Journey to Barnes & Noble. Wear suitable "I'm a grownup who purchased alcohol the other day" garment. Pretend outfit is significantly different from any outfit I'd wear when venturing outside.
Head to third floor. Acknowledge distance from destination to cashier on first floor.
Novel is in teen section. Damn it. Teen section is an off-limit zone for me, but must proceed with mission.
Employee station is one row away from destination. Employee is smiling at me. I think she knows. She can smell my shame.
Go behind station to fantasy/sci-fi section. Examine a book about dragons. No shame in that. I like dragons. And better to be a geek than to be that geek.
Approach teen section from other side. Mentally note the teens reading manga on the floor. Cannot judge. Inside, we're the same.
Spot novel in middle of shelf. Colorful, with Disney characters. Automatically noticeable even amidst other teen fare. A teenager and her mother are in section. Have no choice. Proceed with mission.
Swoop in, grab novel, swoop out. Target acquired.
Cashier on first floor, I'm on third. Three whole floors of carrying novel. Cover too distinct to be casual. Carry book in same hand carrying laptop bag. Cannot completely obscure. Back cover with Disney princesses faces out. Princesses slightly less iconic than Donald, Goofy, and weird animu kid.
Wear facial expression of part irony and part embarrassment. Or expression is unreadable. Cannot tell. Can hopefully pretend I'm purchasing book for kid brother. (I have no younger sibling.)
Have cashiers on third floor oh thank godyes. Two cashiers. Go to one that looks friendlier. Maybe she'll judge me less, or will outwardly show it less. Cashier smiles. Asks if I want Barnes & Noble membership. I decline. No outward indication of judgement. Key word: "outward."
Purchase. Novel safely tucked hidden in bag.
VACATE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. Cannot let anyone trace scent of shame to me.
Escape to Starbucks different from one in Barnes & Noble. Am currently keeping low profile with laptop, coffee, and Terry Pratchett novel. KH novel hiding in car, still in bag and beneath a computer technician study book.
Will possibly do proper evaluation of fruits of conquest at later date. Must read in private, where shame-stink can be hidden. Mission accomplished, Draco. Mission accomplished.
Journey to Barnes & Noble. Wear suitable "I'm a grownup who purchased alcohol the other day" garment. Pretend outfit is significantly different from any outfit I'd wear when venturing outside.
Head to third floor. Acknowledge distance from destination to cashier on first floor.
Novel is in teen section. Damn it. Teen section is an off-limit zone for me, but must proceed with mission.
Employee station is one row away from destination. Employee is smiling at me. I think she knows. She can smell my shame.
Go behind station to fantasy/sci-fi section. Examine a book about dragons. No shame in that. I like dragons. And better to be a geek than to be that geek.
Approach teen section from other side. Mentally note the teens reading manga on the floor. Cannot judge. Inside, we're the same.
Spot novel in middle of shelf. Colorful, with Disney characters. Automatically noticeable even amidst other teen fare. A teenager and her mother are in section. Have no choice. Proceed with mission.
Swoop in, grab novel, swoop out. Target acquired.
Cashier on first floor, I'm on third. Three whole floors of carrying novel. Cover too distinct to be casual. Carry book in same hand carrying laptop bag. Cannot completely obscure. Back cover with Disney princesses faces out. Princesses slightly less iconic than Donald, Goofy, and weird animu kid.
Wear facial expression of part irony and part embarrassment. Or expression is unreadable. Cannot tell. Can hopefully pretend I'm purchasing book for kid brother. (I have no younger sibling.)
Have cashiers on third floor oh thank god yes. Two cashiers. Go to one that looks friendlier. Maybe she'll judge me less, or will outwardly show it less. Cashier smiles. Asks if I want Barnes & Noble membership. I decline. No outward indication of judgement. Key word: "outward."
Purchase. Novel safely tucked hidden in bag.
VACATE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. Cannot let anyone trace scent of shame to me.
Escape to Starbucks different from one in Barnes & Noble. Am currently keeping low profile with laptop, coffee, and Terry Pratchett novel. KH novel hiding in car, still in bag and beneath a computer technician study book.
Will possibly do proper evaluation of fruits of conquest at later date. Must read in private, where shame-stink can be hidden. Mission accomplished, Draco. Mission accomplished.