SoraDaxjer28 263 Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) Here Is My Entry Into The Competition In Honor Of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days -Volume 4 Manga- Being Released. Please Enjoy!! SORA'S SURPRISE It was a bright, sunny day. The clouds were absent as the doors to the school burst open. Dozens of teenagers stampeded out of the building with cheers of glee. The semester was finished and winter break had officially started. There were five weeks of fun and excitement awaiting across the tropical archipelago the local residents called the Destiny Islands. Among the numerous students leaving the building was a now-seventeen-year-old young man with brown hair that was spiked. He was wearing his typical blue-and-black jacket over a navy-blue shirt, red-and-black shorts, and slightly-oversized black-and-yellow shoes that appeared to be ready to slip off any second. Around his upper body was a dark-blue bag that seemed to weigh him down on the right. Fortunately, it wasn't enough to slow him down as he rushed down the steps and into the late afternoon sunshine. His azure eyes were filled with enthusiasm and anticipation when they met the sun's rays. He smiled so brilliantly, it would seem his teeth were producing light of their own. Tossing a now-broken pencil aside, he raised his arms into the air and dashed down the sidewalk with a cheerful shout. "Yahoo!" Sora declared with tons of thrilling emotion. "Hooray! Finally, school's out!" As he was about to rush down the street ahead, his mom's voice crossed his mind. "Do not come home without your sister, Sora. She's not ready to walk home by herself." Sora sighed at the recollection. True, he had remembered his mother's reminder... but why'd it have to be at the last second? He solemnly strolled up to a nearby swing set and hopped onto one of the swings. Gazing up into the sky, he noticed a few, small clouds had appeared. One of them seemed to resemble Donald Duck yelling at someone. Another appeared to be Goofy slipping on a skateboard. With his smile returning, Sora had to shake his head. Although it had only been a few months since Master Xehanort had been defeated, and Sora himself had been declared an official "Keyblade Master" like Riku and King Mickey, it still seemed to be an eternity ago. He missed going out on thrilling adventures with his friends. There was no need to use his Keyblade now that the Heartless weren't a threat -- only an extremely-endangered species -- so he had no choice but to resume life back on the islands. It wasn't very much fun now that he was older and had more responsibility... and chores. School had also become a robotic routine. Getting up early in the morning... going to school for eight and a half long hours... dragging back home... doing dull assignments for class... rowing out to the island to watch the sunset... heading home just after dark... going to bed for the next ten hours... and repeating this cycle day after day after day after day after day. Sora gave another sigh. If only he could save the worlds from Xehanort one more time. If only he could rewind the clock and relive history just once more. If only he could be with Donald and Goofy on another major quest. If only he could see his friends in the other worlds. If only he could.... The bell rang. Sora glanced up and watched as several teenagers sprinted out of the school building at the speed of Light. One of the few who broke free from the main crowd approached the swings. It was a girl with sand-colored hair who was at least fifteen years old. Thanks to her shiny, blue eyes, yellow headband, pink shirt and matching skirt, red jacket, and blue tennis shoes, Sora immediately recognized her. He knew he had to smile every time at her happy-go-lucky personality. This was his little sister -- Amemi. "Sora," Amemi said in her usual excited-sounding voice. "It's time to go home. Do you want to go home?" "Yeah," Sora replied, leaping from the swing. "Let's go." Amemi shook her head with her smile showing brighter than before. "Does it have to do with today being such a 'special 'day?" she inquired. "It's only been a few months since you returned. Mom, Dad, and I missed you... " Sora had to agree. Although he had been busy eliminating Xehanort with Donald, Goofy, and the others, he had always had the feeling he wanted to see his family again, too. Of course, he tended to think of his friends as family, but it just wasn't the same. Nevertheless, that was all over. Today was his birthday. And he was going to make it the best day possible -- no matter what! "I missed you guys, too," the spikey, brown-headed now-Keyblade Master acknowledged. "From now on, no matter what happens, you can come along." Amemi's eyes lit up in surprise. "Really?!" she exclaimed. "I won't bother you? Kairi said you told her she'd get in your way." "No, no," Sora rushed in his response. "I mean it! If Master Yen Sid wants me, Donald, and Goofy to protect the worlds, you can come, too." Amemi stepped forwards and gave Sora a hug. She squeezed so tight, he had to temporarily gasp