I got bored and decided to create an alternate universe of Kingdom Hearts. The entire Galaxy is run by Furher Mickey, founder of the Mazi party (Mickey's Alliance of Zealous Inbreds) who now rule with an Iron fist. This is a story of the struggles people face while trying to oppress the population as well as the struggles of those trying to liberate it.

 

 

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Chapter 1

 

The Communist Caper

 

 

It was a calm summer day in Twilight Town. Despite some strange occurrences everything is about normal. The wonderful children of this town are preparing for the end of their vacation. Some children are going to the beach, others are gathering research for a school paper, and others are beginning their training to join an elite group of soldiers. Our story begins with children trying to do all three.

 

 

 

Recently this town has been infiltrated by a Communist who has stolen various government Documents. He became infamous and eventually gained the name "The Communist Caper" Four Children attempt to capture him and become heroes.

 

 

 

�There! There is the Communist Caper! Grab him!� shouted Roxas, a Blonde Haired, Blue Eyed whippersnapper. He is rather short but makes up for it by spiking his hair upward through the use of several dozen cans of hairspray a day. Although the CFCs do damage the atmosphere, this act isn�t frowned upon. Furher Mickey once declared, �We must weaken our atmosphere to expose our youth to harmful things to prepare for war!� But that is another story, a horrifying story of a Japanese Girl and a mysterious tentacle monster.

 

 

 

Roxas, and his friends, Hayner, Pence, and Olette continued to chase the communist. Hayner is a troublemaker and is often regarded as one of the toughest kids at school. Despite poor grades he hopes to become a bodyguard to Furher Mickey. Pence is the fat kid. Nobody likes him, nobody cares for him, in fact he only exist to be used as a punching bag during combat training. Olette is a kind girl who is currently being taught by her mother that her goal in life is to give birth to more boys who will become future soldiers.

 

 

The Communist Caper darted into the woods, dodging towering trees whose canopy purged the light and showered the forest floor with darkness. Upon realizing running would only delay the inevitable he stopped fleeing and turned to confront his pursuers.

 

 

 

�Pence!� Hayner barked, �Go and ask him for the documents back.�

 

 

 

�Why do I have to deal with him?� Pence replied.

 

 

 

�You�re an expendable character. You�re only purpose in this clusterf*ck of a story is to do the dangerous tasks.�

 

 

 

�Dangerous?�

 

 

 

�Yes, very dangerous. You see you can never trust a communist, the Bolsheviks will backstab you whenever they get the chance.�

 

 

 

�Alright fine I will do it for the Furher,� Pence said uneasily. The Communist Caper was dressed rather strangely. He seemed to be wearing some sort of red body bag with a zipper binding the suit together where his face would be. He had trouble standing and was wobbling steadily back and forth as Pence approached him.

 

 

 

Suddenly suit unzipped, revealing an endless void rather than an actual face. There was a terrible screeching sound and the Communist lunged at Pence. The Communist Caper was a cold machine, brutally fulfilling its evil mission by tearing apart poor Pence with his claws. The surrounding rocks and trees were painted with blood as the monster ripped through Pence�s twenty-third layer of fat. The morbidly obese child had no more buffer to protect him and the Communist ended his life by puncturing Pence�s lungs.

 

 

 

�What are you two doing? Do something!� Ollete shouted towards Roxas and Hayner.

 

 

Roxas took the floor and beat the Communist with a large blue bat. The Communist broke the bat as easily as a German Sheppard sniffing out Bolsheviks. Roxas then summoned a mighty weapon, it was enchanted by Magic and very deadly. Yes, his very own hair (Fun fact, Magic is the most popular hair spray in all of Twilight Town). He speared the Communist with his hair and defeated it once and for all.

 

 

 

After burning Pence�s body and getting high off of Sea Salt Ice Cream, they sifted through the remains of the Communist Caper, retrieved the documents and ran to their normal hangout underneath the Autobahn.

 

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Author Notes:

 

I decided to turn my "Square Enix is Run by Nazi's" idea into a story. This is not a serious Fan Fiction in case you haven't figured it out by now. It will be a parody of Kingdom Hearts as well as some notoriously bad fanfictions.

 

 

Also indenting doesn't appear to work well here. How do I get past this?

LOL, wow that was very entertaining. i can't wait to see what you'll do when organization 13 comes up. i felt a little bad for Pence and how his life ended like that. i also can't wait for the next chapter, keep up this humorous story and good work.

Thank you for the feedback, I will be releasing a new chapter every Thursday

this made me litterally rofl. great job fred, your trolling skillz have yet to disapoint me.

"Pence is the fat kid. Nobody likes him, nobody cares for him, in fact he only exist to be used as a punching bag during combat training." My new status.

pure genius

Oh wow, I haven't read it yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to take a look at this when I get back, I can tell it will be purely epic.

lol...

