_EPISODE 1_

 

Setting: A huge Kingdom Hearts logo with a keyblade spinning around in the middle. An intro with the title shows up on the screen...transitioning to a backdrop of the same logo, with Sora, standing in place.

 

Sora: Holy smokes, baloney, fudge and mustard, stop the presses and stop the internet!! If you are a member of KH13, and are loading this up your internet machine....you're here. Now, stand, the F**K UP!!

 

(No one stands up. Not even the cast members off screen watching)

 

Sora: -__-....Well, anyways....welcome to 5 Questions With The Kingdom Hearts Cast....where the most important questions on the face of this planet are answered....these, my friends (holds up paper) are the questions. And we (spreads arms out) We...have the answers....the answers to existance! (raises fist)

 

Riku: (Off-stage): By God, you're a ham.

 

Sora: (looks to Riku): By God, you're a homo.

 

(off-screen cast "OOOOHHHH"s in unison.)

 

Riku: -__-....just start the f*king show.

 

Sora: Alrighty then! First question....

 

(record skip, pause)

 

Hi, Firaga96. You know, I was going to make up stuff at this point, but then i thought, "Hey, why not get some actual questions going?"

 

So, KH13.com, I'm leaving the rest to you. Post some questions, being about anything you want to ask Sora, and once I get five, I'll continue the story from there. If you didn't get your question in, you can always ask another one for another character.

Edited October 14, 201213 yr by Firaga96

To Xehanort's Heartless: Do you have an obsession with Riku? Like a sexual obsession? Because you seem to want to "get inside him" quite alot.

To Marluxia: (please don't kill me!) What do you do when it's THAT time of the month??/shotdead

( jk,jk. Don't answer. I couldn't resist)

 

 

Demyx: Can you control soup?

Edited September 23, 201213 yr by VanitasisKirby

Sora, do you still think it was a good idea to kill the Nobodies now that you know they had hearts?

 

Kairi, are you planning on doing something soon?

 

Luxord, can I have an explanation as to what the bloody smeg was going on with that boss battle?

 

Namine, could you try some assertiveness exercises? I mean, you define yourself as a shade of Kairi, with the only purpose to existence being helping Sora.

 

Xaldin, what happened to you? Dilan was a decent person, but you can't go 5 minutes without going into a monologue about the evils of love

 

Jimminy Cricket. you're fired, we've had three games that would be either entirely different, or completely unnecessary if you could keep track of your journals. You. Are. Terrible.

 

DiZ, *bang* you're lucky I let it be something so quick and relatively painless

 

Xehanort, I understand you see people as less important than your X-Blade, but considering you've been on this track for a good 30 years and all you have to show for it is two failed Kingdom Hearts, 6 new Keyblade wielders you didn't intend for, and your closest ally being Xigbar, might it be time to take up another, more successful hobby?

My question goes to :

Xion,how does it feel to really be a boy and a girl at the same time.

Xehanort,Did u have a tramatic childhood/secret past life and someone dear(if possible)like a parent/sibling......Looovveerr(better not u tan trash ur mine).

Eraqus,Hey are ya really dead,if not Do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ansem the wise,How exactly did u loose ya memories and Why seasalt icecream?

Hayner,Pence,Olette,So u just going to stay in twilight town?

Lea/Isa,U WHERE BEST FRIENDS,GOT IT MEMORIZED!!!!!DOES THAT MEAN NOTHING TO THE BOTH OF U????!!!!!!

To Axel: Got it memorized?

To Demyx: Like it?

To Luxord: Do you know the rules?

To Sora: What do you like to do in your spare time? What are your favorite school subjects? Can you compare yourself to Naruto Uzumaki?

Well, if that entire script wasn't out of character, I don't know what would be.

Luxord-

• Where did you find your gambling addiction?
• Why are so badass?

Mickey-

• Why did it take you so long to remember Aqua and Ven? :I

To all of you: Do you ever poop?

To all of you: Do you ever poop?

 

On that note....When do they eat? O.0

On that note....When do they eat? O.0

 

And what do they eat? I guess roasted duck and hot dogs are out of the question.

And what do they eat? I guess roasted duck and hot dogs are out of the question.

 

I know playing the rhythm game from BBS leaves me craving duck. I freaking hate it.

And what do they eat? I guess roasted duck and hot dogs are out of the question.

 

They eat ice-cream, duh. That's all their is to eat in their universe.

They eat ice-cream, duh. That's all their is to eat in their universe.

 

And cakes, but they give those to the Dream Eaters.

And cakes, but they give those to the Dream Eaters.

 

Yep, see? It makes total sense.

Yep, see? It makes total sense.

 

Wait, they also eat fish, mushrooms, eggs, and coconuts (Source: Kairi, KH1).

 

That's so disturbing considering the fact that Donald was once an egg and they're friends with Flounder.

Wait, they also eat fish, mushrooms, eggs, and coconuts (Source: Kairi, KH1).

 

That's so disturbing considering the fact that Donald was once an egg and they're friends with Flounder.

 

When do they have the time to eat. Where do they eat? Where do they get the food from? NOMURALOGIC!

When do they have the time to eat. Where do they eat? Where do they get the food from? NOMURALOGIC!

 

When riding the Gummi Ship, and on the Gummi Ship.

 

That's what Donald and Goofy spend their share of the Munny on.

When riding the Gummi Ship, and on the Gummi Ship.

 

That's what Donald and Goofy spend their share of the Munny on.

 

Oh, and the gummi ship is gummi's, so that's food too.

Oh, and the gummi ship is gummi's, so that's food too.

 

Yup and they pick up food in space.

To whole organization: Why do you sleep with your coats on?? (days)

Uh,....well, there were questions for more people than Sora....thanks for listening.

 

Y-you know what, no. I'm not gonna chastise you for it. Bad Firaga. (thumps self in the head) OW!

 

I'll take what I can get....the best of the best. So, anyways, let's continue

 

(unpause)

 

Sora: Allrighty then! Question one! This is for Nweintraub....how you pronounce that I may never know....uh....he's got three questions here, so I guess I'll give you three answers. But you know what? There's only two other people with their own respective questions, so TECHNICALLY....this isn't cheatin' the system.

 

Kairi: (off-screen) What system?

 

Sora: The system of this damn show! Which I made up in my head (points at head) about....10 seconds ago...before I started that sentence.

 

Kairi: (off-screen) 0-0. Well, somebody's a bit hyper today...

 

Sora: It's not being hyper, it's being CHARISMATIC! Riku, you wouldn't know anything about that.

 

Riku: (off-screen): F**k you.

 

Sora: Ha-ha....anyways, Nweintraub wants to know...."What do you like to do in your spare time? What are your favorite school subjects? Can you compare yourself to Naruto Uzumaki?" Heh....what do I like to do in my spare time? Well, If can't tell already, I'm very, very, VERY, charismatic, so naturally, I'm a bit of a social butterfly....I'm always up for a get together with friends....sometimes the cast, sometimes people you couldn't even imagine....like a certain bald-headed badass who likes to drink beer....THAT'S RIGHT! (points to camera, then at chest) I"M HOMIES WITH STONE COLD! .... If you jelly in this place, gimme a hell yeah!!! (puts a hand to ear)

 

(no one gives him a "Hell yeah")

 

Roxas: (off screen): Wrestling's fake.

 

(Everyone laughs)

 

Sora: -___-.....(sarcastically laughs) you piece of shit. http://kh13.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/sleep.png Well, continuing the subject....I also am known to throw parties....a lot of parties. I mean, shit, ask anyone in this room about it, and they will give you a story that'll knock your socks off! However....uh, we can't say anything about it on the air....because, uh, Normura's already pissed about what I've said so far, and I wouldn't want to cross that line (looks off-camera at Normura, who is glaring) Heh-heh. you da man, Normura! (laughs nervously) ...Well, that about wraps up that question....anyways, the next one....um, school subjects...heh, that's a weird question to ask considering we're a bunch of JRPG characters....I mean, technically, I've missed like....(counts on fingers, then throws hands up) like frickin YEARS....literally years, mind you, of schoolwork. I mean, even in real life, I'm not too educated (small chuckle) Like, one of my worst subjects would be Math, because....shit, I can't survive the endless formulas and conversions and fractions and all this...ugh, guys, guys, gimme a math problem, something simple.

 

Donald: (off-screen) Square root of 9?

 

Sora: The square root of 9? Nothing, Blank. Anything else, like...

 

Axel (off-screen): What's the Pythagorium Theorem?

 

Sora: The Pythagorium Theroem? I-I can't even try to grasp it.......I'm hopeless I tell ya! ... There's only two things (raise two fingers) I'm doing alright with in high school right now and they are my two electives....one is French Culture On Film....and the second is Bowling.

 

(Cast bursts out in laughter)

 

Sora: And now everyone is laughing at me! But hey, uh, at least its something, ya know....I mean, the French stuff is actually kinda cool...and, uh, I'm actual a pretty good bowler...with the ol' follow thru (makes bowling motion). Okay, last question: Can I compare myself to Naruto Uzumaki? Yes. Why? Several reasons: One, we both have have goofy yet lovable personalities . Two: At the moment, we both can't seem to get a date....AT ALL...(looks to Kairi)

 

Kairi: (off-screen) What'd I do?

 

Sora: Don't play dumb....you could at least humor me a little bit! I mean, crap, we can't even get anything done in the games....like--No-Nomura, tell me, is this (points to Kairi and then himself) gonna be a thing? Is it?

 

Normura (off-screen): Uh....So sorry. Don't speak English.

 

Sora: -___- You know what, never mind. Seriously though, Kai, whens the last time we went out? Just you and me?

 

Kairi: (off-screen) A while.

 

Sora: Damn right a while. Look, here's what we're gonna do, right after this taping, let's just...jet, just get outta here. We'll hit up someplace nice. How's that sound?

 

Kairi (off-screen): Sounds good to me.