for air. A few, tiny tears slid down her cheeks. "Thank you so much!" Sora had to wait for Amemi to release her grip before he started down the road towards their house. "Don't mention it! Let's get going." Before long, the two were strolling home. Amemi was skipping along with a bright smile that showed the braces on her upper mouth. Sora smiled brightly as he looked into the sky above. Spotting the two clouds from before still overhead, his smile rapidly faded and the longing to be with his friends crept back into his heart. The sun was starting to set when Sora and Amemi finally returned home. The house was a two-story, wooden structure with a red roof, white walls, and blue window-frames constructed approximately ten yards from the entrance to the beach. From there, one of the main island's long docks was accessible; Sora often would see fishermen lounging around there on the weekends, hoping for a bite or more than four. With his bedroom window facing the horizon with the smaller, children's play island in view, the sunrise came the quickest for Sora's room. When he was younger, this wasn't much of a problem. Now, it was an annoyance; Sora often had to throw two or so pillows over his face to keep the sunlight and sleep a little longer. As they approached the front door, a flicker of colorful lights flashed inside the living room window. Wondering what as happening, Sora and Amemi hurried to the door and found it unlocked. This was normal; their mom tended to leave the door unlocked whenever she was expecting someone coming in. Inside the house, the two found their mother trying to place a string of lights onto a fluffy, green tree in he exact middle of the room. Her long, sandy hair was tied into a ponytail and a little tangled up in the electrical cords. The bright blue apron tied around her waist was covered in miniature pine needles, her red-and-yellow shirt was stained with butter from popcorn, and her long, blue skirt was significantly wrinkled. At once, her bare feet slipped and the tree toppled over as she landed onto the floor, the blinking lights wrapped around her arms. Sora had to shake his head. His mom had always been a little clumsy... but this was just plain ridiculous. It strongly reminded him of when Goofy had been bumped on the head by a piece of debris after shoving King Mickey aside. He, Donald, and the King had been convinced the knight was dead after slamming head-first into a stone wall and was not waking up. Later, when Goofy came marching over in one piece, Donald had slammed his wand onto the former's foot and made him shout in pain; the duck had shown his anger at being worried for nothing by snapping, "Don't you ever do that again!" He sighed again. His mind was consistently returning to his friends. Hopefully he could see the pair just one more time -- even if they were living in another, distant world. The only thing that could make his day any better was seeing Donald and Goofy on his particular day of all days. "Sora, Amemi," his mother said, spotting the two standing in the open doorway. "Could you help me out of this?" Amemi rushed over in an instant while Sora slowly stepped over; he was still deep in thought. Even as he pair untangled the middle-aged woman, he was pondering over whether or not anything would make this day seem better. Maybe if he could see Donald and Goofy right now... that would liven the mood in the blink of an eye. The doorbell rang. Sora finished getting his mom out of the tangled mess of wires and cables as Amemi stepped up to the door. She looked out the still-open doorway and unleashed an audible gasp of excitement. "It's... it's... it's... it's a mouse! And two ducks! And a talking dog with a hopping cricket!" Sora spun around and his eyes filled with such happiness, a few drops of water formed in them. Into the house stepped a short mouse with large round ears, a small white duck wearing a blue sailor's uniform, and a tall hunched dog with enormous feet; a tiny cricket with a top hat and umbrella was situated on the dog' shoulder. Behind them, a large, muscular duck with a giant bill stepped in with his hands full of wrapped packages. One look at how the duck was wearing a pilot's uniform, Sora instantly recognized him alongside the others. "Donald!" Sora exclaimed. "Goofy! Your Majesty! Launchpad! Jiminy!" Goofy glanced at the teenager as the latter rushed over. "A-Hyuck!" he said to the others. "Here comes Sora." Sora grabbed his friends in a humungous group hug. He squeezed so hard, Donald turned blue. "I thought you'd never come!" he said in an enthusiastic-sounding voice. "Gawrsh," Goofy said as Sora released his grip. "We'd never miss Christmas with you, Sora." Sora was startled. "'Christmas'? Don't you mean 'Happy Birthday, Sora'?" Goofy looked surprised. "Gee," he said. "It's your birthday?" "Yeah," Donald agreed, equally baffled. "It's Christmas! Oh boy! I can't wait for my presents!" "Which my hands are full of," Launchpad added. "I can't carry them much longer." Amemi hurried over as the upper boxes slipped from the pilot's hands. She caught them