Text Story planning

[KHLegendIII 709]

I'm thinking of making my own version of Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, it's exactly like the original one, but with some new characters, along with an additional 4th pupil, and a new enemy. The amount of chapters are to be determined. I plan on making a sequel which is my version of Kingdom Hearts III, with some  characters, well, some are based on some Metroid characters, but I don't want to spoil that. You can also submit ideas to me in pm, like for instance new characters. 

 

 

 

Anywho, here is the summary of my story, and as it's chapter 1. (The whole story will be placed in another thread.): 

 

 

 

 

"Four friends, four destinies.

Everything will link back to the beginning." 

 

 

On a world an island, with trees carrying paopu fruit, there is a sunset currently going on. A young man, slowly makes his way to the shores, and stands there, looking on at the sunset. He looked like a man with tanned skin, with semi long silver hair neck down, wearing a sleeveless shirt, black pants, and black boots. His back is turned to face the sunset.

???: This world......Is just too small......

The man after that, kept looking on, and on, wondering if he will ever see the outside world.

 

(Play theme.)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df_oGA0S2ZQ

 

Many years have passed, as the same man from before, now an old man, and he is now seen wearing a black coat of sort. He stand in the exact spot when he was a young man, and then he makes his way to one of the trees on a small part of the island, he is seen carrying a white cloth of sort, with something inside it. He places the sack on the tree that was nearly knocked down. The man looks upon the white cloth while folding his arms behind his back.

???: There....You see? A world....Like a prison.....I'm sure, that you'll think of it as home.....

 

 (End theme here.)

 

The face of a blond haired boy is seen within the cloth, with glazed blue eyes, as the wind blew past he slowly closed his eyes.

Then all of a sudden, blackness was shown, the boy was falling through it, like as if he was drowning.

???: Hey, where am I?

The boy heard this voice, despite him being knocked out, and he is seen slowly falling in the Darkness.

???: Who's there?

 

 

(Play this theme.)

 

 

 

 

The white cloth surrounding the boy then vanished as he kept falling towards a  white, almost broken platform, The boy slowly landed on his feet with no problems, he was then looking around for the sound of the voice.

???: I'm a brand new heart.

The boy is confused as he kept looking around slowly if the person that was talking to him was with him or not.

???: But this is......Why are you in my heart?

The boy waited for the voice to answer his question, he began waiting for the voice to answer him.

???: The Light brought me.....I saw it shining in the distance......And  followed it here...

The boy is  still a little confused, but believes how now has his answer, and places his hand over his chest, with one of his hands.

???: Yeah. That was my Light....

The boy then looks  upon the platform, with a sad look on his face looking at the fractured platform.

???: But my heart was fractured.....And now.....The little I have left is slipping away.....

The silence begins again for a brief moment, as the boy continued to keep his hand on his chest.

???: Then you should join your heart with mine....

The boy looks confused as he heard the voice, saying this to him he still looked upon the fractured platform, with his sad face.

???: Huh?

The platform suddenly shines a white Light, and the fractured spot is filled in fixed, as if nothing ever happened to it.

???: Nothing else will slip away....And one day....You'll be strong enough to win back the part that already did.

The boy raises his head a bit, this time he is as sad when he looked upon the platform.

???: Right. Thanks.

The boy lowered his head, and had closed his eyes as he clenched the hand over his chest into a fist, as blackness is shown again.

 (End theme here.)

???: It's time to wake up now. All we need to do now is.....

The boy raises his head, and opened his glazed blue eyes with a stern look on his face.

???: Open the door.

After the boy had said the words, the platform then shows an image of the boy, the color of the platform was now shown to be green, the boy looks around the platform and looks into the black sky. After a short moment of blackness the boy is no longer shown at the platform. Back at the island the man was staring at a different direction, with his arms still folded to his back, and he then walks away from the boy slowly. 

 

 (Play theme here.)

 

 

The boy slowly raises his hand, and in a flash of Light, a key-shaped weapon appears in it, the man looks back at the boy, and looks on surprised as he sees it.

???: A Keyblade!!!

Apperently he knows about a weapon named the Keyblade, and then a beam of Light was fired into the sky from it, and sparkles were forming in the sky, the man was then seen with a smirk on his face. The boy was watching the sparkles being created, and watched them disappear.

 

 

(End theme here.)

 

 

 

(End of Prolouge , I will make a topic where the main story will be posted, I will make one chapter per 2 weeks, so don't go bugging me when the next chapter is out.)

Edited December 25, 2012 by Tom13

[Weiss 8,279]

It sounds like it could be pretty interesting. Good luck with it and can't wait to see it!

[Velvet Scarlatina 607]

I'm thinking of making my own version of Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, it's exactly like the original one, but with some new characters, along with an additional 4th pupil, and a new enemy. The amount of chapters are to be determined. I plan on making a sequel which is my version of Kingdom Hearts III, with some  characters, well, some are based on some Metroid characters, but I don't want to spoil that. You can also submit ideas to me in pm, like for instance new characters. 

 

 

 

Anywho, here is the summary of my story.

 

I appear to have competition.

[KHLegendIII 709]

Updated the first post to show the prolouge, I'm ging to look upon BBS videos, so that I can keep track of the main events so it may take a while.)

[TraverseLight 133]

Whoa, amazing writing! Can't wait to read Chapter 2! ^^ I'm already wondering who the new character will be and what they'll be like

[KHLegendIII 709]

Whoa, amazing writing! Can't wait to read Chapter 2! ^^ I'm already wondering who the new character will be and what they'll be like

 

 

I will place chapter 2 and beyond in another thread that will be placed here, as chapter 1 was only the prolouge, but don't worry that will come in time.

[Weiss 8,279]

Pretty good prologue! Had me interested a lot! Can't wait to see more of it!

[TraverseLight 133]

I will place chapter 2 and beyond in another thread that will be placed here, as chapter 1 was only the prolouge, but don't worry that will come in time.

Sweet! ^^ Lemme know when you put it up in a couple of weeks! Merry Christmas Eve! ^^ (if it isn't Christmas for you yet, it's gonna be for me in a little under 2 hours! ^~^)

[KHLegendIII 709]

Allow me to warn you all, that I may not shown a lot of Terra, and Aqua because my version mainly focuses on Ventus, and one of my new characters, but at least some of their scenarios will be shown, and I will make some scenes focusing on Ventus, and my new character, especially my new villain to make up for that.

Edited December 25, 2012 by Tom13

[KHLegendIII 709]

Work on chapter 2 has started, but may take a while, but don't worry you will see it in due time.

[Think Pink 1,967]

Just a few tips:

First of all, this is a story, correct? Then please don't write in script form, as it isn't appropriate and is annoying to read. It also leads to very little description. As for the overall plot, you should think about adding some more differentiation. Simply adding a new character and enemy really isn't new or exciting. KH fanfics all tend to look alike, so you're going to have to do a lot more work with this to keep it from looking like every other fanfic.

[KHLegendIII 709]

Just a few tips:

First of all, this is a story, correct? Then please don't write in script form, as it isn't appropriate and is annoying to read. It also leads to very little description. As for the overall plot, you should think about adding some more differentiation. Simply adding a new character and enemy really isn't new or exciting. KH fanfics all tend to look alike, so you're going to have to do a lot more work with this to keep it from looking like every other fanfic.

 

 

There will be differences, especially with the villain I shall introduce, this is just a prolouge after all, the rest fo the chapters won't be like this and as I said I plan on making more scenes than the original BBS. Don't worry.

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Wow, this sounds very interesting.  I look forward to reading more.