Please...

make more...

tomorrow...

lol pence dead

Chapter 2

The Dossier

 

Despite the noise of vehicles passing over, places underneath the Autobahn are quite popular places for local children to hang out in Twilight town. The Autobahn was created by Furher Mickey for the rapid transportation of "Goods" and "Passengers", the codewords for weapons and former Disney Channel stars. At the time of this writing, Miley Cyrus (star of the shitacular series "Hannah Montana") is being transported to the death camps where she will be gassed. However a recent order by Fuher Mickey dictates that instead of being burned, some of Miley's skin cells will be used as a starting point for Fuher Mickey's secret project.

 

The truck carrying the soon to be gassed Miley drove over the portion of the road our young adventurers made into their hangout. Due to their lack of creativity they call the hangout "The Usual Spot". Due to this strange name the children were arrested and questioned by the Waffen MSDT (Mickey's Super Duper Troopers). Why were they arrested? Well if you must ask "The Usual Spot" is what conspirators against Mickey use to name their meeting locations.

 

Inside the Children's usual spot Roxas and Hayner reviewed the top secret documents. Olette was there too but she had to practice her cooking. The documents were in a fine leather dossier which was tainted by the late Pence's blood.

 

"So how do we go about reading this?" Roxas asked.

 

"Open the dossier, and look at the words you dumbass," Hayner aggressively replied.

 

"You know, this attitude of yours is what got Pence killed," Roxas stated.

 

"No, Pence died because his arms were too short to push the Communist off him," Hayner countered

 

"No it wasn't!"

 

"Yes it was!"

 

"No it wasn't!"

 

"Yes it was!"

 

"This arguing is stupid!" Roxas yelled. "If I show you my dick will you agree that I'm right?"

 

"Fine! Your right! Don't pull down your pants!" Hayner shouted

 

"Why not?" asked Roxas

 

"Because this will turn into another shitty yaoi fanfic," Hayner replied. "After that the whole story will go down hill! There will probably be an event that is terribly disgusting, like Olette getting raped by Snape or something completely preposterous like Pence coming back to life through the power of utter stupidity." Hayner then gave the Author a glare, spoiling part of another chapter and breaking the 4th wall for the 20th time. Actually, he didn't break the 4th wall, he freaking demolished it with nitroglycerin, sodomized it, read "My Immortal" to it and fed it's children to wild boars.

 

"Alright, lets get to opening this," Roxas said steadily, he was still uncomfortable, yet proud of finally coming out of the closet. His hand approached the dossier and gripped it. Pence's blood smeared all over his hands. He opened it and flipped through the pages inside. His hands trembled, he was alarmed by the fact all of the papers were military orders issued to him. All taken from different training camps across twilight town. The orders varied from courier missions, to holding hostages at a homeless shelter. All of this so he can one day join the MDST.

 

"How intriguing, why on earth did the communist take papers about you Roxas?"

 

"Beats me," Roxas said.

 

"I got nothing," Hayner professed.

 

"Well, lets take a break from all of this and eat. I'm hungry, are those cookies done yet Olette?" Roxas asked with excitement. Other than the mysterious drug known as "Sea Salt Ice Cream" cookies are his favorite snack.

 

"Well no..." Olette said fearfully

 

"THEN GET BACK INTO THE F*CKING KITCHEN!" Roxas barked.

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Authors note:

 

I was trying to practice a little bit with dialogue here in the event I actually decide to write something serious.

 

For those of you who don't know. The Autobahn is the German Highway and was created during the Nazi Regime. It still exist to this day.

lol...wow...i wasn't expecting that. great job...keeping enteraining me. this is a really good alternated fanfic. i was really thrown off when you brought in the fact about Miley Cyrus...i found that to be funny even though i like her music. keep up the great work.

Thanks for the feedback

 

 

I also updated the most recent chapter with an Authors Note and corrected some stuff.

So far, so funny. What, not continuing it?

Good stuff Fredbug, good stuff, I need MOAR! /shot

He is rather short but makes up for it by spiking his hair upward through the use of several dozen cans of hairspray a day.

HAHAHA, ohhh I love Roxas. x3 For-e-verrr.

Moars. I need S'MOAR! D:<

I decided to revive this. I don't like deadlines cause I always miss them and then I get sad and decide not to write anymore. So I will continue this in my next post in this thread whenever I feel like it.

Chapter 3

Sea Salt Trip

 

Due to the oppressive nature of the ruthless society Roxas and his friends grew up with, drugs became one of the few sources of relaxation and entertainment. The most popular drug amongst local teenagers was "Sea Salt Ice Cream". It was essentially Ice Cream mixed with LSD and feces. The feces did nothing but increase the weight of the product so drug dealers could justify charging more.

 

Due to sea salt ice cream appearing almost identical to the standard issue brainwashing icecream and being almost impossible to identify without a taste test, it became almost impossible control the drug. Without the populace's daily dose of brainwashing they would certainly revolt against the regime.

 

"That will be 300 riechsmarks," Shady McShade, the local drug dealer said.

 

"300? It was 150 last week!" Hayner detested.

 

"You want your stuff right? Then your going to buy!" McShade insisted

 

"Well Douchy McDouche is only selling for 200!" Hayner shouted, not caring if others hear the exchange.

 

"Douchy McDouche's Ice Cream is 50 grams, mine is 100. Naturally, it should cost more," McShade stated.