all one-by-one. "Thank goodness!" she remarked. "That was way too close!" "Yup!" King Mickey affirmed. "Those are the presents for Christmas." Sora was downright stunned. Had everyone forgotten today wasn't Christmas? It was his birthday! He had just tuned seventeen that morning, and nobody was acknowledging it. "Yeah," he sighed in total disappointment. He walked towards the door. "I'm gonna go for a little walk." "Huh?" Goofy inquired aloud. "Where're ya goin', Sora?" "I don't know," Sora answered. He remained silent as he strolled outside. Looking around the driveway, Sora spotted Riku and Kairi approaching his house. He rushed over with a cheerful smile. "Riku! Kairi!" Riku smirked at his friend. "You're sure excited about Christmas," he muttered aloud. "Don't forget, there's no such thing as Santa." Sora was shocked. Had Riku also forgotten today was his birthday? Had Kari forgotten, too? No way! She's never forget such an important day! Then again, he had to check and make sure. "Kairi," Sora said, turning to face her. "Do you know what today is?" "December 14TH," Kairi replied. A gentle started to blow through her auburn hair. "Ten days before Christmas Eve." "No, no," Sora stated. "I mean, is there anything special about today? Perhaps about me?" "Well," Kairi hesitated in her response. "It is the last day of school. We're on winter break until January 5TH next year." Sora couldn't believe his ears. Not only had Donald, Goofy, and the others in the house forgotten his birthday, but even Kairi had allowed it to slip her mind. He gave an especially deep sigh before allowing his head to fall and his shoulders to slump. "Yeah... guess I'll see ya around," Sora added before dragging down the road towards the beach. He didn't even to turn back and watch the two head into his house. The sun was still setting as Sora sat on the beach. He gave another very deep sigh. "How could this have happened?" How had it happened? Today was supposed to be a very special day -- his 17TH Birthday, but nothing seemed to be working out in his favor. His mom was bustling around trying to set up the decorations around the house and his sister was helping her out. Riku and Kairi weren't helping them set up for a birthday party. King Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Jiminy, and Launchpad had travelled all the way from Disney Castle to celebrate... celebrate Christmas, that is. No one had brought him birthday presents; they were solely for Christmas. Christmas this... Christmas that... was all he had heard lately. Sora hated having his birthday about two weeks before such an important holiday -- especially after Riku had convinced him Santa Clause wasn't real. All that had caused was the brown-headed youth not receiving a single present three years in a row. He had longed to get revenge over this for quite some time.... "This isn't far," Sora sighed once more. He laid onto his back in the sand. The sun's rays were fading out for the cool night air. He gave a yawn and stretched his arms out. In a matter of minutes, Sora was fast asleep on the beach. "Sora ain't gonna go anywhere!" "You'd betray your king?" "Not on your life! But I'm not gonna betray Sora either! He's become one of my best buddies after all we've been through together!" "See ya later, Donald! Could ya tell the King I'm really sorry?" Hold on, Goofy! We'll tell him together!" "Well, you know... 'All For One And One For All'." "I guess you're stuck with us, Sora." "Thanks Donald, Goofy." "How will you fight without a weapon?" "Now I know I don't need the Keyblade. I've got a better weapon -- my heart." "Your heart? What good will that weak, little thing do for you?" "Although my heart may be weak, it is not alone. It has grown with each new experience, and it has found a home with all the friends I've made. I've become a part of theirs -- just as they've become a part of mine. If they think of me now and then, if they don't forget me, then our hearts will be one." "I don't need a weapon. My friends are my power!" Sora slowly reopened his eyes. The stars were out and a cool wind blew as he gradually sat up. Noticing how it was pitch-black, he gave another yawn before lying back down. A sandy-haired girl with shiny, blue eyes was peering down at him. "Whoa!" he exclaimed, leaping to his feet. He spun around only to see Amemi giggling with her right hand over her mouth. "Give me a break, Amemi!" "Kairi was right," his sister said in turn. "You really are lazy. Sora, why do you always sleep on the beach?" Sora shrugged. "I don't know," he replied. "I guess... I really want to see my friends." Amemi smiled. "They're all waiting at the house. Come on! We'll be late!" "Huh?" a surprised Sora said. "Late for what?" Amemi's smile grew. "You'll see. Race you there!" Amemi sped off in a hurry. Sora took off after her. "No fair!" he shouted. "You got a head start!" "That's life!" Amemi returned. "Come on! Keep up!" Sora shook his head. This was no different than how Riku and him had used to compete not long ago. Before ten minutes had passed, the two were at the house. Sora was