt of a different world than the one I was in now. I kept thinking to myself watching and waiting to see what more could possibly happen…. I then continued about my usual life not showing how I felt.

 

I always tried to show the least amount of feelings I could, trying not to change anything and ruin it. I have met many friends who have suffered because of this world, and tried to cheer them up as much as I could. Each time I look out into the sky and close my eyes I imagine a place that could be. And should have been but all the greed and war that goes on changed that world I once imagined as a little boy.

 

I always stood out different because I didn’t show how I felt; I always tried to be the average one. Always wanting what I once imagined and wished and hoped would be. Do you not agree with me? That this world should be how this boy once imagined it to be? I always wanted to live in a good place and be happy for another day to come.

 

I felt I should at least share how I felt at one time by writing this, and still feel. It is without a doubt the most discouraging world I’ve ever seen. Each day seems more and more depressing then the last, as more war is fought, more lives lost, more global effects. And what do men gain from all of this? NOTHING absolutely nothing is gained from any of this.

 

 

A story I wrote the other day just thought I should share it and get some opinions

[RoxasStalker 11]

It's moving, but somewhat depressing.

[Naroco 26]

I like it because it sounds like a pro wrote it

[Paopufruity 122]

Epicness.. I like it.... It's really beautiful

[Macroxen 32]

wow. im even moar sad!!! xC

[KairiGolden13 10]

That sad but it a good story

[RoxAs Is Wise 7]

This is like Linkin Park-In the end. Somehow.

 

Positive: This really gives the chilling flow of emptiness, you describe the feeling quite well and realistic, well done.

 

But this seems consuming to both the writer and the audience, therefore it seems kinda juvenile form of art. it's okay if that's your ideology, but if you want to upgrade it in more literature-non consuming thing, the spoiler is hopefully helps, maybe (since I haven't really made research about this, just personal opinion)

 

 

In my opinion, this is better being a poet or prose, since this is very abstract, it's not clear in what fighting he's in, why he wants to be average, etc. I mean I know what he is feeling, but that's it, abstract. If I may suggest, maybe you'll consider this form to express the feeling more widely:

 

I hoped,

wanted,

dreamed,

---------About this world

(remove the strips, it's just to give spacing)

This is just plain suggestion, you're the writer, it is up to you to do things

 

If you insist to become story, you may will consider to add more description, like

 

Every night, on my bed I look up to the ceiling and with blur vision imagining a world I wanted, and watched over time it changed and grew darker and more frightful...

 

or something like that, maybe

 

This story is best fits as a diary, there's a form of literature that is based on diary to be studied namely Sarashina nikki, though I haven't seen any example of it, so actually I haven't really know whether it helps or not, but maybe you want to check it yourself

 

 

 

[4Everbee 1,365]

best....emo.....story.....EVER I LOVE IT it made me more sad:( BUT IT STILL AWSOME I LOVE