KHBbS Dave rewrites Birth By Sleep

[Dave 5,715]

Since you're better storytellers than Nomura and the folks at Squeenix, how do you think the series would've ended up

So the rewrites start upon the Mark of Mastery exam.

 

The first thing I would change is that Terra begins to lose against Aqua, and lose badly. Terra responds by doing something unsavory. Perhaps by blasting her in the face with a small fire spell. Noting obscene, just enough to establish that the thought of not becoming a Master is indeed grievous enough to drive him to do something unseemly. Now, immediately after doing this, he instantly regrets it and tries to help Aqua up. What this would do is show that he does indeed have problems with ego and is potentially corrupt. In turn, this fuels Eraquas to doubt Terra with far more legitimate reasons than just having blueberry stains on his hand, and also develops Terra’s character in that he obviously cares for his friends still, but has savage anger management issues.

 

Then, when he fails, it’s a double whammy: it’s not just “Eraquas is a big light Nazi jerk face boo hoo woe is Terra,” it’s the fact that Terra just tried to blast his friend in the face because he couldn’t stand the thought of losing. It makes us understand where Eraquas is coming from, develops Terra’s character and makes him much more susceptible to Darkness, and also sets up Terra for some good angst, as he tries to come to grips with the fact that his failing was indeed his own fault, and he knows it. Then, in order to try and ease the guilt, he accepts Xehanort’s words of comfort on a more ready subconscious basis. He doesn’t want to think of himself as a bad guy, so he tries to accept any kind of rationality which can pull him back up.

 

In turn, this helps out Aqua. She still cares for her lifelong friend, but now begins to have seeds of doubt laid. It’s clear that, perhaps, he can’t be trusted, and that he wasn’t ready for the exam. There’s now more of a reason for her to try and take a step back and look at Terra from a level she’s never seen him before: that of a potential threat. Not overtly and immediate, but again, subconscious. This might also help bolster her own ego and sense of righteousness. One of my problems in Aqua’s story arc is that she is set up to be the responsible one, but winds up being incredibly passive, because she has no motivations to do what she is told. Now, she feels that there is a very good reason to listen to Eraquas, and when she is told to watch Terra, she’s going to do it with more conviction.

 

Eraquas himself also should not be hoodwinked and duped like a chump. There’s only two masters present at the exam, and Eraquas would know that it wasn’t him that made the light balls go beserk. Thus, he might give Xehanort a stern talking to after the exam, first to show that he himself has a spine, and also to develop the relationship between the two. Eraquas would know that Xehanort has plans, but not what exactly, and he might not want to outright accuse his old friend of something dastardly. It’s a friendship, but a friendship on the rocks, or indeed is being held together only by Eraquas having issues coming to grips. That right there would develop Eraquas by droves: he has deep mistrust against darkness, but his oldest friend is an advocate of it, and Eraquas needs to rationalize that. He can’t gain this level of depth if he never questions Xehanort.

 

Now, as for why Terra and Aqua get sent out. There needs to be a bigger threat than the Unversed. Because they suck. They don’t do anything. I would actually start hinting at the coming of the Heartless here. Make a vague mentioning of shadowy bugs who are starting to consume people’s hearts, and that they need investigation. This hints towards future games and helps build the threat of the coming Heartless, and helps build a feeling of dread for the player: in Hitchcock style, the audience knows who these creatures are and what they’re capable of, but the characters don’t, and thus you wait to see if they fall victim to what you think is coming. Also, the idea of Xehanort disappearing I would cut. He left the island about two minutes ago, and suddenly he’s missing? That would take some doing.

 

Into this comes Ven. Now, when Vanitas comes barging into his room and says that bad things are about to happen to Terra, Ven should not sit idly by, listen to every word he says, and then do exactly what Vanitas tells him. What he ought to do is inform one or more of the three people he lives with and tell them that a creepy boy in a mask just committed breaking and entry. If he tells Eraquas and Aqua at the same time, then Eraquas would know that his most unstable pupil (Terra) is likely in some kind of danger, and sends Aqua after him. Aqua, in turn, also thinks that Terra is in a bad mental state, and is more obliged to go and spy. Ven, naturally, is concerned as well, but I would have Ven kept back NOT because he is a walking potential bio weapon, but because he it is clear that he is naïve and inexperienced. It’s not that Eraquas is trying to crush him, but trying to protect him. The father-son relationship is developed, and again, Eraquas walks off from this as a nice guy who genuinely cares, not as a nut case who sits on his island all day and curses that dark. Also, when Ven leaves, it is more of an emotional journey: he feels like he is actually doing wrong by leaving, but at the same time, he can’t handle the idea that Terra might be in danger.

 

Next: Traveling to other worlds...

Edited October 24, 2012 by Dave

[darkchaser 788]

wow really awesome. I cant wait for the rest of it

[dusk 910]

Wow this is very good! (as most of your posts)

I have always thought that something like this would have benefit BBS really much, actually if Square would have thought it little bit longer, before just smashing all of their ideas to one weird piece that is full of plot holes, they could have made something like this.

Dave for scriptwriter of Square 2012!

[TheApprenticeofKingMickey 3,689]

THE NEW TETSUYA NOMURA EVERYBODY!

 

I have nothing intelligent to add except that I really, really, really loved that. c:

[Kishira 2,854]

Interesting...interesting indeed. σωσ

[Ruran 481]

You and hatok. Quit reading my mind.

 

Firstly, I would add an extended prologue like in KH1&2. I know why they quit doing this, because they tend to be boring only giving the player mindless busy work to do put it also give the player time to get the know the characters before shit starts happening and gives you a before and after contrast. Like, Aqua and Terra are the ones that were supposed to have changed after the MoM put I never got to understand what that change is. Aqua was supposed to have gotten cockier after being named master but I didn't get to know her character enough before hand to see a difference and it's the same with Terra and his descent into darkness.

 

TL;DR There was a missed opportunity for some good character development.

 

I would have the characters hang around LoD for a while longer just letting the player experience the character's daily lives and be accustomed to how they are before the MoM happens and things start going down hill. Do somethings before hand that pre-establishes Terra as a sore loser but still the big brother or Aqua as the know-it-all teachers pet who's still sisterly. Maybe even how Aqua's know-it-all attitude and Terra's need to win attitude clash but not so bad that they don't forgive each other shortly after to contrast how their relationship becomes later on when they're near beyond forgiving each other. Terra's been shown to tease Aqua for being a "girl" expand on that a little. Ven can remain the clueless little brother for the time that Terra and Aqua argue over knowing what's best for him.

 

During the MoM rather than MX manipulating the harmless balls of light have it be Vanitas. Or maybe have him send in some Unversed while he's add it. Perhaps Eraqus feels a strange darkness emanating from somewhere in the castle but it disappears before he could do anything about it. Later on when Vanitas goes to talk with Ven, Ven tells the others about "the boy in the mask", MX included, and Eraqus suspects that he was the source off the darkness. Feeling that darkness may soon try and breach the sanctity of LoD this gives him motivation to stay behind to protect the place in case Vanitas comes back. While he sends his Terra to find out about the boy, the Unversed, and maybe some other threats, Eraqus asks MX if he'll stay and help protect their old home with him. Here the two have a conversation about the past, about what happened before, and how their master choose Eraqus as the master of LoD and it's his responsibly to take care of it before MX leaves saying that he has other important matters to tend to but that he'll keep an eye out for Vanitas.

 

Little does everyone else know that Vanitas was a red hearing to keep them off of MX's trial while he secretly worked to attain world domination. Dun dun DUUUUUUUN!

 

...Well not really "dun dun dun" but you know what I mean. MX was always a suspect he was innocent until proven guilty. I'd also have him try to cuddle up to everyone until the end. Not seeing him interact with Aqua is I think another missed opportunity.

[Arietomas 15]

Awesome they should have done something like this

[LibertaerGER 5]

In turn, this fuels Eraquas to doubt Terra with far more legitimate reasons than just having blueberry stains on his hand, and also develops Terra’s character in that he obviously cares for his friends still, but has savage anger management issues.

For what reasons? Was he still afraid to loose and less selfconfident like it used to be? Anger is allways related to something inside you.

 

Draw the line with flash backs would be a great idea and let the story unfold.

Edited October 24, 2012 by LibertaerGER

[Pyrrha Nikos 1,162]

That is really awesome writing you did there Dave!

 

I only wish Birth by Sleep turned out to be that way -__-

[imademyfangirl 8]

Dude Birth by Sleep would have been so much better if this was what happened...

 

Y U NO SUBMIT UR IDEAS?!?!?!?

[Ultima Weapon 71]

that's a good story, way better than the original