the first one to arrive, beating his sister by four seconds. Amemi knelt down to catch her breath. Sora reached for the doorknob, turned it, and stepped into a pitch-black room. As he walked inside, he raised his right hand to his mouth. "Hello?" A light flipped on to the right. "SURPRISE!" a number of familiar voice called out. Sora whirled his attention to the right. He froze in complete astonishment. Gathered around the dining room table were Donald, Goofy, Launchpad, King Mickey, Riku, Kairi, his mom, his dad, and Jiminy; the cricket was hopping up and down on the table. Everyone was wearing pointed party hats. Launchpad and Goofy were blowing party-favors, which seemed to irritate Donald. The table was covered by a stack of clean plates and silverware, a giant, five-layer, sea-green cake with chocolate frosting, and a large stack of presents. A banner above read "HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!". Sora's mouth fell open as he gave an amazed grin. He couldn't even find the words to say. "Wha--?" A sudden pain struck his chin. Feeling something strapped around his head, Sora reached up, only to feel a pointed party hat with a curved peak. He turned to find Amemi standing beside him. "Happy Birthday, Sora!" she said. Sora's eyes were starting to fill with tears. He rapidly wiped them away and smiled at everyone. "I... I thought you'd all forgotten today was my birthday." King Mickey chucked aloud. "We'd never forget your birthday, Sora. Ya really are a true friend!" Sora smiled all the more. It was short-lived. Kairi stepped forwards until she was two feet from the spikey-haired youth. "I think you're old enough for this," she said. In one swift movement, the auburn-headed girl leaned in close and pecked Sora on his cheek with her lips. She jumped back in an instant, leaving Sora looking startled. A feeling of uneasiness and humility showed on his face as his cheeks started to turn a faint shade of red. Donald, Goofy, and Riku started snickering. Riku shook his head and smiled when Donald muttered, "He'll never admit he'd got a girlfriend." "A-Hyuck! Yup!" Goofy approved. "That's our Sora!" Riku had to smile all the more. "Too bad this day only comes once a year." THAT'S ALL THAT ENDS WELL!! Edited November 1, 2014 by SoraDaxjer28 2 Weedanort and Grotesquery reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grotesquery 603 Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) Ouch. Let me just say, judging this one is going to be really, really hard. (Let the records show that I am not actually a judge, just a concerned citizen.) First off, I absolutely love how this story started. Reading through the first few paragraphs, I was literally preparing myself to be blown away. Sora was portrayed so well in the first half; you managed to perfectly capture his energetic and loving nature as well as his innocence. In addition, the idea of Sora having a sister doesn’t actually bother me. In fact, I was excited to see where you would take her character. Unfortunately, she didn’t really have much to do throughout the story, which I think was a missed opportunity. I know she was introduced for a very specific purpose, but I still think she could have been a more dynamic character. While that’s a flaw I could easily overlook, I’m afraid the next one is simply too glaring to ignore. My God, what happened to this story mid-way? It started off SO well, but then just plummeted into a dark crypt of cliché and bad feelings. There’s literally an entire tone-shift from the first half to the second, and it really doesn’t make much sense. There’s an old saying I’ve heard recently, you should more or less sum up the meaning of your story within the first few paragraphs/sentences/chapters/whatever. The overall tone you want, your narrative style, all of it should be set in stone at the beginning. Of course, you want to keep some surprises in store for your readers, but that does NOT apply to Sora’s birthday. I mean, what? It’s Sora’s birthday? THAT’s what this story is about? Then why wasn’t it mentioned earlier, like when Sora was waiting for his sister on the swing set? Instead, we have the entire point of this story literally thrown up right in the middle, the most sensitive part of the whole thing. This throws everything out of wack and completely changes the tempo of the story. Sadly, this renders the first half of the kind of pointless, which was ironically the best part, in my opinion. And while we’re on the subject of tone-shifts, what was up with Sora? How did we go from an almost flawless characterization to something I literally almost can’t recognize? I understand your intention, but it just didn’t work out in my eyes. In fact, it actually makes me kind of frustrated seeing Sora portrayed in such a gullible light. For one, I don’t believe Sora is stupid. He’s naïve and maybe a little slow, but he has a great deal of faith in his friends, and he’d never go into such a dark place as he did in this story. If you want to show that though, that’s great! In fact, I encourage it. It makes Sora more of a dynamic