 

"That's because your Ice Cream is 50% shit!" Hayner shouted yet again, this time disturbing some dogs in the distance.

 

"Look punk," McShade proceeded to pull out a Luger handgun. "You will buy from me, and you will be quite about what's in my product or I'm going to bust a cap in your ass!"

 

Enraged Hanyer pulled out a struggle stick, Roxas did as well. A struggle stick is essentially a giant blue dildo that people whack each other with. The first person to get sodomized loses. Corny battle music from the last game started to play out of nowhere. The camera zoomed in on McShade and then Roxas, then McShade.

 

"Haha! You punks think you can beat me with dildos? Haha!" McShade chuckled as the camera oriented around Roxas.

 

Roxas and Hayner moved in to whack McShade but just as they lunged at him, McShade jumped back and fired his gun at Hayner. Normally this would kill someone instantly, but this is battle mode so he only lost a quarter of his health.

 

McShade pointed his gun at Roxas and suddenly a giant green triangle flashed in front of him, a hallucination most likely brought upon by the Ice Cream samples. He quickly moved away from the triangle out of fear and noticed that the bullets flew right past him. Roxas, despite acting like a dumbass is actually rather intelligent for a little hair gelled goose stepping druggy. He became a cold calculating machine as he dodged the salvos of bullets that the triangles warned of a split second before they happened. Within minutes McShade was unconscious on the ground.

 

Just as Roxas and Hayner began to celebrate their victory, the sound of whistles and police dogs began to fill their ears. A man on a loud speaker with a thick accent yelled incomprehensibly. Without so much as a high five the two were forced to scurry or be captured.

 

After escaping the Secret Police, Roxas, Hayner, and Ollete climb to the top of the train station clock tower. It was a grand structure. Two sides had ornate flags with Furher Mickey's face on it and the other two sides sported massive screens, broadcasting glorious government propaganda across Twilight Town from sunset to sunset. The three of them both sat on the edge of the tower right in front of the gigantic clock.

 

"What a bummer," Roxas grieved.

 

"Well, at least we got some practice for the struggle tournament." Hayner replied.

 

"Cheer up guys, I got something you two might like." Olette said with a smile.

 

"Sammiches?" Roxas asked.

 

"Even better!" Ollete said, ignoring the sexist remark. She suddenely pulled out 3 shiny blue objects out of nowhere. They glistened in the sunlight as she raised them up. "Sea Salt Ice Cream!"

 

"YES!" Roxas shouted with glee. All three of them sucked on the Ice Cream with much enthusiasm. They started seeing things from the top of the tower. The ghost of pence was moonwalking in front of them. A train that looked like it was made of gingerbread rolled into the station and six ponies walked out. Finally a giant elephant burst out of the clock startling Roxas. He stood up in a hurry and fell from the clock tower. His friends, high out of their minds did not notice.

 

Roxas continued his decent, halfway down the massive tower things suddenly slowed down. Not just his speed, but the passage of time itself. He suddenly heared the voice of a girl in his head.

 

"Sora!" the girl shouted.

 

"Hello, you reached the voice mail of Roxas (last name covered in static) I am currently falling off of a giant clocktower, please leave a message after the HOLY SHIT HELP ME!" Roxas yelled.

 

"Uh, Sora?" the girl asked.

 

"Who the firetruck is Sora?" Roxas inquired.

 

"Porcupine head, clown outfit, hangs out with furries." the girl described.

 

"Oh yeah that guy in my dreams. You must be the girl that he likes!" Roxas recalled.

 

"You dream about my socially awkward friend in your dreams? And, he likes me? Oh my God oh my God!" The girl squeeked.

 

"So uh, who are you?" Roxas asked.

 

"Kairi" she responded.

 

"Wanna hang ou-" Roxas began to ask

 

"Can't talk, I just spilled Soda on my stereotypical anime short skirt" Kairi intrrupted ending the conversation. Time began to speed up again as Roxas hurtled towards the ground.

 

"Well firetruck me." Roxas said. Then he hit the ground, dramatically concluding the Sea Salt Trip.

Edited April 12, 201213 yr by Fredfredbug4

With each chapter your putting Nomura to shame

I don't like deadlines cause I always miss them and then I get sad and decide not to write anymore.

lol, this is such a quotable line. Good job!

With each chapter your putting Nomura to shame

 

Why do people treat Nomura like a God? Also, this was meant to make fanboys/fangirls cry so if your mad then it's working.

 

lol, this is such a quotable line. Good job!

 

Thnx

Why do people treat Nomura like a God? Also, this was meant to make fanboys/fangirls cry so if your mad then it's working.

 

Well, hes obviously not so Godly if you can make his own story 10x better than the original. And, no, its too epic for me to be mad.

XDDD i love this story it's brilliant. Not like one of those cheap, half-as* parodies like "not another teen movie" or "scary movie" but some real funny stuff that's pure creation!!

Edited April 20, 201213 yr by Xatah

Holy Cow!!! Its pure Awesomeness!!! Carry on lol!! :lol: