I guess I'm just going to ramble here...

[VisitJoan 2,713]

Hey guys. I know I haven't been on that much. I've been dealing with a lot and I think it would help if I wrote everything down.

 

I started college with an idea. I wanted to be a video game designer, but I knew that wasn't all that practical, so I went into compeuter science. I was doing really well until about three years in when my OCD took a huge tumble (that was about a week after I joined this site). Since then, I haven't been back to 100% where I was. My motivation for computer science disappeared, and I started to realize that it wasn't really what I wanted to do. But by then, I had gone too far to back out so I dealt with it and got the degree. Around that time, I started feeling that nobody wanted to hire me. I graduated in May 2015. I did look at some jobs but nothing really interested me. There was nothing that I found worth the risk of sticking myself out there. Since then, the friends I had at school quit talking to me even when I tried to talk to them. Others made it very clear that they didn't want me around. The icing on the cake was when the person I considered my closest friend got engaged and completely cut me out of her small wedding. If situations had been reversed, I would have asked her to be my Maid of Honor, and she doesn't even invite me to hers. I didn't go to many dances in high school and so I told my self not to worry because one day my friends would get married. I've seen classmates on Facebook go to and be in weddings and I patiently waited my turn. Now it's here and I don't even get to be a part of it. After that she wouldn't text or call me back. I found out via her sister's facebook post that something had happened and I found out via some random person's photo that she was alright. I knew I had to start fresh in 2017 so I let her go. I had to end a friendship I had for 14 years and it kinda hurts because she was a close friend for so long. We hadn't been seeing in other all that regularly because we were both busy living our lives. But she got to keep her friends and my entire life has just fallen apart. I was counting on her and she let me down. So now I'm down to two friends, both of whom live hundreds of miles away and I can't make new ones. I mean I know how, but none of the ways I know are relevant anymore. So after all this, how am I supposed to expect someone to choose me for a job? I know I need to get one, but I just can't go through the interview prosscess. I can't put myself out there again. It scares me. I'm going to look stupid and I I'll probably have to answer some really awkward questions. I just can't see anyone choosing me for anything, so I've given up, but I can't go on like this anymore.

 

Thank you if you read all that. My life's become a mess and it's good to know I have people here who have my back.

[The 13th Kenpachi 4,279]

I know how it is to lose ties like that, I had a best friend of about 10 years who moved schools and he just never put in the effort of reaching out or responding to me after he left. If she cut you out of her own wedding after 14 years of friendship for no reason then she was clearly never your friend in the first place, you're better off finding new friends. Trust me, Social Media is the biggest illusion known to man. I could be up to my eyeballs in debt but so long as I post an instagram photo of me by the pool on a hot day my followers will think my life is perfect. I'm sure your 'friend''s life is not perfect at all. Don't believe all the fancy photos you see on Facebook either, all her 'friends' may very well be saying spiteful things behind her back... Quantity does not equal quality, it's best to have 2 real friends that care than 12 acquaintances. As for making friends, I suggest you become less reliant on others and more reliant on yourself, trying to make friends when you are 'giving up' on everything will land you in an awkward position. It's good to have friends, but also it's good to be your own best friend.

 

You said computer science isn't what you want to do? Then don't even bother going for that type of job, you'll spend the rest of your life miserable. Evaluate what things you enjoy doing and see if you can find a job or university course in those specific things (I know going back through to uni/college will take 2-3 years, but would you rather be doing something you have no passion for?). CS is a broad degree so you could look into a field of CS that interests you, you could become a software tester or work for a website. You'll have to do some research into that but definitely don't do something that you dislike or have no interest in.

Edited February 25, 2017 by The 13th Kenpachi

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Ah, so you seem to be disheartened and troubled, eh?

 

Well, what I can say is that people have multiple faces, and sometimes, the ones who claim are your friends aren't what they seem! Like Master Kenpachi said, that friend of yours was never even a friend at all if she treated you the way she did.  My advice is that you believe in your heart of hearts that you can find better friends, and in turn, I know that lifelong friends will find you, and you'll form strong bonds that'll last a lifetime! Trust me, everyone ends up having at least one lifelong friend that becomes family, and I know you'll find yours! Just keep a positive outlook on things!  Live your life and don't fret over your ex-friend's life. She's probably relaxing and not giving a care in the world, so you should let loose and not tie yourself to past emotions regarding this friend. What causes you pain should not be in your life, is what I mean.

 

As for your job troubles, believe me, I know it's a struggle! Jobs aren't easy to come by, and I had to work hard to get my current job, but all the agonizing and waiting and hardship was worth it!  If you can't find a job in areas that you love, try going for something that'll at least help you economically until you can put yourself together and chase down your real passions!  Like me, for instance! I'm working at my town's supermarket, saving up money slowly but surely so that when I have enough, I can go into studying Art, so I can hopefully one day be a Comic Book Artist or Mangaka! Though voice acting and writing are also things that I would like to venture in! In other words, what I'm trying to say here is, expand your horizons and find multiple things that could lead to potential happy careers for you! I know you can do it!

 

May your heart be your guiding key!