character, but you just can’t resolve it in the way you did. Instead of just having Sora go through that dark moment, then having people pull him out and say “OH HEY WE ACTUALLY JUST TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS SORRY FOR PUTTING YOU THROUGH EMOTIONAL TORMENT WE’RE CHILL RIGHT”, let him reach that conclusion himself. Let him doubt, but then find his faith again. Don’t just do it for the sake of something different. Aside from that, I think there are a lot of other missed opportunities here. For one, I feel Riku and Kairi could have played a bigger role (they are his best friends), but there’s nothing wrong with what you did with them, so I can’t complain there (even though they were both a little bland). But the biggest loss, in my opinion, was the fact that you really didn’t go much in depth with many of the characters aside from Sora. Like, take Sora’s sister for example. Her brother was gone for an entire year with literally nothing to go on. Then he just shows up out of nowhere. And now, it’s his first birthday since that’s happened and she’s just skipping along like no one’s business? I understand what you were trying to go for, but I honestly just feel like there was so much missed potential here. Overall, the story itself is just okay. I don’t particularly dislike it, there’s just so many things about it that rustle me up. If this was your vision, then that’s great. Like I said, it’s not a bad story. I just hope that you can take something away from everything I’ve said here. Your grammar’s fine, you described everything in a wonderful way and it really suits the story. Just make sure to proof-read before you submit, I saw a few misplaced words here and there. Overall, a solid entry. I wish you the best of luck in the competition, and for all your days to follow. Chin up, Arcmin Edited October 31, 2014 by Arcmin 2 Joker and SoraDaxjer28 reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SoraDaxjer28 263 Posted October 31, 2014 Thank You So Very Much For The Feedback!! I'll admit, I'm used to writing much longer stories. If you want to know what I mean, look up "Kingdom Harts -- World Unto Dreams" on Fan-Fiction.net. That entire story revolves around the theme of Friendship, which is most-obvious later on. In fact, this particular short story is more along the lines of the opening for a much larger story. I just decided to write as far as what the Disney/Pixar movie, UP, went in its Prologue/Opening. That's why there's so much unused potential in it. I could probably spin-it-off and create some more to continue it, but that would be outside the competition. Although, I will say Sora's sister would be playing a major role in the full story version. As for Riku and Kairi, they weren't included until later because I wanted to show how much Sora missed his friends: Donald, Goofy, Jiminy, and King Mickey. Launchpad was added to hint at him playing some role in Master Xehanort's downfall; besides, I enjoy his characterization. The main point of THIS story was to show how Sora longed to be together with his friends, only to learn they weren't even focused on him; of course they were, but couldn't say so just yet. This would result in Sora feeling his longing to be reunited with them was all-for-nothing and feel completely discouraged -- like when he learned Axel had kidnapped Kairi in "Kingdom Hearts 2". The main focus WAS on Sora and his connections with his closest friends. Plus, I was thinking about how Sora would've felt when Donald and Goofy left him in "Kingdom Hearts 1" due to Riku being revealed as the Keyblade's Chosen One. The animation and voice-acting doesn't really show how they REALLY would have felt, so I decided to implement it into this story, too. Any typos in the text (I saw some of what you mentioned) were not in the original writing I had typed in Microsoft Word. I had to Retype the whole story on here because kh13's system won't allow me to copy and paste anything into it. Also, my computer runs slow on this website because it's not a secure one. This causes me to type slower and sometimes miss a letter because the website cannot keep up with my keyboard. Last, but not least, I was initially inspired to create this concept after reading a Donald Duck comic from 1994 in which Donald wished he was never born -- on his own birthday, because he believed no one remembered him and he had never made a difference. After his wish comes true, Donald learns how everything in Duckburg, let alone the entire world, would be upside-down had he never existed (i.e., Gyro Gearloose wouldn't be smart, Scrooge McDuck would be poor, Daisy would feel lonely, The Beagle Boys would've been forced to go straight and become policemen, etc.). I personally don't believe in the idea of "clichés". I find it nice to see someone different go through the conflict of another, completely-unrelated character. The general overview may be the same, but everyone DOES have their own unique perspective on life, which is what stands out the most in such events. Surely Donald's experience and Sora's reaction were NOT the