 

Sora: Okay, then--

 

Kairi (off-screen) But you're paying for it.

 

Sora: 0-0...(sigh) another reason I'm like Naruto Uzumaki....because when I DO get a date, I gotta pay...for everything....

 

Sora: Very....but....(sigh) you're lucky you're so sweet, or else, I'd hold it against you.

 

Kairi (off-screen) Aw...

 

Riku: (off-screen) Blarg....

 

Sora: Shut up! :angry: You know what, that brings me to the last similarity right there. The one other reason I'm like Naruto....is because I have to deal with an emo douchebag like this motherf*ker right here! (Points at Riku)

 

Riku (Off-screen): Haters gonna hate.

 

Sora: (sighs) let's move on before I pop a blood vessel, shall we (Clears throat, shuffles through paper) Question number 4! Remember, that last letter counted as the first three....anyways.....from Gambler's Apprentice....."do you still think it was a good idea to kill the Nobodies now that you know they had hearts?" Yes, I do, because technically I can get away with it. Why? Because it's only the ones apart of the main cast that count....(holds hands up) Now, I know that sounds Heartless....

 

(rimshot)

 

(Cast laughs a little)

 

Sora: Heh, but think about this for a second: When it comes down do it, I can't be thinkin' about every Average Joe or Simple Susan that gets whacked, all right? Sure, it might make me feel guilty a little....like, uh, when I had the whole moment with Xemnas in KH2 and all that. Good work by the way, that was tight. (gives thumbs up to Xemnas)

 

Xemnas (off-screen): You're welcome.

 

Sora: But, yeah, as a whole....heh, it's the main cast that matters the most. If I had to worry about MORE than that...I'd just....drive myself into insanity.....you know how much stupid shit I've pulled before....can you imagine me doing more of it? I can't! I refuse, even! Besides, less Nobody bashing, less game-play for you (points at camera) think about that......okay, we have one question to go, and--wait a minute (looks backstage) Hey Phil, we only got four questions here!

 

Phil: (off-screen) Oh, sorry, Sora, we miscounted.

 

Sora: Right.....imagine that: Phil sucking at math more than I do.

 

(Cast giggles)

 

Sora: Well, what else are we gonna do?

 

Phil (off-screen): Well, we managed to shuffle up some questions for the other guys.

 

Sora: Well, bring one up. Might as well. I'm sure someone here is willing to get in front of the camera....

 

(Cast: )

 

(Phil hands Sora another piece of paper, only his stubby horns are seen on screen)

 

Sora: Okay then....let's see.....0-0....(burst out laughing) Oh God....SOD....SOD, get up here, man.....

 

SOD (Seeker of Darkness) (off-screen): Oh, I can already tell this isn't going to be good....ah, screw it. I'm doing this. (gets up, heads to Sora)

 

(Cast is slightly giggling to themselves)

 

(Ansem is at Sora's left)

 

Sora: (still laughing) Here, man. (hands paper to Ansem) I gotta-ha-I gotta step out, I can't breath....HA, HA, HA....(steps off camera)

 

Ansem: (looking to camera) Well, then......this from Oniaku. The question is: "Do you have an obsession with Riku? Like a sexual obsession? Because you seem to want to "get inside him" quite a lot. " 0-0.

 

(Cast bursts out laughing, even Riku)

 

Ansem (laughs along): Okay, look, look.....(holds hands up) I've been gettin' this since 2002, so I'll tell you what I tell everybody: (getting serious) no. I'm not gay, and I'm not a child molestor: IT WAS AN ACT. I had to do what I had to do. Besides.....him? F**k that.

 

Riku (off-screen): What the hell? I'm the sexiset dude in this room!

 

Sora: (back on camera) 'Till now. (smiles at camera)

 

Kairi (off-screen): I second that.

 

Riku (off-sceen): Oh, you would! (crosses arms, grumbling to himself)

 

Sora: Alright, Ansem, I'll take it from here.

 

Ansem: Okay then (begins to walk off) Wait, wait, I gotta so something first....(clears throat) DARKNESS! (walks off, giggling)

 

(Cast is once again in stitches)

 

Sora: (silently laughing, hands on hips) Whew....well, there you have it. The first episode of 5 questions is done. Make sure to send in questions for the next episode...that's it. Until next week....I'M GONE! AND I STILL HATE YOU (points both fingers at Riku)

 

Riku: -__- (gets up)

 

Sora: (flips off Riku, bolts)

 

(fade out)

 

 

 

 

Well, wasn't that something? lol. More questions, more episodes. That's all I can say. See ya at Episode 2!

Edited November 4, 201212 yr by Firaga96

A little heads up....the next episode will star (Master) Riku....

 

Send in those questions, people....

Riku! Do you ever feel like people compare you too much to Sasuke Uchiha? I mean, you both have Emo tendencies, and you both abandoned your friends. So, what are your thoughts about you and Sasuke?

To Riku: How did you keep Sora's wooden sword safe for him all throughout Kh1? (When he gave the sword back to him at HB)