same!! And finally, I wasn't aware of how its important to include the point of a story in its first few paragraphs. I always thought that was for writing Essays. I've taken a Creative Writing class at college, but not once was such a technique mentioned. Thank You For Letting Me Know About This!! Nevertheless, Thank You So Much For The Feedback!! It Shall Help Improve My Writing!! -- SoraDaxjer28 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joker 1,560 Posted October 31, 2014 i like this one. id vote for it if i was on the staff team 1 SoraDaxjer28 reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grotesquery 603 Posted October 31, 2014 Thank You So Very Much For The Feedback!! I'll admit, I'm used to writing much longer stories. If you want to know what I mean, look up "Kingdom Harts -- World Unto Dreams" on Fan-Fiction.net. That entire story revolves around the theme of Friendship, which is most-obvious later on. In fact, this particular short story is more along the lines of the opening for a much larger story. I just decided to write as far as what the Disney/Pixar movie, UP, went in its Prologue/Opening. That's why there's so much unused potential in it. I could probably spin-it-off and create some more to continue it, but that would be outside the competition. Although, I will say Sora's sister would be playing a major role in the full story version. As for Riku and Kairi, they weren't included until later because I wanted to show how much Sora missed his friends: Donald, Goofy, Jiminy, and King Mickey. Launchpad was added to hint at him playing some role in Master Xehanort's downfall; besides, I enjoy his characterization. The main point of THIS story was to show how Sora longed to be together with his friends, only to learn they weren't even focused on him; of course they were, but couldn't say so just yet. This would result in Sora feeling his longing to be reunited with them was all-for-nothing and feel completely discouraged -- like when he learned Axel had kidnapped Kairi in "Kingdom Hearts 2". The main focus WAS on Sora and his connections with his closest friends. Plus, I was thinking about how Sora would've felt when Donald and Goofy left him in "Kingdom Hearts 1" due to Riku being revealed as the Keyblade's Chosen One. The animation and voice-acting doesn't really show how they REALLY would have felt, so I decided to implement it into this story, too. Any typos in the text (I saw some of what you mentioned) were not in the original writing I had typed in Microsoft Word. I had to Retype the whole story on here because kh13's system won't allow me to copy and paste anything into it. Also, my computer runs slow on this website because it's not a secure one. This causes me to type slower and sometimes miss a letter because the website cannot keep up with my keyboard. Last, but not least, I was initially inspired to create this concept after reading a Donald Duck comic from 1994 in which Donald wished he was never born -- on his own birthday, because he believed no one remembered him and he had never made a difference. After his wish comes true, Donald learns how everything in Duckburg, let alone the entire world, would be upside-down had he never existed (i.e., Gyro Gearloose wouldn't be smart, Scrooge McDuck would be poor, Daisy would feel lonely, The Beagle Boys would've been forced to go straight and become policemen, etc.). I personally don't believe in the idea of "clichés". I find it nice to see someone different go through the conflict of another, completely-unrelated character. The general overview may be the same, but everyone DOES have their own unique perspective on life, which is what stands out the most in such events. Surely Donald's experience and Sora's reaction were NOT the same!! And finally, I wasn't aware of how its important to include the point of a story in its first few paragraphs. I always thought that was for writing Essays. I've taken a Creative Writing class at college, but not once was such a technique mentioned. Thank You For Letting Me Know About This!! Nevertheless, Thank You So Much For The Feedback!! It Shall Help Improve My Writing!! -- SoraDaxjer28 That's fine, and I appreciate your admiration for a source like that. I'd just say that a situation like this may not be the best to apply to a Kingdom Heart short story. I can't rescind any of my complaints about the depth of the story just because you plan on expanding it. I have to look at the story itself as if there will never be anything more or anything less, and its when I adapt that viewpoint that I start seeing the problems I mentioned. At the very least, I'm glad you can take constructive criticism. I hope my words will help you grow as a writer, in even the smallest of ways. 1 SoraDaxjer28 reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SoraDaxjer28 263 Posted November 1, 2014 No Problem!! I Actually Discovered There Was ONE Segment I Had Forgotten To Include The First Time!! It SHOULD Be In There Now!! Once Again, Thank You So Much For The Feedback!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
